http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here. en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:28:11 GMT vBulletin 15 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/misc/rss.jpg http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210447&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:39:04 GMT I posted another message about my husband on adult dating sites. I received some excellent, insightful comments by the members. I have now... I posted another message about my husband on adult dating sites. I received some excellent, insightful comments by the members.

I have now come to realize that the person I married is a chronic cheater, probably adult chat rooms, web cams, maybe in person, etc. He cheated on his first wife explaining that she "told me to go out and find it because she didn't want sex anymore". I believed that. I see now that throughout our 10 years of marriage that something, in one form or another, has been going on. I have come to realize his immaturity, anxiety, lack of empathy and deceitfulness.

For now, I choose to stay and still be a good wife and try to fill my life with good things. For financial reasons, I will stay for now. I have assets that are not in his name, considerably more than what he has, and I have taken him out of my will.

The downside is disease and crazies. Who knows what kind of nuts he is dealing with? I will take my chances for now.

I think it depends on what stage of life you are at and your individual situation as to whether to stay or not and if you stay what's in it for you. I am sorry to say that this seems like taking less than I deserve but I have some satisfaction in knowing that I NOW KNOW what he is made of and can make informed decisions.

Just food for thought. ]]> Infidelity miracle4me09 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210447 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210374&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:16:50 GMT So I got a copy of the book "Surviving an Affair" and the wife and I are going through it right now, I like how it goes into what each person is thinking and feeling. She said that when she went on her little trip and came back she still didn't really understand what happened or why she did it and the book is helping her understand more now and that she didn't realize how ashamed she was to tell me about the affair. She has supposedly ended that affair by making a final call to him and telling him its over.

My question is this, Is it impossible for her to hide an affair should she fall into another one? I look back this summer while she was going through this affair and the signs were there, she was being sneaky and shutting windows down on the computer, I could tell she was different. The reason I am asking this is for my own sanity, I don't want to be checking her cell phone, email etc all the time, it is driving me nuts and the less of it I have to see, the more sleep I get and the better I feel. What do you guys think? ]]> Infidelity eddie_d_2000 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210374 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210339&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:42:01 GMT My story continues..

For those of you who might remember, I discovered my H's 10 month long affair back in June. (backstory is that I married my H at 23..he was almost 30..so he had his 20s to do the dating thing..I never did, but no one held a gun to my head to get married. H was always jealous and possessive, didn't want me ever going out with girlfriend's to a bar for a drink or any other situation..to top it all off, he showed up at my bachelorette party and cast a pall over it when some guys were innocently talking to those at our table...ruined the whole night...yet he was taken to a strip club for his bachelor party. I have been hit on by others but had never done anything. The first person that ever hit on him, a co-worker, becomes his MOW.

So, I find out about it and almost lose my mind. All the usual things--lose a lot of weight, can't sleep, focus, make decision, am full of rage, cannot hear anything about forgiveness, feel how unfair it all is, etc. I go and have a revenge affair-basically sleep with an old boyfriend 4X--and upfront and honest about it. I don't drink (tried to--did for a week--couldn't physically take it--would have done anything to numb the pain..), don't smoke or do drugs, etc. Sex was my drug.

So, ever since the day I found out, I don't feel married--had hopes that we would be stronger in the end, lots of hysterical bonding etc but still never feel married, am silently enraged. Went to MC 5X. She said how well we got along, how communicative we seem to be, everything she tells me I feel I already intellectually know.

Fast forward to five months later...still wanting to be single. Am here for the kids bc I don't want their world to be ripped apart. Out last weekend, I met someone who is everything I have ever dreamed of--someone who is in a whole different league/ Actually, ironically, most of the guys who have pursued me that I have met while out and about are in a whole different league than a lot of guys I dated while younger. Anyway, this guy takes the cake though.

I have emailed and spoken with this guy a few times and on a whim, went by for a glass of wine (even though i don't drink) the other night. All was prim and proper til the end, when we then kissed and the sexual tension was like something I've never felt. I left and we made vague plans for later this week and he was going to take off work to see me. I was over the moon about it. I came home and was upfront with my H about OM. He hit the roof, naturally, was screaming in my face and actually kind of hit me. I have never been so terrified. (It was more of a spanking as I stood on the floor leaning over onto the bed, sobbing into my hands and he hit me really hard on the butt like a spanking!! :eek:)

I have to hurry and am leaving out some details but have agreed that I won't see OM on Fri even though I am dying to. H wants me to come sit at his work on Fri to make sure. I agreed, while sobbing, knowing that it's time to climb back into my cage, so that my kids will have a nice intact family. I am in agony over losing out on a chance with OM. He (my H) succumbed to the first person that hit on him without any provocation by me and I have resisted many. And now, a dream of a guy is standing before me and my H cheated on me and I don't want to be here but I don't know how to survive otherwise so I am trapped.

What do I do?

Here i have been feeling caged in for so long, got screwed in the end and now want to be single, but have no idea how I would support myself since I have never worked. We live in a very expensive area and one of us must live in this area for the kids to go to the same school. ]]> Infidelity aeh http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210339 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210286&goto=newpost Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:23:13 GMT I cheated on my husband, we have been married for 3 years next Jan. we have not been living together for most of the 3 years due to immigration... I cheated on my husband, we have been married for 3 years next Jan. we have not been living together for most of the 3 years due to immigration issues and him serving in the military, I have been desperatly waiting for this day to come for us to finally be together, and it has, last week. We have just been ruinted last week after being apart for a year. During this past summer i started having an affiar with a family friend i have known for years, there was never much contact between me and this man untill just in the last year, we started off as friends and i never hid it from my husband or other friends, i can't even recall the turning point of when the flirtations started, but it slowly went from emails and online to texting and phone calls, he lives a few hours away, we spent one weekend together, and met one more time for a day outing (no sex). when i told him my husband was to be arriving to the states soon, we knew we had to end it, and we did, he is married as well, and we never made any promises to leave our spouses or anything, he loves his wife and i truly love my husband.

After my husband came, i was on cloud nine, i couldnt be happier, finally getting to start my life with him, and i left everything behind me, i felt terribly guilty but i just wanted to forget it and move on, then 4 days after his arrival, he asks me about certain pictures of me and the other man on my computer, along with emails, all of which i had thought i deleted. my husband is devestated and so am i, he wants a divorce and says he can never forgive me.

I dont know what to do, i cant even talk to anybody about it because nobody knew, and because of the common friends and family we have i can not ever reveal the identity of this man. i tried telling my husband the whole truth, how i never intended to have an affair, how i was very lonley and he just happend to be there, how i dont love him, how it wasnt anything against my husband, that it was all me. he wont listen to me, he wont talk to me, and we have not spoken in days, i try to talk to him but all he keeps telling me is that its over.

i want him back, i love him more than anything, and truly never meant to hurt him, but i know i did. how can i fix this. please help ]]> Infidelity black_days http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210286