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Husband slept with prostitute


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Dream_for_Love

Hello everyone, I don't know where I should be turning to but I recently found out that my husband had been slept with a prostitute when he was in Thailand. My husband is a US Navy and his ship just finished touring Asia, including Thailand, and coming back home soon. I had this feeling that won't go away that he did something wrong to me while he was there. So, I was on the phone yesterday with him and straight out asked. I asked if he was screwing around on me there and asked him to tell me the truth, no lie.

 

He first said no, then I asked again, then he was quite for a moment and said yes. He said that he was drunk and that woman took advantage of him and that he asked his liberty buddy not to leave alone. I'm a grown woman, old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. He said that he wants to tell me when he is home face to face. He doesn't want to lie like other husbands on that boat with their wives. I was so hurt and still is, but I told him there is future between now. I can't forgive you and never will because this isn't the first time. The first time was done emotionally, this time he's done it physically.

 

He cried on the phone that he was stupid and shouldn't done that. I said it's too late now. He asked that we try counselor, I told him we've done that like 3 times. It's no use to go to counselor. I'm not asking for the advice how to bring my marriage back, but I'm here to ask how can I get over this marriage and get over him. Deep down I love him so much that the pain he has been given to me all these 3yrs doesn't hurt me anymore, but it rather make me laugh and think what on earth am I doing here with this guy.

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Given your husband's history, if you simply can no longer trust him in any way then your first step is to see an attorney and begin divorce proceedings. Don't wait for him to return...get an attorney's advice on how this can happen as soon as possible.

 

As much as it pains me to tell you this the greatest majority of men in your husband's situation would cheat, either with someone they met overseas or with a prostitute. It's just a natural thing for a man who hasn't had sex in a long while to got for it. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT ever have a boyfriend or husband who makes frequent and long trips to distant lands. Men are simply men.

 

I think the fact that he told you the truth is a feather in his cap. Most men would have lied until the very end of time. I think your husband is truly sorry for what he did and he will regret it all the days of his life. He was obviously thinking with his dick at the time and not with his brain. On the other hand, a man like him is much better off with somebody who understands circumstances and can offer forgiveness and look deeper into the reasons for his emotional and sexual disloyalty. People are human beings and they screw up...a LOT.

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and doing many an in-justice when you assume that most servvice people stationed on "un-accompanied" tours cheat on their spouses. Based on my personal experience of twenty years, for married personnel, its the exception not the norm. Single with SO's and GF's back home? That's a different ballgame altogether. But, married?

 

That's not to say we didn't go to the library a lot. We ran hundreds is not thousand's of miles. We pumped tons of iron. We drank gallons of beer and liquour. We read hundreds if not thousands of pages of books. But, I never cheated on my wife ~ when I was married. She was the one that cheated, with a single guy ~ overseas in Okinwa Japan. Not me.

 

Under the Solider's - Sailors Relief act you cannot bring a civil suit against a service member while they're stationed overseas until they return Stateside. To include a divorce or an ammendment to a divorce.

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That's not to say we didn't go to the library a lot. We ran hundreds is not thousand's of miles. We pumped tons of iron. We drank gallons of beer and liquour. We read hundreds if not thousands of pages of books. But, I never cheated on my wife ~ when I was married

 

Thank you. I was starting to believe that maybe all men are just penises with legs.

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Thank you. I was starting to believe that maybe all men are just penises with legs.

 

If the Corps taught me anything?

 

They taught me what the word "Honor" means!

They taught me what the word "Integrity" means!

They taught me "self discipline"

They taught me "To identify your weaknesses and overcome them!"

They taught me to not be a "weak-mined" person!

They taught me what "reverance" was

They taught me what respect was

They taught me what "duty" was!

They taught me about being a part of someting larger than myself!

They taught me about "tact" (Do unto others as your would have them do unto you!")

They taught me about "compassion"

 

They taught me to "just do the 'right' thing. In all things. Its written upon your heart the day you were born ~ you know what it is ~ God wrote it upon your heart! Just do the right thing ~ and you know what that is!

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burning 4 revenge
If the Corps taught me anything?

 

They taught me what the word "Honor" means!

They taught me what the word "Integrity" means!

They taught me "self discipline"

They taught me "To identify your weaknesses and overcome them!"

They taught me to not be a "weak-mined" person!

They taught me what "reverance" was

They taught me what respect was

They taught me what "duty" was!

They taught me about being a part of someting larger than myself!

They taught me about "tact" (Do unto others as your would have them do unto you!")

They taught me about "compassion"

 

They taught me to "just do the 'right' thing. In all things. Its written upon your heart the day you were born ~ you know what it is ~ God wrote it upon your heart! Just do the right thing ~ and you know what that is!

sounds awful. thank god i joined the air force

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Thailand is notorious for transexual prostitutes

 

They're called "Bennie~Boys"

 

We hit Thailand on a float. My rule was I would find a bar that I would hang out in during the duration of shore leave ~ so tha' boys could find me in case one of them got in trouble with the local police or the Shore Patrol. The rule for the platoon was ~ first night ~ we party together. After that, you're on your own. That way, if one of them got into trouble, I could at least muster up a fire team to attempt to bail them out, and get them back to the ship. And, the fella's knew where to find me.

 

First night in country ~ Thailand. One of my Marines tagged up with one of the locals. I didn't think anything of it. He was single (my married Marines knew I would ride their azz if they cheated on their old ladies! For the duration of our time together!!) Most of the married guys hung out with me, shooting pool, drinking, playing cards. They knew I would come down hard on them if they got to acting too single. I didn't say anything if they were just flirting, talking smack. But, if they crossed the line?

 

Anyway, one of my single Marines got to swapping spit with one of the locals. They got to nibbling each other's ears off, and the other guys in the platoon started throwing loose change at them! "Get a room!" they were saying. It got that hot and heavy! Finally, he asked me if he could break 'tha' rule" and I guess I had one too many Scotch's and told him to have at it!

 

He left with "her" and I had a couple of my Corporal's trail him, just to keep tabs on him, and to make sure "her" brother's weren't waiting in some alley to roll him.

 

Half hour later he comes back to the bar, and annouces, "Man! That chick was a dude!" Well he shouldn't have said that! My Marines rode his azz for the next six months! That's when I explained to him that some things you just carry to grave with you!

 

I honestly thought "he" was a "she" Over there ~ you just can't tell?

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burning 4 revenge

wow. your'e right, he shouldn't have said anything, i know i never do. just like the op's husband. it wouldn't have done as much harm to keep mum. i personally don't think that under the circumstances it's really cheating. better some paid girl, or ?, that he paid for sex than risk the possibility of affairs that could get emotional. just my two cents

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sounds awful. thank god i joined the air force

 

Ok! It was only a matter of time?

 

The difference between the four branches of service?

 

The difference hinges on the word "secure"

 

When the Marine Corps is told to secure a building, they call in Marine air strikes, Naval gunfire, arty gun fire, form a fire team, assualt the building, kill everyone in the building, burn the building to the ground, raze the earth, and salt it so nothing will ever grow there again!

 

When the Army is told to secure a building ~ they put up sandbags, and post a guard!

 

When the Navy is told to secure a building ~ they lock the windows and doors and the safe and go have a beer!

 

When the Air Force is told to secure a building, they take out a five year lease with an option to buy!

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burning 4 revenge

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

yeah, that's pretty much why i joined. i thought it was going to be a cakewalk. everyone told me that the air force would coddle me like my mother. well needless to say that was a lie. the air force was nothing like my mother. for one thing, not only did they not make my bed, but they kept getting furious about the way i made it. so i faked an asthma attack and was cut before the end of boot camp. on paper it's as if i never joined at all

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:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

yeah, that's pretty much why i joined. i thought it was going to be a cakewalk. everyone told me that the air force would coddle me like my mother. well needless to say that was a lie. the air force was nothing like my mother. for one thing, not only did they not make my bed, but they kept getting furious about the way i made it. so i faked an asthma attack and was cut before the end of boot camp. on paper it's as if i never joined at all

 

You just made my day ~ there Cupcake! I'm a 2X's Marne DI! The AF is a cakewalk compared to what I would have put your through! LOL~! Thanks for putting a smile on my face! I did nine years on the Island, (Parris Island) as a Marksmanhsip Coach, PMI, (Primary Marksmanship Instructor), and DI.

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that you are, I would think you would know?

 

The dance ~ allways the dance?

 

One step forward, and two steps back!

 

Anticipation, allways the romance! Allways forward, allways on the advance!

 

Allways giveing ~ allways pulling back!

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DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT ever have a boyfriend or husband who makes frequent and long trips to distant lands. Men are simply men.

 

Wow..talk about overgeneralized stereotyping. I'm sure you've just made a few thousand wives (whose husbands have to travel because of work) very nervous. For shame mr. T

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They taught me to "just do the 'right' thing. In all things. Its written upon your heart the day you were born ~ you know what it is ~ God wrote it upon your heart! Just do the right thing ~ and you know what that is!

 

 

I wish most of the men I know think in this same line. It's hurt so much that I don't know what I'm going to do when he comes home. But I know for sure one thing that I won't give him another chance to be with me, to hurt me like he always does. I'm a beautiful faithful asian girl, who does nothing wrong while he was away for the deployment twice and never once had I cheated on him. I've been a good wife always. I told him to find a place to stay when he gets back, because I can't stand seeing him in the same house with me. I can't imagine this happened to me. I feel okay from time to time, but when I'm in the state between asleep and awakening, I saw (concious thoughts) him touched that prostitute, kissed her? he was moaning while, you know all that details. I was stoned and wake up crying, feeling alone, and disgust. It seems there is no place for to hide in world.

 

No one in my family likes him from the begining and they're dying for me to leave him because the pains he put me through. Me as any other stubborn girls who don't listen much to the parents, think this is my life and it's my decision. I now start to see what they saw in him that he doesn't deserve me and that I do much better without him. I stayed because I love him and thought he might change. But you see, leopard never changed its spots. Gunny376, I'm glad that you replied to my post and that you understand lots about military life and so much experient with it. You're one of the very few honorable men I know.

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OK, I know I am going to catch a lot of heat on this, but "approximately 60 percent of men, compared to 30 percent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40."

 

http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,1ctn,00.html

 

Your husband at least was able to admit this to you. When you have been married a long time you begin to realize that we are all not living in fairy tales and people (spouses) slip up sometimes.

 

Is your husband truly sorry for what he did? Does he really love you? Just because he slipped up for 15 minutes while drunk overseas with his army buddies doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

 

You'll find people on these boards who have spouses having an ongoing physical and emotional affairs and they are still trying to mend their marriages.

 

He probably really regrets what he did and would do just about anything to fix this? I'm just trying to give you a different perspective on the situation.

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dream_for_love

Your husband at least was able to admit this to you. When you have been married a long time you begin to realize that we are all not living in fairy tales and people (spouses) slip up sometimes.

 

 

Yes, you're right on that but he did tell me once longer ago that he accidently cheated on his girlfriend because of the acohol and told her the truth the same this scenario. His not lying had earned him a respect from her and he wants that from me too. History repeat itself???

 

He probably really regrets what he did and would do just about anything to fix this? I'm just trying to give you a different perspective on the situation.

 

No, he doesn't try to fix anything. See what happened was that I found out the truth on 28th and his flight was due yesterday the 29th. I got so upset that I told him to leave me alone and that I won't go to pick him up and he uses taxi or the military bus. I just can't stand seeing his face right now. As writing this reply, I'm crying, because I love him so much it's also hurt so much. Because of the flight delayed, his plane didn't come until around 2am last night and I had happened to be at work (graveyard shift). He said that he will try to find the place to stay and will take all his stuff once he's home.

 

Well, this morning when I came home (I expected him to be home) he isn't here but I got an email that he is truthly sorry what he had done and he might HURT (kill) himself for his guilt and he got me so worry now that I think he might do something stupid to himself. I have no idea where he is at at the moment. I love him so much but I can't forgive him, not anymore, not this time.

 

You know, first I thought everything is going to be perfect that he would realize how much I care for him. God, this last week you have no idea how happy I was that he finally come home. It was like heaven was handing to me, but unfortunately heaven turned to hell in a blink.

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So he's done this before?

 

HE cheated on me once emotionally with this lady he knew her and talking with online for years. At the time I decided to forgive him and keep working on our marriage. Gone to counselling and opened up more and more to him. But the more I talked or told him how I felt for something bother me, the more like I was a total bitch in the house. During counselling sessions, he didn't even pay attention. In fact, the wound from that time is still fresh, hasn't yet fully heal and here another one coming.

 

You see, in our marriage, I'm more mature on things: bills, money, and others. In contrast, he likes to spend and careless if we have a penny in the bank. He used to have lots of female friends who know him more than me, his wife. He used to secretely email them and talked about what for only God knows. Also has problems with drinking and smoking, always overdrawn the bank account. Never enough no matter how much he has. So, it's more of a mother and son relationship type. He doesn't take me or anything relating to me seriously like he used to.

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Zeeboo Zebuloo

The dream of your ideal marriage is shattered because of a foolish decision, which he made all on his own. You can either live with all those heartbreaking itty-bitty pieces of betrayal & pain..., which is unbearable. Or? You can move far away (mentally, physically, or spiritually) and dream a new dream, Or? You can be strong and let the dream die. It's not your fault...He's the one who killed it. Say goodbye to the person you are, so you can become the person you will be.

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I was trying to keep quiet about the sterotype thing, but being an ex-squid, I will pipe up a little.

Not all Sailors(or Marines, Soldiers, Airmen) are manho's. There are some very wholesome people around. The ones that screw around are the ones that would've done it in the US. So, just by sending them overseas, does not make them bad people who are going to go and cheat on there wives. Yes, there is an old saying "What goes on overseas, stays overseas" (Seen a Las vegas Commercial, same idea) but its just a myth. I had a gf while I was in the Navy, and I was always faithful. I may be one in a handful, but not all Military are going to go out and do bad things. I know just as many wives that have been caught cheating while their hubbies were away. Call it human nature, call it what you will. There was a bar in San Diego, CA, called the Trophy Lounge. As soon as a ship pulled out, the "WESTPAC Widows" showed up, looking for the next man to shack up with. Shack up with em for 6 months, as soon as hubby comes back, they leave the one guy, go back to the hubby, and do it again in 18 months when the ship deployed again. I've seen more "Dear John" letters come across the water than I care to remember. I can't tell you how many people I have seen take a flying leap off of the deck of an aircraft carrier cause they got one of those letters. That being said, OP, wait until he gets home until you hit him in the head. That doesn't mean you can't start preparing for it. Get everything in order, decide what you want to do. Divorce is painful, and not very pleasent at all. If it's what you feel you must do, then do it. But at least wait until the guy gets back from overseas. Its hard enough to be in the middle of the ocean without that on your mind. I am not saying he is right in any way, but he has enough to worry about, and needs to have his head on a swival at all times. It will suck when he gets home and gets hit with this, but at least there are more people that can keep an eye on his safety. Visit a lawyer, get your papers in order, and be ready to go when he gets back.

I can tell you that not all military men are bad people. In fact, as can be seen, they can be the most honorable, caring, and emotionally strong people that will die for what they believe in.

Gunny,

my father was on the Island in 1971 and is an awesome person because of it. He was in Okinawa in 13th MT, still talks about those days. You can imagine the conversation when I joined the Navy. I got the acronym "Navy: Never Again Volunteer Yourself", but we squids have one for the Marine: "My A** Rides In Navy Equipment" I think we could go on all day, but... BTW, watched Jarhead and Full Metal Jacket last nite, I respect the Marines, but have no desire to be one. God Bless all the men and woman in the armed forces. And God bless those who marry them, its not an easy job. There used to be a sticker you could buy at the PX it said "___Wife: Toughest job in the ___" Fill in your service. Its the truth.

Hang in there dream, cause your dream will come true. Every person is brough to us for a reason, and that reason may not be what we want, but its something that we need. And someday, you will realize that reason, whether it works or it doesn't.

Me

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Dream_For_Love

DieselPWR,

 

I think I've heard my parents sometimes talked about that bar (my dad is in the navy) that as soon as the husbands left, the wives gathered and picked up guys. See, I'm not one of them, desparate, and have no morals. I'm faithful, always truthful to him. To find out what he did there, I am speechless. He is at a friend's house right now safe and sound. He just got his orders and suppose to be moving to new station in two months and I was so ready. But now instead of getting ready to a new base, I'm getting ready to move back home with my poor dog to my mom.

 

He cried on the phone and long emails to say how sorry he was, but my mom and inner me super ego told me let him go. You'd already accepted his first mistake his emotional affair and try so hard to work on the marriage was enough, if you let him get by this time, you will never find happiness you deserve. And he will never learn his lesson or how to treat and how love someone he declares his love to. Come home and continue your schooling. If he loves you as much as he said he never done in the first place and he will do ANYTHING in his power to win me back. But now all he does is mourn his own ****. He doesn't come home even I told him that he can if he wants. This is his house too and he is entitled to stay here as much as I do. Just under some conditions, no physical or emotional contacts.

 

So, now there is nothing I want from him except copy of his orders and the personal property if they can move all my stuff back home. His new station is going to be in same state where my mom lives 6 hrs away. I can't become a resident, for schooling purpose, at the state where im going right away without copy of his orders and that is why I need it.

 

I believe if you're truthly love someone so damn much you can't bring yourself to do what he'd done. He has his own hand for cry out loud. Jerk it off if he was that desparate then come home to me have sex all day or all night with me, if he wants. I want sex as bad as he was but I always wait for him and used alternative object to please myself. I hate it when guys use their only defend to have an excuse, guys think with their dicks, they can have sex with these women and have no feeling. Damn they don't, but there is a thing call the Goddam hand without destroying the marriage. I am trying so hard not to pity myself and keep thinking positive.

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Dream,

Please listen and listen closely. As much as you may not be able to see his face right now, you need to get him help. If he's threatning to harm himself, while calling the military isn't the best idea, as it will impact alot more than just him. But do as you must, and get him help. Threats to harm oneself shouldn't be taken lightly at all. Even if you don't like him ,it sounds like you still care for him, or you wouldn't have written. Call a suicide hotline and see if they will talk to him for you. Whatever you do, take it seriously.

I can tell you that personal property will not be easy to get moved, you may have to put that in the divorce papers to have him pay to get you moved. As for a copy of his orders, you can pretty much forget that one. Those orders are covered under the Privacy Act and cannot be divulged without the strict consent of the service member. If he gives them to you, that's another story.

I do have a suggestion for you. As an ex-service member, I hate to drop dimes on "shipmates", but you are the one asking for help. If you are near a Navy base, then there are a few options for you. 1. Contact Navy fleet and Family services. Depending on where you are, they are usually on base whereever you are. They may tell you to contact family advocacy, and proceed from there. 2. Contact Navy Legal. The way that works is that whoever seeks their advice first is eligible for free Legal advice; they cannot represent you, but can give you advice. If he's already done this, then they cannot legally see you.

As far as the sex goes, I am not really going to get involved. You abolutely right when it comes to it, so we'll leave it at that.

Real quick tho, I understand you're angry with good reason, but let's try and keep the language to a minimum; This is a public forum and anyone can read this. While true in the statement, the language and descriptions are a little too graphic. Again, I understand your anger.

And my last tip, make up your OWN mind. You're family, and friends will be biased, and while their advice may be sound and helpful, only you can decide what it is that you want. If you let everyone make decisions for you, then you will never realize what its like to be independt of others. Not a slam against you, but I think you know what you want. Do what YOU feels right. And at the end of the day, you will feel better with that.

God bless you through this tought time. There are some dark days ahead, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there

Me

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Dream,

Please listen and listen closely. As much as you may not be able to see his face right now, you need to get him help. If he's threatning to harm himself, while calling the military isn't the best idea, as it will impact alot more than just him. But do as you must, and get him help. Threats to harm oneself shouldn't be taken lightly at all. Even if you don't like him ,it sounds like you still care for him, or you wouldn't have written. Call a suicide hotline and see if they will talk to him for you. Whatever you do, take it seriously.

I can tell you that personal property will not be easy to get moved, you may have to put that in the divorce papers to have him pay to get you moved. As for a copy of his orders, you can pretty much forget that one. Those orders are covered under the Privacy Act and cannot be divulged without the strict consent of the service member. If he gives them to you, that's another story.

I do have a suggestion for you. As an ex-service member, I hate to drop dimes on "shipmates", but you are the one asking for help. If you are near a Navy base, then there are a few options for you. 1. Contact Navy fleet and Family services. Depending on where you are, they are usually on base whereever you are. They may tell you to contact family advocacy, and proceed from there. 2. Contact Navy Legal. The way that works is that whoever seeks their advice first is eligible for free Legal advice; they cannot represent you, but can give you advice. If he's already done this, then they cannot legally see you.

As far as the sex goes, I am not really going to get involved. You abolutely right when it comes to it, so we'll leave it at that.

Real quick tho, I understand you're angry with good reason, but let's try and keep the language to a minimum; This is a public forum and anyone can read this. While true in the statement, the language and descriptions are a little too graphic. Again, I understand your anger.

Don't sit around and wait for him to come crawling back. If you've made up your mind, then follow through. If you haven't, you need to work on deciding what you want and when you do, if it still involves him, then seek the help that you need. We men, especially military, are a proud bunch. There aren't too many who will come back crawling; there are exceptions to every rule. Speaking from a little recent expierence, there is only so much that is "In Our Power" as you say. If there is hope of saving you two, then you will have to let him know what you expect of him. Be reasonable, people don't change over nite. If you are truly done then be done and move on. Don't send mixed signals, or you will confuse him and you even more, and that's just not fair to the either of you.

And my last tip, make up your OWN mind. You're family, and friends will be biased, and while their advice may be sound and helpful, only you can decide what it is that you want. If you let everyone make decisions for you, then you will never realize what its like to be independt of others. Not a slam against you, but I think you know what you want. Do what YOU feels right. And at the end of the day, you will feel better with that.

God bless you through this tought time. There are some dark days ahead, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there

Me

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