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Has anyone used a mediator?


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Still unsure as to how all this works with using a mediator for an uncontested divorce. I know they act as a "referee" as we work things out.....but to what extent do you have to have things worked out before you take the info to a lawyer? The main thing I don't know is how to work out the amount of child support and alimony. Do We need to have that worked out or does the lawyer do that or at least give guidelines?

Thanks for any info!

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In my state, a mediator can get you through most of the process, all the way to a property settlement, spousal and child support, and a parenting plan. My state is a no-fault, "just and equitable division" state, which is not quite the same as a 50/50 community property state, but essentially we're going to do a 50/50 split of marital property. Anyway, here, once you have a property settlement, support, and a parenting plan that meets the state's requirements, you can go ahead and file yourself - I suppose you could have lawyers review the paperwork before filing, but as long as you both understand and agree to everything, I think that what you come away from the mediator with is pretty close to finished documentation. I know another couple (both attorneys, actually, although neither one of them a "family law" attorney) who did it all through a mediator. Seems to keep things flowing smoothly, and takes as much as possible of the adversarial nature out of things.

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Can you give me any suggestions?

 

I am in the midst of separating from my husband. We live very separate lives but under the same roof. I originally sought free consultation from a lawyer who advised me not to leave my home. (because my husband at first tried to convince me that since he put down the money in the arly days of our marriage ..it's been 13 years that we were married) The condo belongs to him.

A lawyer explained this was nonsense. So he (my husband has sort of dropped this point) but everytime we try to settle things between us he seems to throw up that the place mostly belongs to him. Though I've invested into our home equally..I was always fulltime working paid bills etc. Now he seems to want to have friend listen and mediate..which I find questionable. I guess I am wondering how does a mediator help in settling property or is it only settled thorugh a lawyer? If one uses a mediator does that negate seeking legal advice later if things are questionable still?

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Thanks for the info Trimmer! Went for a consultation with a lawyer today.......sounds like working things out on our own is the best way as far as expense! The lawyer told me $10,000 each is basically what it'll come out to be, and she won't even do anything with $3900 to start! My H from the beginning said, he wanted to do things this way, but this past week was when I told him I wanted a divorce after being separated 2 months. I guess because it wasn't the answer he was hoping to hear, he now has changed his thinking. And has gone to "the house and everything in it is half mine, so sell the house and give me my half". I don't want to do that as I have two children still at home (15 & 17 and am hoping to stay in the house until they finish high school), THEN I'll be more than happy to sell the house. I think though alot of what he is saying is out of anger right now, so I'm hoping we can do this is an amicable way.

How do you figure the amount of supports though? I wouldn't know where to start with that.

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The ex and I mediated. We researched it extensively in the Internet, got most of the elements together, understood the process BEFORE we went into a lawyer's office. He wanted to start by explaining mediation... blah blah blah and we cut him off. We got down to business. After three different one hour sessions we were finished. He drafted our documents and charged us $800.00 I think.

We had no real sticking points. We divided debt mostly and she re-fi'ed the house and "bought me out".

We both went through the house a few times seperately and 'divided' things. We sat down with our list and it matched pretty well.

I'd say you can do it if you leave out the emotional stuff. We only had one 'blow-up' and he did not really have to referee. We both kind of realized this was happening, why drag it out, get through it, get it over. (After 10 years of marraige)

I've heard stories where people 'lawyer up' and spend thousands of dollars fighting over a television set. Attorneys must love that!

I say suck it up, be nice, and git er done.

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