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He kissed me!


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 2nd April 2006, 12:28 AM   #1
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He kissed me!

Been separated from my husband now for about 7 weeks due to his alcohol problem that I just couldn't deal with any more.
he comes to visit with the kids when I'm at work, so I haven't seen him but two times since he left. The first time he just showed up at the door as I was leaving for a counseling session. "he just had to see me". He was quite upset, and that visit didn't go so well.
then yesterday I was coming home with my kids and they noticed his van, so I beeped to say hello, and he turned the van around and followed me back to the house. He stayed in his car and I talked with him about the kids and household things. I stood a good 8 feet away, and seemed like I couldn't shut up! I think I figured if I talked he couldn't talk and say the "I miss you, I love you, I want to come home" things he is always saying. So, then he gets out of the car and caresses my face, kisses me on the mouth and hugs me and says, "whether you like it or not".and then he left! I was shocked! NOT what I wanted! I'm sure he thinks this was a way of telling me he still wants to be with me, but I felt so angry, so manipulated! Any advice on this? thanks!
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Old 2nd April 2006, 1:16 AM   #2
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If he does it again, kick him in the fscking groin. He has NO RIGHT to touch you if you don't want to be touched.
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Old 3rd April 2006, 2:26 AM   #3
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Maybe he thinks you can be swayed into letting him back in your life by a display of affection. If you separated because of his alcohol problems, he might be thinking "oh, she's just p*ssed at me, she'll get over it." He is probably waking up to what he stands to lose and is trying to see how much chance there is of your softening up toward him. Are you really committed to your separation? What is the goal...to try and have him give up drinking, or did the relationship just go sour and you want to live apart from him? One thing is true, if you don't want contact you need to make it very clear to him so he's not getting mixed messages.
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Old 3rd April 2006, 11:45 AM   #4
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Thanks for the replies! I CAN see how he may think "she'll get over it", as the problems have gone on for years, and I gave him numerous "chances".
Not only did he drink, he used to sneak and hide the cans in the car, the yard, etc...also he took money from my purse (even though he had his own of course), took checks from my purse, and of course NOT the next check but like 10 down so it would take a while for me to find out; and THEN totally deny he took it UNTIL I showed him the canceled check with his signature on it! It got to the point where I "locked up"money and checks in a safe, and STILL he pried into it! He never abused me physically.....but I feel he did emotionally! I lost all trust for him! The reason for the separation was after believing he had stopped drinking, I "caught" him at work drinking! That was "IT" for me, I had enough. Right then and then I told him "I had enough I want a divorce". Guess he didn't believe me or didn't want to hear it! He started going to AA, but my feelings didn't change. so I suggested we separate to see "what we both want". "if we miss each other", etc.....I have been going to counseling, and suggested he do the same to understand "why he needs to numb himself with alcohol", but he "finds excuses not to go". He "says" he is sober, goes to AA every night, and besides working his regular full-time job he has now started another part-time job. "to keep busy".
as far as no contact, I'm not sure how to do this. We have two teens at home with me. We set it up where when I work, Wed and every other weekend evenings he sees the kids. He picks them up on Saturday after his work and brings them home Sunday night. On wednesdays however, he "stays at the house" for an hour or so (even cooking dinner for them). Our orignial agreement was that he would pick them up and take them OUT for fast food and then drop them off! I have reminded him several times about this agreement, but he doesn't see anything "wrong with coming in the house! he's "just visiting the kids". Although, he "knows" the books I've been reading as he's seen them on my dresser. And for
a while there, I'd come home from work and there was a note(asking about my boyfriend) which of course there is NONE.,flowers or some gift on my dresser. I told him at one point "when he calls I feel sick to my stomach" as I guess my nerves get the best of me. So, then when I called him to tell him our son got arrested, he didn't call me back; as he put it, "I didn't want to call because you said it gets you upset, and I figured the kids were just giving you a hard time. And I'm not there to help you with them, I'm not there because YOU don't want me there". The next day, I called him and told him "You are still responsible to disicipline the kids no matter WHAT house you live in". And we agreed if either needs to call the other about the kids we will say that and the other will return call ASAP, and then we will talk only about the kids! THAT'S what I was doing the day he came over.telling him all about the kids and what's been going on, when Kissed me!
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Old 3rd April 2006, 6:49 PM   #5
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I can understand your frustration AQ. Alcoholics are hard to deal with. They can be charming, manipulative and irritating all at the same time. Your h sounds like he is going to AA to satisfy you, but doesn't feel like he really has a problem. Denying and lying are pretty typical tactics when trying to hold on to what you've got. He sounds like he depends pretty heavily on you to be the sane, sensible person in his life. It appears you are tired of the role of caretaker and want him to straighten up and fly right. That is reasonable, but for most wives of alcoholics, it rarely happens. I hope you are the exception. For the rest, it's a matter of deciding if you can tolerate him in "as is " condition. CP
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