1AQUARIAN Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 My husband and I have been separated (not legally as that doesn't exist where I live) for about 6 weeks now. I am in the home with my two teenagers and he is staying with his mother. My issue is this, when he comes to see the kids it's when I am working. Wednesday eves and every other weekend. The original agreement was he would take the kids out for fast food and then "drop them off at the house" on Wednesday eves. However, what he is doing is coming to the house. At first he WAS taking them out, now he is staying at the house and cooking. On Saturday he picks them up after work and takes them with him overnight, but again he comes in the house. I feel this is not right. like an invasion of my privacy. The main reason I don't want him in the house is that when we weren't separated, he would go in my purse take $$, checks, etc.....I just don't trust him to be there. He IS going in the bedroom as he knows the books I've been reading that were on my dresser. Am I wrong to feel this way? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 This is a very sensitive issue. He doesnt have a place right now so Im sure he felt that this was a good idea and did it without asking you how you felt. You have every right to feel uncomfottable.He gave you enough reasons for it. I also have to remind you if his name is in any paperwork stating he or both of you are the owners of the home this might be a problem. Why not change the locks? Talk to your children and your husband.If you can have him sign a document stating visitation procedures and have it notarized even better. I know the kids might be very hurt because of the separation but you need to tell them how having him in the house makes you feel so they can understand. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 legally, you might not be allowed to change the locks. Having said that, I changed the locks to my house a week after he left. I did not feel comfortable him having access to my santuary, where i didnt have access to his. Plus, I wasnt sure what state of mind he was in since he just came home one day and left the next. If you are really uncomfortable, change them. It's better to be safe than sorry. But keep in mind, it might be illegal and he might be legally allowed to break into the house anyways. I would talk to your lawyer and ask him his advice. Link to post Share on other sites
orpheus Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Not sure where you live but in most areas until you get a legal agreement in place he is entitled to come and go as he pleases unless you have a formal agreement in place. Keep in mind he is entitled to half of the contents and property. If you feel threatened in anyway you can get a police order baring him from your home. But you will have to prove he is a threat. If you are really concerned about this change the locks on your house. If he tries to get in anyway that is proof to the police that he is a threat and you can get a court order against him. He should just do the proper thing and give you his key or give you a key to his mothers. The other option is to arrange a drop off spot where you can exchange the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It's interesting that my ex and I also had Wednesdays and every other weekend so you must be in Europe! We didn't have a legal separation when it comes to US, but we did have an agreement about him seeing the kids BEFORE we filed for divorce. So what you need to do is go to the center of social work and ask for a legal determination of his visits. they will determine WHEN and WHERE he takes the kids. It can be in front of your door or street or his door (if you or someone else) bring the kids there , so he doesn't have to come to your house. If it's legally not his home at all then he has no right to come to your place under any circumstances unless you invite him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Thanks to those who responded to my post. It IS a sensitive issue and I wasn't quite sure if I had the right to tell him he can't be here. I DON"T feel threatened by him as far as physically......just like I said, I feel like "he's invading my space". But, yes the house is in both our names......so legally I guess I DON"T have the right to tell him not to come in..it was just something that I mentioned to him before we separated..that I hoped he would honor, but hasn't! PLUS, I sometimes get the feeling when I come home from work, he'll be there. and I'm NOT ready for that! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts