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Getting Back Then Getting Divorce In A Week


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My wife called me last week and said that she decided that we should give our marriage one more chance. We decided that we would move to an apartment so that we can work on our marriage without dealing with our families. She told me that she would come and see me a week from last and asked me not to see her that weekend. I was okay with it.

 

Tonight I called her expecting that she would be coming. She said she needed some alone time but she would come Monday. I think she also wanted to tell the other guy of her intentions.

 

I asked her if she changed her mind about it. She said no. I went on to tell her that she needs to do this for herself and not because of influence from other people. She got angry. She told me that she has been going back and forth about this decision for a long time, and that I was pressuring her.

 

Anyways, she now decided to get a divorce.

 

I don't know what to feel right now. I just hope I can cope when it hits me.

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on an emotional rollercoaster, doesn't she?

 

I know it's tough but perhaps she's ultimately doing you a kindness. From what you wrote, not only is she conflicted and indecisive but she also already has another man in her life. It might be best to just begin planning a wonderful life for yourself without her in it.

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KTM. Honestly, I think that if you'll go back and read EVERY post that you've ever made here....you'll realize that you're jumping through hoops and not really going anywhere.:(

 

Someone posted recently that 'No one can use you for a doormat, unless you're first willing to lie down'. I'm having trouble remembering who it was...maybe it was Outcast?:confused: But the comment stuck with me, and I think maybe it's something for you to consider at this point.

 

Your wife doesn't seem to know WHAT she wants. But that's no excuse for putting YOU on this never-ending rollercoaster ride. You realize, don't you, that she can't do that without your specific cooperation? You're not obliged to keep riding. You can get off and walk away.

 

You may very well have NOT been the most emotionally supportive husband EVER. But that's not a mitigating factor in this current state of turmoil. If she wanted to make her point....well, she made it a long-ass time ago! So, why is she still playing with your head? And why are YOU still letting her?

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Well, I finally did it. I had enough courage to call her. We agreed on the divorce. She had no emotion about it.

 

Now I need to work on coping skills.

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Well, I finally did it. I had enough courage to call her. We agreed on the divorce. She had no emotion about it.

 

Now I need to work on coping skills.

 

I wish I had some words to make you feel better about it. I know it's got to be painful for you because you were so hopeful for a different resolution.:(

 

I think you might take heart in the posts of Dgiirl. As you read through some of her experience, you can observe her gaining strength and finding herself again. You can see her beginning to explore her world as a 'single' person, and even though life still brings her lots of questions....she's getting out there and finding some answers. Strong girl.:)

 

You can learn alot in Devildog's posts too. There comes a point at which you must accept that the person you love has flaws that are fatal to a good relationship. And no matter how much you wish it were different, at some point you have to liberate yourself, and realize that you can't make your spouse into the loving partner you want them to be.

 

No one of us is perfect, but when your partner is so self-involved that they become toxic to those who are closest to them....you just have to let them go. It's hard to do, because for so many years you held responsibility in your that heart for taking care of your partner. In some way's, that's the thing that you need to absolve yourself of....the responsibility for someone else's happiness.

 

I've heard it said that it takes thirty days to break a bad habit. I wonder if you treated the need for contact as if it were a "bad habit"....maybe you could break through to the other side a little faster.:confused: Perhaps 'No Contact' is the way to go while you're making this transition?

 

Whatever you decide, I think you'd do well to invest in KTM. Maybe develop some of your personal goals. Spend some time thinking about ways to improve your career. Get out with friends. Revitalize your interest in old hobbies. Maybe even shake things up a bit and move to a new location.

 

Breaking up sucks.:( But I can't help but think that a positive attitude will help you get through. Have you ever heard the saying, 'When God closes a door, He opens a window.'? Maybe you could look at this as an opportunity rather than a loss.

 

You've learned sooooo much about how relationships work. Your new knowledge can't help but benefit you in your next relationship. Who knows....it could be that the 'love of your life' is out there somewhere waiting to meet you. Once you've put all this pain behind you, you'll be ready for something bigger and better.

 

Your glass can be half full, or half empty. Your choice, Hon.;)

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