CatWoman112 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Hi, everyone! I'm new here, and I'm looking for some advice on my current situation. I'm almost 35 years old. I got divorced from my ex husband last year. We were together for a total of 6 years, but our marriage only lasted 1 year. After getting married, his alcohol consumption drastically increased to a point where he was drinking and driving continuously, coming home drunk all the time, wanting to have drunken arguments, etc. We had several conversations (and sometimes arguments), but it got to a point where he wasn't willing to change and things almost got physical. I'm in a new relationship now. When I began the relationship, I made it clear to my mother that I was only dating someone, and that it didn't mean I was going to be with him forever. I've purposely kept my relationship very private. My parents met my boyfriend twice for very short visits, but other than that, I don't bring my relationship up hardly at all to them unless necessary. During a conversation with my mother last week, she volunteered her opinion and my dad's opinion on my boyfriend, and it wasn't a positive one. I got super defensive and ultimately shut the conversation down. I told her that I wasn't interested in hearing their opinions on my relationship, and explained how I've purposely kept it private and intend to continue it that way. Ever since then, it's been eating away at me. Will they ever accept my new relationship? Do they wish I were still married to my ex husband? Should I distance myself from them? I am at a loss as to how to handle this moving forward, but I can't help thinking down the road if this does become a long term relationship. Any advice is welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 It would help to know what they dislike about him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I told her that I wasn't interested in hearing their opinions on my relationship, and explained how I've purposely kept it private and intend to continue it that way. Ever since then, it's been eating away at me. Will they ever accept my new relationship? Do they wish I were still married to my ex husband? Should I distance myself from them? You're going to have to choose a side - either you don't care about their opinion and you'll keep things to yourself or you do value their input and will discuss the issues. No judgment either way, but you'll make yourself crazy - and confuse them - by playing it both ways... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Do they have your best interests in mind or are they simply trying to be controlling? Remember that they were around for your entire romantic life and probably have opinions about your ability to "pick" boyfriends. Whether those opinions have value is another issue, but refer to my initial question here Without knowing what they had to say, you can't really judge whether those opinions have any value. If worse comes to worse, you can always fall back on this famous reply: "I'm sorry you feel that way". Properly intoned it's a great fight stopper. If Mom simply wants to berate you, use that reply. Your father and I think X could be irresponsible Sorry you feel that way Well, Y turned out bad just like we told you he would Sorry you feel that way Do you remember Z your first high school love who dumped you right before the prom? We knew and told you he was no good. Sorry you feel that way. Button pushers hate this because their critiques of you never gain traction. Your buttons are simply too slippery to push! Don't fall into argument mode. Even at your age and level of life experience you are still their child in their minds. But unless you listen to what they/she has to say. You'll never know if their opinions have value or not Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Hi, everyone! I'm new here, and I'm looking for some advice on my current situation. I'm almost 35 years old. I got divorced from my ex husband last year. We were together for a total of 6 years, but our marriage only lasted 1 year. After getting married, his alcohol consumption drastically increased to a point where he was drinking and driving continuously, coming home drunk all the time, wanting to have drunken arguments, etc. We had several conversations (and sometimes arguments), but it got to a point where he wasn't willing to change and things almost got physical. I'm in a new relationship now. When I began the relationship, I made it clear to my mother that I was only dating someone, and that it didn't mean I was going to be with him forever. I've purposely kept my relationship very private. My parents met my boyfriend twice for very short visits, but other than that, I don't bring my relationship up hardly at all to them unless necessary. During a conversation with my mother last week, she volunteered her opinion and my dad's opinion on my boyfriend, and it wasn't a positive one. I got super defensive and ultimately shut the conversation down. I told her that I wasn't interested in hearing their opinions on my relationship, and explained how I've purposely kept it private and intend to continue it that way. Ever since then, it's been eating away at me. Will they ever accept my new relationship? Do they wish I were still married to my ex husband? Should I distance myself from them? I am at a loss as to how to handle this moving forward, but I can't help thinking down the road if this does become a long term relationship. Any advice is welcome. Well they are your parents. If they have a hunch or sense something is off...it could be important. My question is this. Does your new guy drink? Or is he sober and the complete opposite of your ex? Also how long after breaking up...not the actual finality of the divorce did you start dating new guy? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 What don't they like about him? Do their concerns have any merit? Do you live with your parents? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 The thing is... that you are 35 YO, and you are a grown woman. So, you can make whatever decision you want. Like others said, it would help to know what they don't like about him. Now, if your parents are "good" parents, were always there for you, and always have your best interest in mind... not taking their opinions into account sort of make you look like a petulant child. So, you have to decide how much weight their opinions matter. I will say this, for my daughter, the ones that I did not like, were duds. I was right every time. So it may be wise to at least take what they say into consideration. Now, after a 6 year relationship, YOU need to be wise enough to make good decisions about the new guy as well. It is a little early to get too deep so soon after a divorce... Link to post Share on other sites
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