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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:11 AM   #1
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Divorce or stay

I really need help please guys
This may be long but i really need advice . I got married March of 2016. but i haven’t been faithful. I’ve been verbally Abusive, emotionally also. I am very irresponsible i recently lost my job and thru out our marriage i put a financially strain on everything. We were recently living with her parents because of me not being responsible. About a month ago i moved out and that really hurt her.

The reason i moved because me and her really don’t get along i feel like she doesn’t sumit to me but i give her more than enough reasons not to. I get mad when she don’t wash my clothes or fix me dinner . Honestly i have literally been the most terrible husband a woman could ask for . And my wife is a great woman . She is smart , very beautiful, and has a great heart . I also enjoy her sex and i don’t understand why i cheat. I actually cheated 4 years ago and had a child on her . I have four children all together. Two by my wife and two with someone else .

I think she is done with me and i am very sad about it. I really want to work things out but i don’t know if i should . She hasn’t filed for divorce yet but she admitted that has male friends who she text and maybe go out with . I can honestly say before she told me that i wasn’t interested on fixing our marriage. I really do want her to be happy as crazy as it may sound. Me and her really don’t have a lot in common she’s very intellectually. She has a master degree. I barley graduated high school.

I hacked her social media and looked at some of the convos she has with other guys and they are very deep and intellectually. She told me i don’t stimulate her in that way i usually just talk about rap music and sports she is heavy into astrology and spirituality.so i know she is truly happen now . I deal with depressed and anxiety and it’s very bad i often project my Insecurities on her. What ever i hate about myself i think she hates about me and i treat her as if she does . As crazy as it sounds i do love her and i thought i was ready to let go when i moved out but i see now that i am not or maybe I’m just scared to let go.

Before we married we had two real break ups like the one now and the same thing i didn’t care until i knew she was talking to other guys and then i sold her dreams to get her back and after awhile i returned to my old self . I think if i get help with my depression and things i can keep her happy . Me and her use to have a lot of fun when we first met in 2012. We were both 23 at the time but as time went by it flamed out.

I know this may offend some people and i am sorry I’m such a bad husband i really do want. To be a better person overall . We haven’t tried marriage counseling yet. Should i try or just let her go ? She has every right to want to leave and i understand that but I’m just really confused

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 2nd February 2018 at 7:57 AM..
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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:29 AM   #2
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Yes, please leave her alone. No MC. You need to go work on yourself, honestly you have nothing to offer her at this point expect more pain. If you care for her and want her to be happy then you have to recognize your not the guy. Work on being a better person, then maybe (but doubtful) there may be a chance she allows you the opportunity to be a better husband.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 3rd February 2018 at 9:34 PM.. Reason: Redact full quote of starting post
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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:30 AM   #3
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Yes, please leave her alone. No MC. You need to go work on yourself, honestly you have nothing to offer her at this point expect more pain. If you care for her and want her to be happy then you have to recognize your not the guy. Work on being a better person, then maybe (but doubtful) there may be a chance she allows you the opportunity to be a better husband.
Thank you for your advice Iím so torn in between the two . I think Iím at least going to tell her how i feel and go from there
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Old 2nd February 2018, 8:11 AM   #4
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It's time to grow up. You have 4 children who rely on you for financial support & emotional stability. Get your act together. Get a job. Learn to be a nice person. Stop cheating & set a good example for your children.

If you can do all of those things -- including your own freakin' laundry & making the breadwinner in your home dinner -- instead of whining that she's supposed to submit to you because you happen to have a Y chromosome & external genitalia then you may have a chance at succeeding in your life.

At this point, I don't understand why the continuation of your marriage is even up to you. Your wife must be a saint to take you back after all the cheating & your entitled attitude.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 8:48 AM   #5
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Yes, you should let her go. You have hurt her enough already...
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Old 2nd February 2018, 10:32 AM   #6
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It's time to grow up. You have 4 children who rely on you for financial support & emotional stability. Get your act together. Get a job. Learn to be a nice person. Stop cheating & set a good example for your children.

If you can do all of those things -- including your own freakin' laundry & making the breadwinner in your home dinner -- instead of whining that she's supposed to submit to you because you happen to have a Y chromosome & external genitalia then you may have a chance at succeeding in your life.

At this point, I don't understand why the continuation of your marriage is even up to you. Your wife must be a saint to take you back after all the cheating & your entitled attitude.

I really appreciate your reply . My friends tell me this stuff and Idk it’s weird but it means more coming from somebody who don’t actually know me . I’m definitely going to make a major change in my life for my self and my children and. Hopefully she can back one day if not i have to live with that
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:45 AM   #7
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What are you confused about? You [] put the person you "love" through hell.

You still have a chance to change yourself to become the person you want to be [or] let her go. This is your battle no one elses
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Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 3rd February 2018 at 9:32 PM.. Reason: Redact abusive langauage and moderate member
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:53 AM   #8
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The sooner she moves on from you the better..
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Old 2nd February 2018, 1:16 PM   #9
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You can change whenever you want to. Just stop the self pity and get to work...both figuratively and literally.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 3:01 PM   #10
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Divorce her so she can find happiness and someone who will cherish and treat her right. You can then work on yourself or don't. Stop being selfish and let her be happy.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 5:35 PM   #11
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I really want to work things out but i don’t know if i should.
You’re not sure if you should?? I’m not sure if you can.

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Should i try or just let her go ?
At this point, I don’t think it’s really up to you.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 6:20 PM   #12
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I wish you well & hope this is the wake up call you need.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:55 PM   #13
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Youíre not sure if you should?? Iím not sure if you can.

At this point, I donít think itís really up to you.
Exactly. She would have to be crazy to go back to this very unhealthy relationship...
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:26 PM   #14
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Hey man! Thanks for being honest here! Since you ask for help, let me jump right in! If you have not tried counseling, you definitively should! You need it for sure so you can start getting better at a personal level! About your wife, you can ask her if she is willing to attend counseling sessions with you and let her decide one more time if she wants to give you another shot! Whatever she decide, respect her wishes and work on your own improvement for now! I know of a tool that you can use to find someone to talk! While you start your own process, start working on yourself and make the decision to stop doing the things that you know are wrong and are hurting yourself and your wife! Whether you do it together or separated, it is time to move forward my friend!
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:38 PM   #15
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Moderation merged two threads on a similar topic and I moderated one member for abusive language.

Here's a tip:

When a new member shows up with a provocative relationship issue, that's a great time to remember our civility and respect guidelines because otherwise moderation presumes everyone that's been here awhile has seen all this stuff and knows our rules and are purposely violating them so we will deal with you appropriately.

So, let's focus on the topic and move forward. Thanks!
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