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When to give up and child custody


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 21st January 2018, 4:55 AM   #1
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When to give up and child custody

I am considering divorce for several reason. Some that have seen previous posts on other topics may understand. At this point my wife provides no benefit to the family. She does not cook, clean, pay bills, take care of kids, etc. I wish this was an exaggeration. We have two children 3 and 6 with the youngest having down syndrome. I honestly cannot tell the last time she made a meal, bathed them, tucked them into bed, or taken them to a birthday party among other things. Our oldest has told me he doesnt love or like mommy as much nor does he think he can depend on her. In fact everytime she enters a room he leave.

At this point i am having an internal fight knowing that things are not right at home or healthy and not sure my wife is willing to make any changes as she has not in 7 years. If i really consider the best interest of our children I feel that would be with but worry that the courts may not see it the same way. We have been in counseling and i have tried to make the changes i needed to make. In some cases I think it has made things worse as i have started antidepressant and no longer giving in immediately.

My boys are my main concern but know my health is being impacted as well. If anyone has been through a similar situation or can provide any advice or feedback I would appreciate it.
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Old 21st January 2018, 5:19 AM   #2
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When I read this, my first question was about your wife's mental health. Her actions are that of someone who's pretty much disconnected from the world. So I looked up your history and found that she's an alcoholic and that you also think she has mental health issues. With this in mind, her behaviour makes perfect sense.

Does she leave the house? Work? Is she able to take care of her own basic needs? Who cares for the children when you are at work?

In this post, you're focusing on the symptoms and not the cause. I can't help but wonder if her alcoholism is a form of self medication and her lack of input into domestic duties are because she's literally unable to function due to both of the factors combined.

Rather than removing the children's mother straight up, I think you owe it to your children to do everything in your power to get her back on track and give them a functioning mother. Have you taken her to see a doctor and laid it all out on the table? What does your wife say about her own feelings?

You also mention having issues with your own assertiveness here. Mate, if you care about your kids, you're going to have to pull on your big boy pants and do what needs to be done.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:28 AM   #3
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Have you talked to her about substance abuse? Being that she recently had children, it couldn't have been that long ago that things were a bit brighter?
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Old 23rd January 2018, 5:27 PM   #4
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If you've both been to counseling, I'm curious on what was said to your wife regarding your comments about the kids. If she is battling depression, she needs a lot of mercy and help. I'll stand with you that you receive wisdom and peace in what you should do. That your heart and mind is free from unforgiveness, anger and bitterness.
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Old 28th January 2018, 11:55 PM   #5
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My wife started working again 3 months ago. We have a sitter watching our youngest and our oldest in school. She does havr medication for depression, anxiety, and adhd. I am not sure she is being completely honest regarding her symptoms, issues, or drinking. We have been to counseling off and on for almost 3 years. She denies many of the issues and places blame on me for problems in oyr marriage. I have told her that I am no longer buying her alcohol which is met with complaints of me controlling her. I definately need more work with being assertive amd setting boundries but seem to end up apologizing for upsetting her when i tell her how i feel. I did tell her some of the things i needed her to do, assist with bills, kids, chores, etc as well as not resulting to insults. She said that she is not willing to put in amymore time or effort to change until i make the changes she wants. The main thing she wants is to be a priority but find it difficult when having to take care of everything else. Of course i am tired and stressed when i do have a few moments.
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:08 AM   #6
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Talk won't get you much.

Sounds like you either take it or leave it.

Why stay? What's it getting you?
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