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Infidelity at Early Stage of Marriage


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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  • 3 Post By LivingWaterPlease
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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:25 PM   #1
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Infidelity at Early Stage of Marriage

My Diseased Marriage

November last year, I was in a really terrible situation, we were married for just 9 months and we’re together for just 4 months when my husband told me he doesn’t love me anymore. He did not give an exact explanation, he just said he’s not feeling the same way as what we had when we started having relationship. Without any justifiable reason, I kept on thinking that he was just confused of being a newly-wed couple. He was still adjusting, so I gave him time and space to think.

I went to my home country and celebrated Christmas and New Year with my family. I was happy with my support group, my family, and friends. Came new year, I went back abroad to be with him and to find a job.
Honestly, I have hopes that the marriage will be fixed and we will be okay. One day, he went to work and I was left in the house. I was watching some Korean series on his ipad. I checked his FB messages and then boom! It slapped me in my face!

He had this sweet conversation with a girl I don’t know. He’s saying that he misses the girl so much. He wanted the girl to admit her feelings for him, but the girl did not answer because she knows my husband is married and the girl was also getting married. The last conversation they have was a missed video call from the girl. And then no more messages.

Now, I don’t know how to handle this situation. Should I confront the cheating husband when he got back from work? Or should I give it sometime? My husband is making me stupid with all these ****s and I don’t want to pretend that I am stupid as he thinks.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:05 PM   #2
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From what I know now I'd see an attorney and serve him with divorce papers.

That may sound harsh or impulsive but I've seen so much over the years of people who cheat early in a marriage and continue on for years, becoming addicted to the practice that I wouldn't much care to continue on in a relationship that I believe would be likely to fail. Not sure I've ever seen anyone cheat early in a marriage and not continue on with the habit.

At least I'd hope that's what I'd do. At the very least I'd serve him with some serious consequence, such as possibly a separation and then require him to do counseling with me before we move back in together.

So sorry to lay it out there so bluntly, friend. But, right now you don't have children and divorce would be much easier at this point than after you have children to factor into the equation.

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 2nd January 2018 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:18 PM   #3
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Hi LivingWaterPlease,

I am married and the Philippines and we dont have divorce in the country. We have annulment but according to a friend, we have to be married for at least a year before we file annulment.

I will seek legal advice regarding the separation because when I moved with him, I left everything, my job, my family and my home. Now I am looking for a job to sustain my home loan. I'm broke. Because of what he did to me, I want him to pay that house and support me because I dont have any savings.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:44 PM   #4
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Yes, you are wise to see an attorney about this to learn what your rights are. Good thinking!
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:54 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoneGirl2018 View Post
I am married and the Philippines
It's not clear to me whether you're originally from the Philippines, or whether your husband lives there. But either way, there are two countries involved, one of which is the Philippines.

It's almost certainly possible, and easier, to get a divorce in the other country. You should see a lawyer there and find out if the other country would have jurisdiction to grant you a divorce. Getting an annulment in the Philippines is a long, expensive process. Getting a divorce in the other country will almost certainly be easier, cheaper and quicker.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:18 AM   #6
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Hi Gonegirl, can you tell us which is your home country? Is it South Korea? Your post seems confusing at times because you talk of a house on which you have to pay mortgage but you have not specified where it is, in the Philippines or your home country. I doubt it can be in the Philippines as you have hardly been there long enough. If it in your home country then I think you are in a bit of a quandary. Your husband has checked out of the marriage, you do not have a job and are penniless. However, you are expecting your husband to help pay the mortgage on your house. Is that not a bit unrealistic?

I think Peg-nose-Pete has got it right. Get back to your home country, file for divorce and get back your job. You are only wasting your time in the Philippines. Sorry if that sounds harsh but realistically speaking that seems the only viable course of action for you to take to safeguard your interests. Warm wishes.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:40 PM   #7
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We’re both Filipino and got married in the Philippines before we moved to Canada.
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:29 AM   #8
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Hi Gonegirl, if you are currently living in Canada then Canadian laws will apply and not the Philippine laws. I think you could file for divorce in Canada immediately. Maybe one of the Canadian members on here can advise you better. Also, do yo7 have a house/ home in Canada or in the Philippines on which you have to pay mortgage? Some clarity needed here. Warm wishes.
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Old 4th January 2018, 11:19 AM   #9
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Right, my understanding is thus...

If you are Muslim then you can divorce in the Philippines. Problem solved.

If not then you should see a lawyer in Canada and ask if you can get a divorce there. If so then you can dissolve the marriage, get a financial resolution and be free to re-marry someone else. However the divorce will not be "valid" in the Philippines and you will be unable to re-marry in the Philippines. If you wanted to re-marry in the Philippines then you'd need to apply for an annulment, which would probably be easier if you've got a Canadian divorce decree in your hand.

If you can't get a divorce under Canadian law then your options would be either converting to Islam to get a divorce in the Philippines, or going through the long and expensive process of an annulment.
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