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wife is staying with friends - says she's "done"


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My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6.

 

Recently my son came to live with us (then 8 years old, now 12) and I did not do well adjusting. I became angry with him when he would "bother" me (he just wanted to show me his stuff - a lot). I think I acted this way because my wife was so upset with the change of him coming to live with us. She cried and told me the first weekend how it felt like we weren't even together when he was here.

 

It was then that problems began with he and I.

 

I also got involved in a bunch of negative discussions on the internet and I know that drove her crazy (politics mostly). I became a very negative person over the last 3 years and until two months ago I wasn't working.

 

Last week we argued about traffic and I was a complete ass, I mean really bad. We don't yell, but everything she says, I invalidated with "logic".

 

This went on for two days, she wouldn't discuss it, she's the type to bottle up her emotions. I forced the issue on friday and she left. At first she said she's going with friends for a few hours, then I asked her why she is leaving while we are upset with each other and she blew up.

 

She said that I am not the type of father that she wants for her kids, that my parenting style "sucks". That I am always negative about everything, traffic, life, spending money, etc. She was right.

 

I didn't handle the change into parenthood very well. I know that. Since she left I have made it a point to be more available to him, we do more together and he is much happier.

 

I have removed political stuff from my facebook account. unfollowed 100s of fb friends that post political crap. I'm really making an effort (for me) to be more positive (I have to, for my own sake and my son's).

 

I have cleaned the entire house, I was the type to stockpile little "projects" and I have since thrown them all out, the closets are empty and there is more space everywhere, it feels good.

 

Communication so far:

I sent this the morning after she left: "I had no right to act surprised last night. I've known you feel trapped for a long time. I always want to talk out problems when in reality this one has to be solved with actions. I always ignore what you say if I disagree, and that is so wrong. There is no way to ignore how badly I have damaged our marriage. I shouldn't have to ask what is wrong, especially when I already know. I should trust my instincts even when you can't bring yourself to tell me.

 

With or without you I have to be better for myself and my son. I don't have the relationship I want with him. I am not ready to give up on our marriage, but I know space will do us both good and I intend to respect your boundaries in a way I never have if you decide to come home. We should not be spending every single minute together, for so many reasons. I feel like we'd be much happier if we just started over. If you decide it still isn't what you want down the line, I think I can finally accept that. I don't want to be with you if it isn't what you want. I want you to have your interests and time with your friends, and I want to pursue the same with mine.

 

I'd like it if you'd come home and enjoy our xmas. I will be mindful of your boundaries and I don't expect you to discuss this with me anymore. I know what I have to do and I put it off for too long.

 

I love you, Name."

 

She replied back saying:

"I'm done, Name. But I do have to work tomorrow, so I gotta come get my work clothes sometime today. I'd rather you weren't there when I do."

 

I said: "We'll work it out later. Son's Name is getting up now."

Then a few hours later: "Probably not going anywhere today. Logan is enjoying his presents, I'm not eating. It's just not a good time for an outing.

 

Then Later: "Send a list and I'll get everything ready for you. The guys and Name will be here later so I can have one of them run it down."

 

She replied: "Grab all the black pants hanging in the closest, and my shirts are in the dryer still. Needs to be restarted if possible... And my vest."

 

I said: "Son's name already took care of your shirts. Got it. Anything else?"

 

She said, that's it, I said come by whenever. She then asked for a few more things and I packed them too, chargers and etc.

 

asked me to leave it on the porch I said just come get it, I won't explode I have to be alright for my son. (She's used to me being quite emotional, but I kept my cool.) She asked if it was ready, I said yes, she said she's gonna "grab it and go" and I said "Ok but I think you're picturing me in a different mindset."

 

She came to the house and I was there to give her the bag, I also told her to open one of her presents, because we had argued about it (new vape) because I didn't wanna ruin the surprise, she did and forced a smile. I told her that we really need to talk sometime, we can't leave it like this after ten years. She looked like she agreed, and nodded her head. I said I love you as she left. No response. That was Saturday, 3 pm.

 

Sunday I had to go get water and a heater from her job, I avoided her. She didn't see me, but I saw her.

 

There has been no contact since then. Today she messaged me saying she needs to get more clothes and stuff, asked if we can leave for an hour or so after she gets off, said she's gonna write the rent check, but she needs her debit card back (the account is in her name).

 

I haven't responded yet. I don't know if I should leave the house, stay here, pack her stuff for her, or what to do AT ALL.

 

I want our marriage to work, I know that will take significant and lasting change on my part and I have made/am making these changes, but she can't see it.

 

What should I do here? Thanks for any advice.

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Send her flowers to where she is with a note:

 

I am very sorry. I love you & don't want to lose you. Let's start fresh in 2018. I would like to try marriage counseling. Please give us a second chance.

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heartbrokenlady

Give her some time and space. Christmas is a hard time of year plus her emotions will be running very high.

 

In a couple of weeks or a month, ask her to meet you somewhere public to talk. Keep it public so she doesn't feel threatened and also so she knows you can't blow up.

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Send her flowers to where she is with a note:

 

I am very sorry. I love you & don't want to lose you. Let's start fresh in 2018. I would like to try marriage counseling. Please give us a second chance.

I worry that this would seem like pleading. I've never sent her flowers, but it does sound like a halfway good idea.

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Send her flowers to where she is with a note:

 

I am very sorry. I love you & don't want to lose you. Let's start fresh in 2018. I would like to try marriage counseling. Please give us a second chance.

 

Give her some time and space. Christmas is a hard time of year plus her emotions will be running very high.

 

In a couple of weeks or a month, ask her to meet you somewhere public to talk. Keep it public so she doesn't feel threatened and also so she knows you can't blow up.

 

I said blow up, but what I mean is being clingy, wanting to talk about the marriage, etc.

 

My biggest question right now is should I leave while she comes to the house or should I stay here and be cool?

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heartbrokenlady
I said blow up, but what I mean is being clingy, wanting to talk about the marriage, etc.

 

My biggest question right now is should I leave while she comes to the house or should I stay here and be cool?

 

 

Give her what she wants for now. If part of her complaint is that you don't listen to her, show her that you can.

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Do you want to have a power struggle or fix your marriage? She thinks you don't care & you are this angry guy. Unless you show her that you genuinely care about her & her feelings, this marriage is over. Begging is not a bad thing. Being clingy is a bad characteristic in a new dating relationship. Showing your SPOUSE that that you are willing to be vulnerable & sacrifice for the good of the entire family is warranted here.

 

Everything you have been doing & not doing (failing to ever send flowers in 10 years) hasn't worked. Perhaps it's time to shake things up.

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How many times has she asked you to change your behavior and you didn't?

 

What can you do to get her to believe it now?

 

She may be hurt beyond anything fixable. Some people save up all their anger and when it finally does come out, it way too late to make repairs.

 

She could very likely feel the same things you do but however you were such an ******* to her she doesn't trust you. You don't make her feel safe and happy.

 

What the hell are you doing to your kid? His parent's can't even even be adults and you expect him to act like one? He's learning to become an adult by watching you so unless you want him to act like you do you better fix that crap and show him a different way.

 

I don't want to sound cruel or mean when I say this. You need to prove to her your serious and not just saying it again for the uptenth time.

 

I'd give her space, you do you and whatever you need to do, when shes ready, IF she ever will be again, she'll come home.

 

Keep in mind the good ones often have plenty of guy to choose from so either step up and be the man she needs or step aside so the next guy can.

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How many times has she asked you to change your behavior and you didn't?

 

What can you do to get her to believe it now?

 

She may be hurt beyond anything fixable. Some people save up all their anger and when it finally does come out, it way too late to make repairs.

 

She could very likely feel the same things you do but however you were such an ******* to her she doesn't trust you. You don't make her feel safe and happy.

 

What the hell are you doing to your kid? His parent's can't even even be adults and you expect him to act like one? He's learning to become an adult by watching you so unless you want him to act like you do you better fix that crap and show him a different way.

 

I don't want to sound cruel or mean when I say this. You need to prove to her your serious and not just saying it again for the uptenth time.

 

I'd give her space, you do you and whatever you need to do, when shes ready, IF she ever will be again, she'll come home.

 

Keep in mind the good ones often have plenty of guy to choose from so either step up and be the man she needs or step aside so the next guy can.

 

And you think I haven't had these same thoughts. Did you even read my post? I'm looking for solutions, not reasons to be down on myself. I've got enough of those.

 

I came here honestly, and I'm being honest with myself too. Name-calling really isn't the best way to make your advice take root.

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I am being better to my son and I intend to keep it up. I'm doing better around the house and at work and I intend to keep that up, too. I know what has to be done, and I'm doing it.

 

The problem is there's no one here to see it, I really want her to come back so there will be accountability, I never wanna be the man who pushed her away again.

 

She's my wife and I want her to be happy. I know I can make her happy. I can do the things she wants. How can I get her to see that if she's not here and won't talk to me?

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Sometimes we wake up after the party is over.

 

That’s what happened in my marriage. I realized I was wrong and tried to change at the end, but it was too little too late.

 

That may be the case here. Even if it is not the case, it’s her choice to stay or leave. Her decision. You trying to force or manipulate the issue only delays her ultimate decision. If she wants to go, let her go cleanly.

 

It would help if you were truly stoic. Understood what that meant and were able to do it. The behavior you’ve described to this point is far from stoic. Not even close.

 

The stoic man doesn’t get angry with his son over petty issues. Doesn’t argue with his wife. Doesn’t cling to negative and offensive political views. And doesn’t impede his wife when he’s driven her to the brink and she wants to leave.

 

“Stoicism teaches how to keep a calm and rational mind no matter what happens to you and it helps you understand and focus on what you can control and not worry about and accept what you can't control.” LINK

 

If you were truly stoic, your wife wouldn’t be leaving.

 

But, that’s water under the bridge.

 

What can you do today?

 

Be calm. Stop begging, apologizing, and explaining. Control what you can control. Accept life as it comes.

 

That means peacefully letting your wife make her decision.

 

Then work on being the best man you can be - whether she stays or leaves. And the best father you can be to your son.

 

There’s no shame in having lots of learning and growing to do. We all do. We can’t change the past. We can only be the best we can be in the present. Right now. Today. Strive for that - your best self. It’ll change your life. You deserve it. Your son deserves it. And your wife deserves it.

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She's watching whether you think she is or not.

 

Trust=Integrity over time

 

I still don't read sincerity in your words. I don't read anything that makes me, as a guy, think your taking ownership or your actions. OH you say you are, you say you did, But have you? Overnight? Can you change your behavior/personality style overnight? The most prominent thing in your words I get is defensiveness. The same behavior that got you into this mess to begin with.

 

I'll add to the above. You seems to be wanting to change FOR HER, not FOR YOU. That right there is the problem at hand.

FOR HER isn't what she wants or needs. She is likely looking for the guy that is what she wants, not one that just acts like it.

Edited by Mr.Me
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Sometimes we wake up after the party is over.

 

That’s what happened in my marriage. I realized I was wrong and tried to change at the end, but it was too little too late.

 

That may be the case here. Even if it is not the case, it’s her choice to stay or leave. Her decision. You trying to force or manipulate the issue only delays her ultimate decision. If she wants to go, let her go cleanly.

 

It would help if you were truly stoic. Understood what that meant and were able to do it. The behavior you’ve described to this point is far from stoic. Not even close.

 

The stoic man doesn’t get angry with his son over petty issues. Doesn’t argue with his wife. Doesn’t cling to negative and offensive political views. And doesn’t impede his wife when he’s driven her to the brink and she wants to leave.

 

“Stoicism teaches how to keep a calm and rational mind no matter what happens to you and it helps you understand and focus on what you can control and not worry about and accept what you can't control.” LINK

 

If you were truly stoic, your wife wouldn’t be leaving.

 

But, that’s water under the bridge.

 

What can you do today?

 

Be calm. Stop begging, apologizing, and explaining. Control what you can control. Accept life as it comes.

 

That means peacefully letting your wife make her decision.

 

Then work on being the best man you can be - whether she stays or leaves. And the best father you can be to your son.

 

There’s no shame in having lots of learning and growing to do. We all do. We can’t change the past. We can only be the best we can be in the present. Right now. Today. Strive for that - your best self. It’ll change your life. You deserve it. Your son deserves it. And your wife deserves it.

 

I understand that. Thanks for the reply. Stoicism is something I discovered in the last 6 months and have put into practice. For instance once she left I didn't sit and cry, I cleaned the entire house because it's in my control. I spent more time with my son, I've given up cigarettes.

 

That's the shame in this, I feel like I finally have the tools to progress and she's gone. You may be right, the party may be over.

 

She's watching whether you think she is or not.

 

Trust=Integrity over time

 

I still don't read sincerity in your words. I don't read anything that makes me, as a guy, think your taking ownership or your actions. OH you say you are, you say you did, But have you? Overnight? Can you change your behavior/personality style overnight? The most prominent thing in your words I get is defensiveness. The same behavior that got you into this mess to begin with.

 

Defensiveness, no. I don't think you do, or can, understand our relationship and you're reading into a lot of things. Thanks anyway, really. I imagine you are trying to be helpful.

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She said she wanted to pick up her things from the porch and leave, that is what she wanted and you wanted to give her the things face to face and give her the gift.

 

 

She asked you not to be there and you were there with people.

 

 

Now she is asking to come by to get her things without you being there and you are asking if you should be there.

 

 

She is telling you exactly what she wants and you cannot even give her the courtesy to respect her wishes and leave the house for a short time so she can get her things without running into you. You are still putting yourself first. How frustrating that must be for her.

 

 

The answer is she is not going to walk in and say, wow, you changed, let's work it out. She is going to be driven further away because what she does see is you still not respecting her wishes and making it harder for her to get her stuff without having to deal with you at the moment.

 

 

Today she messaged me saying she needs to get more clothes and stuff, asked if we can leave for an hour or so after she gets off... I haven't responded yet. I don't know if I should leave the house, stay here..."

 

 

It should have taken you 5 seconds to reply back, "let me know what time and I will leave until you text me back that you are done". The fact that you didn't really speaks volumes.

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She said she wanted to pick up her things from the porch and leave, that is what she wanted and you wanted to give her the things face to face and give her the gift.

 

 

She asked you not to be there and you were there with people.

 

 

Now she is asking to come by to get her things without you being there and you are asking if you should be there.

 

 

She is telling you exactly what she wants and you cannot even give her the courtesy to respect her wishes and leave the house for a short time so she can get her things without running into you. You are still putting yourself first. How frustrating that must be for her.

 

 

The answer is she is not going to walk in and say, wow, you changed, let's work it out. She is going to be driven further away because what she does see is you still not respecting her wishes and making it harder for her to get her stuff without having to deal with you at the moment.

 

 

Today she messaged me saying she needs to get more clothes and stuff, asked if we can leave for an hour or so after she gets off... I haven't responded yet. I don't know if I should leave the house, stay here..."

 

 

It should have taken you 5 seconds to reply back, "let me know what time and I will leave until you text me back that you are done". The fact that you didn't really speaks volumes.

 

Defensiveness, no. I don't think you do, or can, understand our relationship and you're reading into a lot of things.

 

What I hear is: Arguing....You told me you know better and that I must be wrong.

 

Thanks anyway, really. I imagine you are trying to be helpful

 

What I hear is: You dismissed my opinion. MY opinion you asked for and inserted yours instead.

 

Arguing, avoidance, dismissal or attack mode are not one of your options if you want the other person to feel validated.

 

When someone looks you right in the eyes and says "Your being an...(insert word here)...you only get one way out. That's look at them back and say "oh...okay, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that." Then you check your self and change your wording or your attitude or your approach because the intent is always with the listener, not the speaker.

 

See what I'm trying to say? I'm not at all intending to be mean or hurtful or spiteful and I'm sorry if it's coming across that way. I'm just trying to explain, maybe poorly, how your wife MAY feel based on what you posted above. I'm trying to get across to you that your actions and behavior and attitude may not line up with what you think they do. This is very common and very hard to conceptualize as communications barriers among us all. I struggle with it my self sometimes.

 

A wise person once told me "There are three of you...the person you think you are, the person you really are and the person that everyone else thinks you are. Separating these three is the hard work you have ahead.

 

I encourage you to think about that for a little while and then ask your self. I'm I being the person I really think I am, am I being the person everyone else thinks I am? Are those two things in line? What can I do to get my point across without degrading others feelings?

 

Hint: The answer is always the second one.

Edited by Mr.Me
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By my estimation, your wife has been gone for four days. Guys have a tendency to believe that years of marital problems can be fixed with one letter, or a couple days of being different. If your marriage can be saved, you’re in this for the long haul. Your wife will be looking to see how you act over the course of the next year—not a weekend.

 

If you’re frustrated that she can’t see all the good you’ve done over a single weekend, your mind isn’t in the right place.

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In bold are different ways of saying the same thing with the first word being the behavior trait I'm feeling as I read it. See the differences?

 

And you think I haven't had these same thoughts. Argumentative: (I thought about those too) Did you even read my post?Dismissal: (Maybe I didn't express my self the way I wanted too) I'm looking for solutions, not reasons to be down on myself. I've got enough of those. Avoidance: Perhaps I have some real work to do understanding everything.

 

I came here honestly, and I'm being honest with myself too. Name-calling really isn't the best way to make your advice take root.Dismissal: I'm really trying to be honest with myself and have more empathy for my wife and you telling me I'm not already is hurting my feelings

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Hi Stoic, I have only one piece of advice to give you. If you want to attract your wife back to your nest then turn over a completely new leaf and live well, enjoy life and make your self attractive to women in general! If you change yourself sufficiently from what you were before and develop a magnetic personality, you will have women eating out of your hand and I'd eat my hat if your wife didn't come waltzing back to you in the blink of an eye before some other woman hooked you. You are, after all, still married to her and she would claim what is rightfully hers. Unless of course by then you have changed your mind about her because of the heady feeling you get with so many women fawning over you. Can you do it? Only time will tell.

 

I would like to recommed a book which will help you if you are persistant in following it's principles. It is titled 'Psych-Cybernetics' by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. You should get it in your local bookstore or on Amazon. Yry it. It may be your lifeline to salvation. Warm wishes.

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Ok, please tell me I'm not the only one to pick up on this little nugget?

 

I think I acted this way because my wife was so upset with the change of him coming to live with us. She cried and told me the first weekend how it felt like we weren't even together when he was here.

 

 

Dude, I say let her go base on that part alone, it sounds like your son is an issue for her and every thing else is her not wanting to be a horrible person by saying I don't want your son here.

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I don't understand something here. My frame of reference is totally different, so that could be expected. You have a son that you got at 8 and now he's 12? Those are very, very important years.

 

My marriage was similar, 10 years, 6.5 married. I was on the cusp of losing my daughter when she was one and a half. You get your son handed to you at a pivotal age. How the heck did that happen? That seems like a pivotal part of this story. How did you get your son? That doesn't just happen on it's own.

 

I understand it's a son of a different age from a different relationship. But, as soon as I got time with my daughter, that's what made my life meaningful. Your own son needs to transition from child to adult. So many times fathers are not even allowed more than 4 days a month. You have him. Handed on a platter? I had to fight. Now some chick wants to shame you? Maybe I'm just getting old, but I can say I've gotten more fulfillment from raising my daughter than giving a 2nd thought to my ex.

 

Dude, what comes first? Bond with your son. It's worth it.

Edited by testmeasure
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I don't understand something here. My frame of reference is totally different, so that could be expected. You have a son that you got at 8 and now he's 12? Those are very, very important years.

 

Dude, what comes first? Bond with your son. It's worth it.

 

 

 

It is interesting that OP mentioned his wife couldn't handle his parenting style. When my ex fiancée moved in she had kids and I didn't care much for her style. A lot of yelling and flying off the handle on her part, bad behavior completely ignored and allowed one minute, the next minute yelling at a kid who wasn't really doing anything wrong. Everyone sitting quietly and then chaos in an instant over something trivial to the point I was siding with the kids more than her based on how she handled everything.

 

 

I felt a bit like his wife said she felt, like if I had a kid with her I couldn't allow my kid to grow up in an environment like that. For me that was one of the deal breakers, if she had changed and acknowledged that issue, I would have had a hard time accepting/believing it would ever be a permanent change. Like it was at her core and her core wasn't going to change.

 

 

That might be impossible for the wife to overcome after being exposed to it.

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Ok, please tell me I'm not the only one to pick up on this little nugget?

 

Dude, I say let her go base on that part alone, it sounds like your son is an issue for her and every thing else is her not wanting to be a horrible person by saying I don't want your son here.

 

First off, unless you are a terrible parent, and shame on you if you are, the way that you raise your child is your business, PERIOD.

 

Now if she really had a problem with your parenting skills or lack there of, then she as your wife has every right to discreetly set you down and have a rational discussion about parenting and what she thinks should happen. It should be respectful, loving and open on both of your parts.

 

If she did not do that and just decided that she did not want your child there, then you tell her to hit the road, like yesterday. Again, period. No more need for discussion on that topic.

 

Your child ALWAYS COMES FIRST and any husband or wife that does not understand that gets dumped.

 

Now, if you have been and internet nut for the last 3 or whatever years, walking around angry and ignoring your wife's opinion or even her lack of opinion then yes that is on you.

 

Further, knock it off. Even further you need to be better for you and your son, not to impress her or to win her back. That is not a valid reason to change yourself. You make yourself better to be better because you want to be a better person. If she sees it and comes back then that is fine, if she does not then you can still be a better person for the next woman in your life.

 

Next, from what I can gather from your thread, you have not learned that much so far. Examples, 1) you would not allow her to just come and get her stuff, you had to insist that she opened her present with you and your son. That is both weak and controlling at the same time. and 2) you seem to not want to take some of the advice here because you don't agree with it. You want to argue with people that have been through this type of stuff, even though one of the reasons that you are here is that you want to argue with everyone in your life and prove that you are right.

 

Does that register at all for you?????

 

You, and no offense, come across as an angry internet troll type of person that no one would want to be around much less your wife.

 

At the same time that you are weak, and clingy with your wife... you are overbearing and overly opinionated, which is about the worst combination any man can possibly be.

 

Then there is the inevitable, "How do know that she is not having an affair and is the process of leaving you for another guy?"

 

Not that anything you have said so far leads to that conclusion, but it is highly unlikely that a woman would separate like she has and not have a replacement lined up. It happens, yes, but it is not the most common situation.

 

So for advice, CHILL OUT. About several things. 1) Politics, left or right, you cannot change some people's minds no matter what you say. 2) Being angry, just knock it off. If you have a high IQ and yet you are not smart enough to know that you cannot impose your will on other people, you always have to lead by example. 3) Anger is one of the most unattractive things that a man can show a woman. It scares them, even if they do not admit it, and it is a total turn off to women in every way.

 

If you want to be a better, stronger person, do it for you and most importantly your son. It does not happen overnight, because it took a long time for you to get there and it will take long time to get out...

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OP, why were you out of work for three years? And how did it impact your marriage? Did it add to an anger problem or damage your self esteem?

 

I have a reason for asking. Thanks.

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I felt a bit like his wife said she felt, like if I had a kid with her I couldn't allow my kid to grow up in an environment like that. For me that was one of the deal breakers, if she had changed and acknowledged that issue, I would have had a hard time accepting/believing it would ever be a permanent change. Like it was at her core and her core wasn't going to change.

 

 

That might be impossible for the wife to overcome after being exposed to it.

^^^This

Plus the fact she probably never envisaged being a full time step mom.

She probably thought it was going to be the two of them raising their own family, not for her to be left parenting a 8yo son, his father couldn't be bothered with.

No wonder she cried when the son showed up, her life had changed forever, she had been backed into a corner and was railroaded into being a step Mom

Some women will happily bring up other people's kids like their own, but others just do not want to do that, especially if they are left with the hard work and the biological parent abdicates responsibility.

Here he had the opportunity to step up and show what a loving father he was, but that did not happen and now she does not want to expose any kids she does ever have to a father like that.

 

Yes, some with a big incentive or who experience a great epiphany, can change for the better, but I guess the trust is gone here, and now suddenly being the "model parent and husband" may fool no-one, as I guess both the wife and the son will be waiting for the time when "normal service is resumed".

A lot of water flowed under this bridge, people do not tend to forget misdemeanours, hurts, nasty words and bitter arguments in a hurry.

They replay them over and over in their mind, and often no amount of sudden "niceness", can erase them.

 

 

OP

I guess at least 4 years of resentment has built up, and that cannot just be resolved with a few clean and empty cupboards, a lot of work ahead for you to regain her trust. I guess your son will also need a lot of persuading that the "new you" is here for good.

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I disagree Elaine, unless she had no idea he had a son, she should have had a reasonable expectation of his son being there.

 

I also don't believe that the issue is really his parenting style, her reaction was to quick and she really hadn't had enough time to see his style before the issues arose.

 

Besides any of that, it still boils down to the fact that she simply doesn't want his son there because she feels it takes attention away from her. No possible way I would want to spend any time with a woman that said that let alone marry her. At that point anything she said, in my opinion, is bull.

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