LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

Perceptions on Seperation


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Like Tree11Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th November 2017, 4:39 PM   #16
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,961
What is it about "today's world" verses the past that makes a one night stand not an option?

I joke about how I thought my now husband was going to be a one night stand. I wasn't looking for a relationship, he was moving 500 miles away in a few weeks....

But what can I say, the sex was great, we hit it off, and the rest is history.
basil67 likes this.
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th November 2017, 4:51 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 2,741
This is one area that what I've seen on LS is very different than what I've seen in the real world.

You are not legally married anymore, you are legally separated. You live in separate places, you pay separate taxes. For most legal purposes you are considered like two single people. It's basically the dissolving of a marriage. The divorce is a paper work process (which can take many years).
basil67 likes this.
GunslingerRoland is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th November 2017, 7:40 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46,247
Journal Entries: 39
Perception?

BTDT, our MC was spot-on that people generally separate to get divorced.

It's easy to have rules and talk about rules but really, married, separated or single it's a free for all. Anyone sufficiently disgusted or disenchanted with the M to separate will do pretty much what they want, whether that be party, date other people, have ONS, spend the marital funds, whatever. Of course they might adhere to their agreement with specificity
carhill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2017, 10:13 AM   #19
Established Member
 
standtall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,400
Separated means a pre divorce. You are not working on your marriage, and just getting your ducks in a row.... seeing if either of you can get another partner, working out finances, and emotionally disconnecting the one that is being left in a gentle way. It's the equivalent to moving that really expensive piece of furniture into the basement...you're not quite ready to throw it away, but it's on its way out.
basil67 likes this.
standtall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th November 2017, 11:05 AM   #20
Member
 
BarbedFenceRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Southwest
Posts: 118
I started out very nihilistic in my youth, watching all my buddies in the fire service just miserable from divorce and WW, rejection and all. I was no wife, no kids, no problems. Then, After a long time and a change of lifestyle, I found my wife. I am a one man, one woman way of thinking now. If I ever had to separate from cheating or her walking out, that would be it. No more. Marriage to me is like a tree. If the branch breaks off, there's no putting it back. It just rots and withers away. I would legally divorce for obvious reasons (living arrangements, car and other possessions, children well-being). But No doubt my wife would have suitors come calling...It would be sad to witness, but at least I held to my beliefs and could walk away with head held high.
S2B likes this.
BarbedFenceRider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2017, 8:51 AM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 810
I am like this. If I marry and we separate. Its straight to divorce to finality. That means that if I meet a new woman. She really wants me. Within a year of the separation I will be divorced. I will not date being only separated over a yr. I will not be on yr 3 o 6 in a separated legal state.

I don't plan to get divorced. So I will have to choose well. This is one area of my life I am not playing.
Mysterio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 12:37 AM   #22
Established Member
 
SolG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 912
Quote:
Originally Posted by GunslingerRoland View Post
You live in separate places, you pay separate taxes. For most legal purposes you are considered like two single people. It's basically the dissolving of a marriage. The divorce is a paper work process (which can take many years).
^^^ This is the way I see it. My xH and I have been separated for about 10 years now. We live in one of those places where you must be separated for six months before you can legally divide assets, and then another six before you can divorce.

At the six month mark we came to an amicable agreement and drew up our consent orders for division of assets and severing of all financial ties and had them legally ratified. Then at 12 months separated we went back to the solicitor to discuss divorce. When we asked him what divorce actually legally achieves beyond what we had already done... he said nothing other than allows you to remarry! We chose not to proceed with a divorce and keep the funds in our own back pockets earning interest until divorce was a necessity.

We see ourselves as single. Everyone in our lives sees us as single. In the eyes of the law we are single excpect for the fact that we can't remarry. And we act accordingly. Being separated vice divorced has no impact on our lives whatsoever!

Our pact is that if either of us ever wants to remarry we'll go ahead and file jointly then.
SolG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 3:35 AM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 7,372
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
If I was Married and my wife said she wanted to separate. We are either going to live apart and re-court each other. Or we go straight to divorce. No dating anyone while we are seperated. No exceptions.
I notice you write this as if you have some say in what your estranged wife will do when separated from you. Hate to disillusion you, but she can do whatever she chooses to do.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 11:46 AM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 810
Basil you are right. How ever. I won't be with a woman if she is separated and wants a relationship with me. I may give her one yar to get out of it. No bio kids between us or living together if she is separated and if we hit the yr mark. There has to be some major reasons that she is not legally divorced.

She will know that from the start with me by gat 4 at least.
Mysterio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th November 2017, 12:26 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46,247
Journal Entries: 39
Boundaries are healthy. The hard part is enforcing them, whether it is as a married person or as a single person encountering married people. In general, for most intents and purposes of social interaction and all else being equal, IMO a separation is akin to a breakup in the non-marital world, especially if, in both cases, the participants aren't living together. If there were rules of relationship engagement prior, I'd operate on the presumption that they are gone.
carhill is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Perceptions and witnesses SoMovinOn The Other Man / Woman 27 4th October 2011 8:13 PM
Perceptions Queen of Hearts Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 19 21st October 2009 3:35 PM
Separation perceptions Greta Separation and Divorce 10 25th August 2004 10:01 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:48 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.