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Perceptions on Separation


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 9th November 2017, 4:39 PM   #16
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What is it about "today's world" verses the past that makes a one night stand not an option?

I joke about how I thought my now husband was going to be a one night stand. I wasn't looking for a relationship, he was moving 500 miles away in a few weeks....

But what can I say, the sex was great, we hit it off, and the rest is history.
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:51 PM   #17
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This is one area that what I've seen on LS is very different than what I've seen in the real world.

You are not legally married anymore, you are legally separated. You live in separate places, you pay separate taxes. For most legal purposes you are considered like two single people. It's basically the dissolving of a marriage. The divorce is a paper work process (which can take many years).
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:40 PM   #18
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Perception?

BTDT, our MC was spot-on that people generally separate to get divorced.

It's easy to have rules and talk about rules but really, married, separated or single it's a free for all. Anyone sufficiently disgusted or disenchanted with the M to separate will do pretty much what they want, whether that be party, date other people, have ONS, spend the marital funds, whatever. Of course they might adhere to their agreement with specificity
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:13 AM   #19
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Separated means a pre divorce. You are not working on your marriage, and just getting your ducks in a row.... seeing if either of you can get another partner, working out finances, and emotionally disconnecting the one that is being left in a gentle way. It's the equivalent to moving that really expensive piece of furniture into the basement...you're not quite ready to throw it away, but it's on its way out.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:05 AM   #20
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I started out very nihilistic in my youth, watching all my buddies in the fire service just miserable from divorce and WW, rejection and all. I was no wife, no kids, no problems. Then, After a long time and a change of lifestyle, I found my wife. I am a one man, one woman way of thinking now. If I ever had to separate from cheating or her walking out, that would be it. No more. Marriage to me is like a tree. If the branch breaks off, there's no putting it back. It just rots and withers away. I would legally divorce for obvious reasons (living arrangements, car and other possessions, children well-being). But No doubt my wife would have suitors come calling...It would be sad to witness, but at least I held to my beliefs and could walk away with head held high.
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Old 15th November 2017, 8:51 AM   #21
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I am like this. If I marry and we separate. Its straight to divorce to finality. That means that if I meet a new woman. She really wants me. Within a year of the separation I will be divorced. I will not date being only separated over a yr. I will not be on yr 3 o 6 in a separated legal state.

I don't plan to get divorced. So I will have to choose well. This is one area of my life I am not playing.
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Old 18th November 2017, 12:37 AM   #22
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You live in separate places, you pay separate taxes. For most legal purposes you are considered like two single people. It's basically the dissolving of a marriage. The divorce is a paper work process (which can take many years).
^^^ This is the way I see it. My xH and I have been separated for about 10 years now. We live in one of those places where you must be separated for six months before you can legally divide assets, and then another six before you can divorce.

At the six month mark we came to an amicable agreement and drew up our consent orders for division of assets and severing of all financial ties and had them legally ratified. Then at 12 months separated we went back to the solicitor to discuss divorce. When we asked him what divorce actually legally achieves beyond what we had already done... he said nothing other than allows you to remarry! We chose not to proceed with a divorce and keep the funds in our own back pockets earning interest until divorce was a necessity.

We see ourselves as single. Everyone in our lives sees us as single. In the eyes of the law we are single excpect for the fact that we can't remarry. And we act accordingly. Being separated vice divorced has no impact on our lives whatsoever!

Our pact is that if either of us ever wants to remarry we'll go ahead and file jointly then.
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Old 18th November 2017, 3:35 AM   #23
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If I was Married and my wife said she wanted to separate. We are either going to live apart and re-court each other. Or we go straight to divorce. No dating anyone while we are seperated. No exceptions.
I notice you write this as if you have some say in what your estranged wife will do when separated from you. Hate to disillusion you, but she can do whatever she chooses to do.
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Old 18th November 2017, 11:46 AM   #24
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Basil you are right. How ever. I won't be with a woman if she is separated and wants a relationship with me. I may give her one yar to get out of it. No bio kids between us or living together if she is separated and if we hit the yr mark. There has to be some major reasons that she is not legally divorced.

She will know that from the start with me by gat 4 at least.
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Old 18th November 2017, 12:26 PM   #25
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Boundaries are healthy. The hard part is enforcing them, whether it is as a married person or as a single person encountering married people. In general, for most intents and purposes of social interaction and all else being equal, IMO a separation is akin to a breakup in the non-marital world, especially if, in both cases, the participants aren't living together. If there were rules of relationship engagement prior, I'd operate on the presumption that they are gone.
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Old 2nd December 2017, 7:28 PM   #26
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Newbie here, but not to separation. Wife left me May of this year to see if she can make it on her own and to find herself. I wont go into details, but I am not the only reason she left, and it isnt for/from an affair.. trust me, its a family issue with our oldest..
But, 12 months will be the time she can legally go to court ans show she had an apartment, and we hadnt been physically together. Its real obvious she wants this to be an honest no gotchas with the court. I am not stressing, cheating or doing anything but working keeping my relationship with my youngest as good as possible. Wife and I are very cordial, not issues. It is what it is.
But, marriage goes both ways, you either both want it to last and are willing to try or not. Too little time in life to being attached to someone that doesnt like you. Burn the bridge, move on.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 11:21 AM   #27
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Speaking from experience and research, I firmly believe that separations are the death-knell for a marriage for a variety of reasons. The marriage is in serious trouble if a couple has hit the point where they can no longer be around each other or try to communicate to repair the relationship.

When I separated from my wife, I pretty much knew that it was the end of the marriage. She had made decisions that were detrimental to our relationship (decisions that pointed towards an affair) and we absolutely couldn't communicate about anything. I had done my best over the years to remain calm and collected when it came to the issues in our relationship but I realized that I was spinning my wheels by the end and getting no where.

But, my decision to separate was pretty much a reactive one; I couldn't stand to be around her anymore and I was tired of my efforts towards fixing the relationship turning into a giant argument. I needed to get the hell away from her for my own peace of mind because I was losing it.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 1:10 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
So whats your perception on Seperation as whole. What can you do vs What you cannot do?


For me. Even though I am single. If I was Married and my wife said she wanted to separate. We are either going to live apart and re-court each other. Or we go straight to divorce. No dating anyone while we are seperated. No exceptions.

Once the paper work and court date are set going to divorce. Thats fine. Either party can Divorce.

What do you all think?
Agree. Separation for me means we live apart and re-court (no seeing other people or any of that bull) or we divorce for good.

I'm always shocked by how many people separate and sit on the fence forever. I think these are usually people who are cake-eaters.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 5:28 PM   #29
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Agree. Separation for me means we live apart and re-court (no seeing other people or any of that bull) or we divorce for good.

I'm always shocked by how many people separate and sit on the fence forever. I think these are usually people who are cake-eaters.
Unfortunately, many people marry without realizing just how expensive a divorce can be, especially when you own property together and have children.

I know a handful of people who have stayed separated for a long time because they couldn't agree on a separation of property or firm custody agreement and neither party had the money for a lawyer. The relationship was over a long time ago but finances were keeping things from being finalized.

I have a friend who is getting married next summer and he asked me for some advice (even after I told him that I am the LAST person to ask..). I suggested that he and his wife keep separate bank accounts, split bills equitably and never open joint credit cards together.

He was pretty shocked and stated "That's kind of planning for a divorce isn't it?"

I stated, "No, that's planning on keeping yourself and your fiance from financial ruin in case of a divorce."

He hasn't asked for any advice since. LOL
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:42 PM   #30
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Unfortunately, many people marry without realizing just how expensive a divorce can be, especially when you own property together and have children.

I know a handful of people who have stayed separated for a long time because they couldn't agree on a separation of property or firm custody agreement and neither party had the money for a lawyer. The relationship was over a long time ago but finances were keeping things from being finalized.

I have a friend who is getting married next summer and he asked me for some advice (even after I told him that I am the LAST person to ask..). I suggested that he and his wife keep separate bank accounts, split bills equitably and never open joint credit cards together.

He was pretty shocked and stated "That's kind of planning for a divorce isn't it?"

I stated, "No, that's planning on keeping yourself and your fiance from financial ruin in case of a divorce."

He hasn't asked for any advice since. LOL
Yeah, I wouldn't want to hear that either (and I'm divorced myself). I agree with your friend. I don't see the point in getting married if you're thinking about divorce. But then again, maybe that's the point of thinking that way in the first place - to avoid marriage. Just don't get married.
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