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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 4th November 2017, 1:40 PM   #1
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Moving on

Was just checking to see how ex's move on and at what pace.
Mine was in an EA for the last 6mo of marriage. Divorce was final on a Friday last month and announced an engagement on Sunday....pure class!
It is my perception she has done no work on betterment and has never once taken responsibility for anything going south in M. To me it is unusual that two people who I thought were so intune with each other could be so vastly different now. I in contrast have been seeing someone for over 6mo and are just now considering bringing children into the mix... albeit cautiously. Never would I consider jumping from a 15yr marriage to another so soon...the idea just seems ludicrous.

This is more my curiosity than a "hanging on" mentality.. I want to know the why's and the how's so as not to travel this road (hopefully) again...
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Old 4th November 2017, 2:39 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonofbricks View Post
Was just checking to see how ex's move on and at what pace.
Mine was in an EA for the last 6mo of marriage. Divorce was final on a Friday last month and announced an engagement on Sunday....pure class!
It is my perception she has done no work on betterment and has never once taken responsibility for anything going south in M. To me it is unusual that two people who I thought were so intune with each other could be so vastly different now. I in contrast have been seeing someone for over 6mo and are just now considering bringing children into the mix... albeit cautiously. Never would I consider jumping from a 15yr marriage to another so soon...the idea just seems ludicrous.

This is more my curiosity than a "hanging on" mentality.. I want to know the why's and the how's so as not to travel this road (hopefully) again...
I doubt it was just an ea. Probably a full blown PA. Cheaters lie a lot.

You probably only know the tip of the iceberg.

If you're smart you'll do a hard 180. Like most she'll want to be friends now. That is. It in your best interest.
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Old 4th November 2017, 3:09 PM   #3
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Some people rush to get married to their new partner super-quickly in order to try and justify to themselves what they've done. They want to feel that they left for TRUE LOVE, so they want to get married as fast as possible to show everyone how deep and real and true their passion was and how of course they had to ruin their last relationship for it. It can be a sign of insecurity.

Some people are in a hurry to get remarried because they're afraid that otherwise they'll be penalised and risk losing access to their kids. In some jurisdictions judges like to throw in provisions preventing someone from having a new partner around the kids unless they get married... so rather than protecting the kids from meeting someone too soon, this pushes people to get married right away, and makes it more likely that things will eventuallly fall apart.

Some people are scared to be alone, or feel (rightly or wrongly) like they can't look after themselves and need the financial and mental support of a partner. So if they lose one support structure, they want to immediately attach to another.

And sometimes, especially if they're older or the divorce process has taken a long time, they feel like there's simply no point in waiting around in order to preserve some kind of social niceties. If someone is having an affair for a year, then has to spend a year separated in order to get a divorce, it may make perfect sense to them to announce the engagement the second the ink is on the divorce decree. Why waste time?

In any case, it is usually the cheater/dumper who moves on fastest... but not always.
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Old 4th November 2017, 5:00 PM   #4
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Thanks somany... I'd have to say your first statement nails what's going on... to a tee! I'd be super suspicious of anybody or a relationship developing from an affair of any type. You have to look no further than the the last spouse to see how you'll be treated when you become disposable.
I'm also sold that people act/ behave in patterns.. especially if you haven't done your "work"...I know the pattern with me was to "take"... when what she was taking didn't satisfy her anymore, she moved on. Seeing that now I can clearly identify it happening again with OM.
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