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Domestic Violence Order


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Old 3rd November 2017, 11:14 PM   #1
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Domestic Violence Order

Hi in New Zealand we have an act called the DVA (title) where a person can go to the court and within an hour have an order placed against their partner prohibiting them from approaching their partner in any way. This stands for 3 months if the partner does not defend it becomes permanent. My wife did this to me then decided that she was pressured into doing this and told our daughter this and my self then she did a change around 2 weeks later saying she didn't think I had paid enough so was not going to remove the order.

My only option is to defend this order in court, by doing so I will have to bring up dirt on our relationship and personal matters about her! I feel this will quash any chance of a reconciliation between us but I need to do it to save my name.

What do you all think ????
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Old 4th November 2017, 12:17 AM   #2
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I'm not sure that reconciliation is possible when someone places a DVA against their partner. More often than not, it is a sign that there are some pretty significant issues with the relationship.

A few questions for you - why exactly did she place the order? Who "pressured" her into placing the order? And, what was your relationship like before she placed the order? Does your wife have mental health issues and is this kind of indecisive and impulsive behavior typical for her?
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Old 4th November 2017, 2:12 PM   #3
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Questions answered

I can only presume that she placed the order to prevent me from contacting her, however, she would visit me whenever it suited her until she informed me she was not going to have it removed, I then stopped any future visits as it was too risky for me should the situation turn nasty. The woman's refuse assisted her in filling out the DVA, they did not inform her on the implications of the order. To be honest I have to say our relationship was not at it's best before she left. Yes, my wife suffers from bipolar, and no this is not normal behaviour from her. I will say that she is under a lot of pressure from her work.

I can only hope that by giving her time and space things might get better.

Last edited by Bernieszy; 4th November 2017 at 2:14 PM..
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Old 4th November 2017, 5:40 PM   #4
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So, would it be correct to say that you didn't actually assault her?

I'm sorry, I know this must be very difficult for you. I hate to say it, but these kinds of unpredictable and impulsive actions can definitely be part of the ups and downs of living with someone with a mental illness. Pressure from work can certainly affect her illness. Does she take medications - has she gone off her medications? This can also obviously affect behavior and is quite common for people who are bipolar.

Be careful with how you proceed. Good luck.

Last edited by BaileyB; 4th November 2017 at 5:45 PM..
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Old 4th November 2017, 5:56 PM   #5
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You are correct I have never assaulted her! She has not been on medications for years, they never seemed to do much for her.
I've stopped any contact with her or allowing her on the property, the problem is our daughter, I feel the mother is influencing her against me.
My attitude is to just wait to see what her next move will be.
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:27 AM   #6
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Why would you want someone back who did this to you? That's like filing a false rape charge on someone.
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Old 19th November 2017, 8:02 PM   #7
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If you're in Auckland, I can recommend a really good lawyer. I tried to get a protection order for my son and I against my ex, who had assaulted my son and was convicted for it.
This lawyer was able to convince the judge that it wasn't needed.
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