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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 28th October 2017, 2:51 PM   #1
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Quick question :)

Hi all I'm new here and have a quick question if anyone can help that would be awesome!.


Stbxw filed on Oct 6th and in that time I had moved out and when I got served the papers they went to my old address. The website with the court system says they got returned unserved on the 18th. What happens now that's all it is telling me and she has yet to reserve me etc according to the website. (we are in NC so not going to ask her) No kids no nothing from each other just a divorce. So I'm unsure to why she hasn't reserved me and is there anything I can do to move it along.
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Old 29th October 2017, 6:13 AM   #2
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Hi Folks, Why doesn't someone help out the OP with some possible solutions? I'm sorry but I cannot offer much insight or help here since I am clueless about procedures in the US and other Western nations. I think the obvious thing would be to let your wife know through your lawyer that you have not been served and that she should re serve you at your new address. If there are any technicalities then I would not be able to comment on them. By the way what was the reason s for your wife wanting a divorce? Was there any infidelity on either side? Warm wishes.
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Old 29th October 2017, 8:43 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by lovesucksudry View Post
Hi all I'm new here and have a quick question if anyone can help that would be awesome!.


Stbxw filed on Oct 6th and in that time I had moved out and when I got served the papers they went to my old address. The website with the court system says they got returned unserved on the 18th. What happens now that's all it is telling me and she has yet to reserve me etc according to the website. (we are in NC so not going to ask her) No kids no nothing from each other just a divorce. So I'm unsure to why she hasn't reserved me and is there anything I can do to move it along.
She's probably unaware that the papers were not served. I would think you could go to the court house and just pick them up. Give them a call and ask.
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Old 29th October 2017, 9:04 AM   #4
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You can go to the courthouse, request a copy of the papers, waiver personal service & get your lawyer to file an answer.
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Old 29th October 2017, 10:55 AM   #5
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Hello and thanks for the replies. The reason for the divorce was we argued to much and in our last heated argument she went and filed the next day and a few days later I left and we have had no contact. She knows they aren't served she served them to our house and knows when I left they would go unserved.
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Old 29th October 2017, 11:49 AM   #6
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Guess what I'm asking is could she be stalling? Should I contact her to find out whats up or leave that in her hands since she is the one who filed?
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:12 PM   #7
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Guess what I'm asking is could she be stalling? Should I contact her to find out whats up or leave that in her hands since she is the one who filed?
I think this is probably wishful thinking on your part, to be honest.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:32 PM   #8
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Could be but it's been almost 2 weeks and she still hasn't reserved me. For someone who wanted out of the marriage so fast she sure is taking her sweet time reserving me the papers.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:37 PM   #9
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Go pick them up. It sounds like you're dragging your feet as well
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:07 PM   #10
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I am, honestly I don't want the divorce. Or would at least like to try some options like MC. But she got angry and went with it. I'm not begging and I'm in no contact. But with that said and me still having some hope I will not go and get the papers. I like to try and resolve issues and try everything I can before I'm ready to just discard her. And well the way it just ended out of anger I feel like nothing was done to try and repair it.
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:13 PM   #11
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How long were you married? How old are you? What is her reason for the divorce?
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:20 PM   #12
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It takes two to work on a marriage. If she's not on board you're wasting your time.

If you want to try and work it out you'll have yo talk at some point.

IMO you might approach it from a standpoint of if its D you want I won't hold it up. Maybe we should meet for coffee, etc.

I wouldn't get my hopes up. If she's already filed there maybe no turning this back
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:33 PM   #13
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We are a lesbian couple we have been married a year she is 31 and I am 37 first time being married for both. We argue way to nuch. She is codependent and also doesn't comminicate very well so she will hold it in and then blow after a while. We were on a break from a previous fight a week before so I went to the other room to give us some space. Things were ok only thing the sex stopped that week and she became a little distant but still wanted our marriage to work. Well we got into another argument and she said she was done and filed on Oct 6th I left a few days later. Was suppose to be served at our home but have since moved out before I got served. She waa also saying the weirdest things like we can still be together if we get divorced or we could always remarry. Honestly she was saying a lot of things the day she filed that pertained to staying together or in the future getting remarried. I just left I really didn't understand where she was coming from. You want a divorce because you can't habdle the marriage from all the fighting but then you want me to stay and and work the relationship out?
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:41 PM   #14
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She was saying a few months back she wanted to take a break for 2 months cause she says all we do is fight. She said it would give us time to work ourselves out etc. I don't know if I believe in breaks do they even work? Thougt if you wanted something to work you have to work at it. I dont know i could be wrong and we should of taken a break. I did tell her i loved her three days ago to see if she would wven reply and i got nothing back from her. So i am moving on but was just curious as to why she is not reserving me again. Im so confused lol.
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:09 PM   #15
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Could be but it's been almost 2 weeks and she still hasn't reserved me. For someone who wanted out of the marriage so fast she sure is taking her sweet time reserving me the papers.
Understand that service of process is nothing more then a fancy formal set of steps to give somebody notice that a legal action has been started against them. When the people are strangers, say in a car accident, the plaintiff informs the defendant other driver that the law suit has begun by serving (delivering) a copy of the summons & complaint to the defendant. It is done formally through personal service so the defendant can't deny receipt; the process server -- the person who comes to your door with the papers -- is available to testify on what day & time the defendant got the paperwork. It's not any more magical / secretive or official then that.

So if you want to move forward, do what I said. Go to the courthouse. Pick up the papers yourself. Acknowledge that you have waived formal service of process. Get a lawyer. Answer the complaint.

You don't get the luxury of full NC until the legal issues between you are resolved.

If you really want reconciliation, you have to talk. NC won't get you MC.
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