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Ex Fiance contacted me after months of no contact.


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Old 27th October 2017, 5:40 AM   #1
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Lightbulb Ex Fiance contacted me after months of no contact.

Please read my other threads so you know what this man has done to me.

My ex contacted me today out of the blue. We have had no communication for months. He wrote, "Hey, are you alright?". I started shaking uncontrollably as soon as I saw it. I had a panic attack and had to go for a long drive to think. I have thought about replying for answers from him. To ask him why. Why he did this, why he cheated, lied, and almost sexually assaulted me and choked me. I want to ask him all kinds of things but most importantly I want to not be afraid. I dream about that night most days and I have been in therapy because of it -- I've been making progress and I would NEVER go back to him. EVER.

But I still have questions.

Is it worth it? Will it make me feel any different? Will it help in any way?
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Old 27th October 2017, 7:56 AM   #2
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Hi Misconstrued, I haven't read your other thread/s but quite frankly, just reading this post of yours is enough to convince me that you must remain NO CONTACT with your Ex. You have to stop giving him space in your mind.These questions that you have should now be irrelevant. If you try and get answers to them you will unnecessarily be drawn back into an association with him. You do not need that. You seem to be very vulnerable considering that just an email from him had you shaking and disturbed. All the more reason to block him completely so that he can not get in touch with you whichever way he tries.


Get yourself a new circle of friends. Break out of any old routines you had while you were with him. Get rid of all mementos and knick knacks that he may have given you when you were together and try and build a completely new life which does not remind you of him in any way. If you have family close by take their help for emotional stability. If you need to see an IC then do so immediately. I wish you the very best but you must help yourself. Warm wishes.
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:14 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by just a guy View Post
hi misconstrued, i haven't read your other thread/s but quite frankly, just reading this post of yours is enough to convince me that you must remain no contact with your ex. You have to stop giving him space in your mind.these questions that you have should now be irrelevant. If you try and get answers to them you will unnecessarily be drawn back into an association with him. You do not need that. You seem to be very vulnerable considering that just an email from him had you shaking and disturbed. All the more reason to block him completely so that he can not get in touch with you whichever way he tries.


Get yourself a new circle of friends. Break out of any old routines you had while you were with him. Get rid of all mementos and knick knacks that he may have given you when you were together and try and build a completely new life which does not remind you of him in any way. If you have family close by take their help for emotional stability. If you need to see an ic then do so immediately. I wish you the very best but you must help yourself. Warm wishes.
...and block his number or any other way for him to contact you!
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Old 27th October 2017, 9:06 AM   #4
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You got a restraining order against him for a good reason. He should not be contacting you at all.

What possible reason or justification could he give to bring you any peace or comfort at the end of the day? There isn't any.

You are still in a vulnerable position. Seek support from your therapist. At least they will have your best interest at heart.
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Old 27th October 2017, 2:50 PM   #5
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I echo what JustAGuy said. It seems to me that you need new everything, and nothing that reminds you of your ex. New routines = new thought patterns. You also desperately need a support group. Do you have a church that offers counseling or support groups? Do you have family close by that would be understanding? Be strong, you can do this. You are worthwhile as a person regardless of what someone else labels you, and you will be OK. Best wishes.
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Old 28th October 2017, 5:46 AM   #6
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Thanks for the advice, everyone. And you are right.

I didn't reply to him. But honestly, I am extremely shaken up about this. I tried to contact my therapist but I won't have an appointment until Thursday. I haven't told anyone. I've mostly been in bed, I had a whole bottle of wine and cried to myself.

Is anyone else experiencing something similar?
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Old 28th October 2017, 1:53 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Misconstrued View Post
Thanks for the advice, everyone. And you are right.

I didn't reply to him. But honestly, I am extremely shaken up about this. I tried to contact my therapist but I won't have an appointment until Thursday. I haven't told anyone. I've mostly been in bed, I had a whole bottle of wine and cried to myself.

Is anyone else experiencing something similar?
I experienced something sort of similar, but in a different context.

I did get an email (ie. breadcrumbs) from someone who horrifically screwed me over almost a year ago, and, like you, my body reacted.

I wrote 3 different replies (sent none of them). One of them was very lengthy, while the other was like 5 words (expletives).

Then I also spoke about this to my psychologist, as this betrayal was big enough for me that I needed therapy.

In the end I never responded, and remained NO CONTACT.

NO CONTACT is your best cure, and talk with your therapist, write a response in your private journal, get a massage, do anything good for you but don't respond.

He is just testing the waters with you, and wants to assess how much he hurt you. I doubt he feels any guilt for treating you badly.
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Old 28th October 2017, 3:26 PM   #8
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For anyone who hasn't read misconstrued previous thread.
This is serious stuff and not the usual "crazy" ex.

Quote:
It's difficult for me to talk about this because I haven't left my parents house since it happened and I've been reclusive. My ex locked me in his apartment and began to assault me, when he grabbed my arm, I threw him off and pushed him and told him to get his filthy hands off me to which he grabbed me again, yelled at me that I wasn't going anywhere and pulled me into the hall-way and grabbed me into his bedroom to where he shoved me on the bed and got on top of me. I yelled at him to ask what he was doing and he began to put his hands around my neck and kissed me while he choked me.

I am so thankful for the neighbors, because one of them heard everything as the walls are paper thin and he knocked on the door. My ex stopped what he was doing and ran to peek through the keyhole. I got up and yelled at the top of my lungs asking for help and fortunately, the neighbor heard me and told C to open up the door before he kicked it in and he did open the door, as soon as I saw it opening I ran out, ran past the neighbor, got in my car and drove home as fast as I could.
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Old 28th October 2017, 4:08 PM   #9
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For anyone who hasn't read misconstrued previous thread.
This is serious stuff and not the usual "crazy" ex.

Omg this dude is legit psycho!!
For your safety change ur number, yes change it.
Blocking/deleting is too temporary in my opinion. He isn’t an ex who sent a million texts or sends bread crumbs for an ego stroke...

His dude physically assaulted you. Hurt you in a way no one who loves you would ever even dream of hurting you. Nothing can change that. No words can ever undo those actions.
Please do not let this man into your life.
He is an abuser.
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:28 AM   #10
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Why on earth are you even considering contacting this psycho???

You need to call the police and tell them he has violated the restraining order. It is just one text message but it could escalate quickly. He needs a visit from the police for a "little chat" about what will happen if he violates the order again.
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