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Love him, but I want babies...


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 27th September 2017, 6:49 PM   #1
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Love him, but I want babies...

My husband and I have been married five years. We are both thirty four, and he had a really bad childhood. When we got married he kind of decided for both of us we weren't having children. Initially, I was fine with it, but as time goes on, I'm not. Whenever someone asks us about kids, he says we aren't having any, but in my heart I want them. In my dreams I have three little boys.

I started to bring this up to him, and he freaked out saying we aren't having children. He was screaming at me. I haven't brought it up again but it's becoming more pressing that I need babies...

I know we're going to have to get divorced, but I'm scared about how he'll react, and I love him. He's my best friend. I don't want a divorce...What should I do?
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Old 27th September 2017, 6:58 PM   #2
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Well... You certainly can't force him into parenthood.

It's terribly sad, but if you must have children, it sounds like you are no longer compatible.

I am like your husband, I have always known, and have always been clear that I did not want children. It's a hard thing to be honest about but I have been.

Many years ago when my husband went through a crisis and thought he may want children - it was heart breaking for me. I love him, he loved me, but I knew it was NOT Something I could do.

Lucky for us, he changed his mind again, and 10 years later often brags about how lovely it is to be child free.

But I know for others the same reality is heart break.
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Old 27th September 2017, 7:26 PM   #3
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Well... You certainly can't force him into parenthood.
I know. My best friend suggested getting pregnant and not telling him, but I know I can't do that. It's low, and It'll make him angry. Not want a baby.
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Old 27th September 2017, 7:55 PM   #4
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At 34 time is not on your side. You have about six to ten years to start working on those babies you want. However, it certainly won't be with your husband. There is no other choice but to get a divorce and quickly.
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Old 27th September 2017, 8:09 PM   #5
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I know. My best friend suggested getting pregnant and not telling him, but I know I can't do that. It's low, and It'll make him angry. Not want a baby.
Holy $$$ht! That's straight evil.

That's not just low that is morally corrupt. Remember having a baby isn't really about YOU, it's about the life you are bringing into the world. Do not on purpose bring forth a life that is not wanted by it's father.

For me.... If the roles were reversed, if I wasn't a woman and there could be forced into Parenthood without my consent and against my explicitly clear, and agreed upon desire....

I can't begin to describe the rage I would feel for my spouse if they acted so selfishly.

Parenthood isnt for everyone, it's the hardest job in the world, and if it's not a job you want.. I just can't even begin to explain how wrong that is to force upon someone.

I wish I could contact your husband and advise him to get a vasectomy asap to protect himself.

Please do not consider that for a moment.

TELL HIM YOU WANT A BABY. Let him decide what to do about your change of heart.
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Old 27th September 2017, 8:11 PM   #6
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I know. My best friend suggested getting pregnant and not telling him, but I know I can't do that. It's low, and It'll make him angry. Not want a baby.
Please don't do this. Then you will have a kid with a man who doesn't want to be a dad. That will lead to a bunch of problems.
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Old 27th September 2017, 8:21 PM   #7
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Holy $$$ht! That's straight evil.

That's not just low that is morally corrupt. Remember having a baby isn't really about YOU, it's about the life you are bringing into the world. Do not on purpose bring forth a life that is not wanted by it's father.

For me.... If the roles were reversed, if I wasn't a woman and there could be forced into Parenthood without my consent and against my explicitly clear, and agreed upon desire....

I can't begin to describe the rage I would feel for my spouse if they acted so selfishly.

Parenthood isnt for everyone, it's the hardest job in the world, and if it's not a job you want.. I just can't even begin to explain how wrong that is to force upon someone.

I wish I could contact your husband and advise him to get a vasectomy asap to protect himself.

Please do not consider that for a moment.

TELL HIM YOU WANT A BABY. Let him decide what to do about your change of heart.
I'm sorry I think I wasn't clear. This was something that was suggested to me and I immediately shot it down. I have no intention of getting pregnant with his child without him wanting one...

I do know I have to ask for a divorce, and I don't know how because I love him.
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:06 PM   #8
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When you have the divorce discussion with him, make him part of the discussion.

Talk about how you thought you'd be OK with not having kids, but as time has passed, you realise that you're not OK. Tell him that you don't want to end the marriage but can't see any other option. If he knows that you're prepare to walk away, he may change his mind....it's not likely, but at least leave space in the conversation for him to offer solutions.

If he gets really angry with you, then walking away may be your only option.
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:33 PM   #9
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My husband and I have been married five years. We are both thirty four, and he had a really bad childhood. When we got married he kind of decided for both of us we weren't having children.


What the heck does this mean, Miss blue? He did not kind of decide, he was crystal clear. You agreed.


Initially, I was fine with it, but as time goes on, I'm not. Whenever someone asks us about kids, he says we aren't having any, but in my heart I want them. In my dreams I have three little boys.


It seems that you have always wanted kids. You married a man who told you point blank that he did not want kids and you thought you could change his mind.



I started to bring this up to him, and he freaked out saying we aren't having children. He was screaming at me. I haven't brought it up again but it's becoming more pressing that I need babies...

I know we're going to have to get divorced, but I'm scared about how he'll react, and I love him. He's my best friend. I don't want a divorce...What should I do?

He's your best friend, yet something this important is a screaming match? Don't divorce him is my advice.
You knew when you married him that he did not want a child.
I'm glad that you've decided not to trick him.
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:42 PM   #10
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When you have the divorce discussion with him, make him part of the discussion.

Talk about how you thought you'd be OK with not having kids, but as time has passed, you realise that you're not OK. Tell him that you don't want to end the marriage but can't see any other option. If he knows that you're prepare to walk away, he may change his mind....it's not likely, but at least leave space in the conversation for him to offer solutions.

If he gets really angry with you, then walking away may be your only option.
Thank you. I'm so worried that he might say that things are okay and we can have a baby when he really doesn't want one... I would hate to put him in that situation. I'm so upset that I'm going to lose him I can't stop crying.
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:44 PM   #11
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He's your best friend, yet something this important is a screaming match? Don't divorce him is my advice.
You knew when you married him that he did not want a child.
I'm glad that you've decided not to trick him.
Yes, he's my best friend, and my lover, and most likely my soulmate... we don't fight except for this. But if I don't divorce him that might mean I can't have my babies, am I supposed to just forget that?
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:55 PM   #12
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Yes, he's my best friend, and my lover, and most likely my soulmate... we don't fight except for this. But if I don't divorce him that might mean I can't have my babies, am I supposed to just forget that?
That is entirely up to you. You are here asking, that means it's on the table.

You know how you chose not to speak up for yourself when you married him?

If having a child is important to you...time to be honest, time to speak up.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:55 AM   #13
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Freeze your eggs if you can. As a previous poster said time is not in ur side.

I think if this is that important you need to bring it up in the divorce conversation. He canít give you what you need and you are going to be miserable. You need to determine what is most important

These are the worst breakups in my opinion. Where u get along well as people (no fighting, no cheating) but there is just one thing that is missing. It truly sucks
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Old 28th September 2017, 12:15 PM   #14
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He's going to rightly feel betrayed. But the thing you can't do, for, the kid's sake, is give them a father who has no modeling for it and doesn't want them. So if kids has lately become your top priority, you will have to hurt him and divorce and see if you can find a good father to have kids with, not that easy.
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Old 28th September 2017, 12:25 PM   #15
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He lets fear and past experiences destroy his future a baby is something that happens when two people Make love - we human beings Are not meant to decide on that plan on that- thats naturally fearcreating because its out of our hands i think- He must learn to let go and surrender to life- afterall He does Make love to you right? So He must want it- just not Be aware of it-( or he is not truly in love?
People who make such decisions out of fear is a very sad thing- it's like me being afraid of walking because I can fall- or something* like letting fear destroy control whatever- but you must know that because you used to not want to-?)
they must regret it terribly when older if they found true love at least-
I don't understand people planning babies with someone they are not in love with..-( but to each their own- hope you find someone who truly loves you and wants to secure you live on forever as you him or that he wakes up and frees himself from fear or egoism or what it is
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