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Is there hope for us?


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:09 PM   #1
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Is there hope for us?

I have another thread detailing the story of my separation. I'm not sure how to link it here. We were together for 15 years, married for 3; and we are both 30. It has been two months since my husband told me that he no longer loved me and wanted a separation. We rent from his parents, so I moved out. He has not filed for divorce. We only just opened separate bank accounts (2 days ago). Admittedly for a long while after our separation I called, texted, etc. I would go days without reaching out and then have one bad day here and there. For better or worse, I am wondering about my chances of getting back together. Here are some behaviors:

- He has not filed for divorce, or even completely removed me and traces of me from social media.

- He has dragged his feet on telling people around him about what is going on- half his family doesn't know. However, he is in politics so this could be him being image conscious.

- There was a bill I had started paying from a school loan I took. I naturally assumed I would take responsibility of it now on my own. When I texted him to find out where to send the check (he had been the one to send it all the times before) he said he was taking care of it no matter how I insisted.

- He accidentally left his facebook logged on on my ipad. I discovered this yesterday and again, for better or worse, I checked his activity log and saw he has been searching my page every day sometimes multiple times a day. He knows I won't be vindictive or post anything negative on facebook, so I don't think that's it.

- We are still on the same phone plan even though I asked him in moments of anger to get his own plan.

- I serve on several town boards...only because he wanted me to. I have asked him to remove me from the boards...and yet he has not.

- We met once weeks ago for a drink so that i could ask my quesitons. I assumed he would want to leave very quickly, but he initiate da second round of drinks.

- When I recently saw him to get the remainder of my things, there was something off about him. It was the same look and feeling he had on the weekend when he told me he didn't love me. Any time I have seen him prior to that he seemed fine and calm. This was different.

- Shortly after the separation he told me that even if he changed his mind he would not tell me because it would be unfair to me.

I have only recently sticking to no contact. Admittedly, in hopes that he will finally miss me. Anyone have a similar story or see something/anything in my story?

Thank you in advance!

Last edited by Lolita2461; 22nd September 2017 at 7:14 PM..
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:40 PM   #2
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He's giving you total control.

You want to get back with him but- you are not going to be able to forget that day he said he did not love you. It will dwell in your mind that one day he might wake up and you'll be reliving this very nightmare.

Maybe he lacks motivation. Maybe he doesn't have anything lined up so he's pending until something happens to him that pushes him one way or the other.
That thing is probably going to be you. You're going to either get fed up of being left on the edge or you're going to pry to try again. Which is it?
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:43 PM   #3
S2B
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Stop waiting for him. You file for divorce.

No one should wait around for another to really love them!

And take half the money in the bank account. After that send a group text message to all his family explaining that he's been cheating with his secretary and hasn't been honest or trustworthy.

Let them know you are divorcing him based on his behavior and for being untrustworthy.

Then let the chips fall.

You didn't cause this - he needs consequences and to be exposed.

Do it as soon as possible!
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