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After 18 years husband didn't come home


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 31st May 2017, 8:39 AM   #16
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Did the attorney help?

Do you have any relatives, parents, siblings, his parents?

Grandparents are not going to let the grandkids suffer. I am sorry you are having this horrible experience, but there is help around.

Hope you do have some relative to help you and your kids.
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Old 31st May 2017, 7:14 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by aileD View Post
You need to file for an emergency order of support. Not sure if you need a lawyer for that or if you can do it yourself at courthouse.

Sounds mid life crisisy.

What a jerk. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your kids.

Be prepared, your kids may never forgive him


They say they won't forgive him. I do tell them they will one day he is still their dad but they are adamant. At first they begged him to come home and he told them no.
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Old 31st May 2017, 7:17 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by harrybrown View Post
Did the attorney help?

Do you have any relatives, parents, siblings, his parents?

Grandparents are not going to let the grandkids suffer. I am sorry you are having this horrible experience, but there is help around.

Hope you do have some relative to help you and your kids.
Sorry I meant late yesterday afternoon I called an attorney. My appt is tomorrow.

My parents have passed away years ago. My sister wants us to move in with her. My kids say they don't want to. In the fall the youngest will be a junior and the middle kid will be a senior. They are very involved in sports and school and do not want to change schools so close to graduating.
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Old 31st May 2017, 7:22 PM   #19
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You call a family attorney and ask how to handle you needing a lawyer but him having all the money. The main issue will be if HE has enough money for a lawyer because in the settlement, if he has all the money, he will pay for both attorneys or part might come out of your settlement say if there's a home sale or whatever. But there will be a way, so call an attorney.

He's being really weird acting the way he is. I'm sorry the kids are knowing too much about what is going on because this is adult business and if a judge finds out either of you is confiding in the kids about this adult business, he will fault you for that, so be careful about that type thing.
Just wanted to say they aren't little kids they are teenagers. About to be 16 and 17 next week and oldest is 19. I know not to confide in them but they are smart kids and know more than they should. He has also sent them some horrible text with to much info and talking badly to him. They have all been printed out
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Old 31st May 2017, 10:11 PM   #20
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I'm so glad you called an attorney. I do think maybe your husband has something mental going on. Maybe as his wife you can talk to the attorney about even forcing him to get evaluated and treated.
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Old 31st May 2017, 10:19 PM   #21
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Ugh. I'm sorry about the kids. Quick backstory. My kids are 16 and 14. When h had an affair they found out (thru friends!!! Ugh). H ended up leaving for awhile and cut off contact with everyone "to figure himself out". Whatever, he was with the Ow and they knew it .

Kids were mean to him. Completely. When he did ask to see them they were like "If you want To see us then you can come live here and see us"

Long story short, he's back we are 8 mos into reconciliation. Son (14) gets along with dad and things are nice but when normal teen arguments occur and H tells him he needs to respect his parents, son pulls the affair card.

My 16 year old just acts like he doesn't exist .

It's really sad. Just continue to hold your head high and don't let them see you break down. Don't say anything bad about him. Other than that he's on his own

I hope you get it figured out
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Old 31st May 2017, 10:56 PM   #22
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Ugh. I'm sorry about the kids. Quick backstory. My kids are 16 and 14. When h had an affair they found out (thru friends!!! Ugh). H ended up leaving for awhile and cut off contact with everyone "to figure himself out". Whatever, he was with the Ow and they knew it .

Kids were mean to him. Completely. When he did ask to see them they were like "If you want To see us then you can come live here and see us"

Long story short, he's back we are 8 mos into reconciliation. Son (14) gets along with dad and things are nice but when normal teen arguments occur and H tells him he needs to respect his parents, son pulls the affair card.

My 16 year old just acts like he doesn't exist .

It's really sad. Just continue to hold your head high and don't let them see you break down. Don't say anything bad about him. Other than that he's on his own

I hope you get it figured out
My about to the 16 year old says that she is more stubborn then him. She has alot of jealousy with how he treats 19 year old daughter (she isn't biologically his). The 19 year has talked to him some but hasn't seen him either. And twice in the last week he let her down big time. Tonight she broke down in tears which she is not a crier .

I miss him terribly but honestly don't think I even want him back. What he has done i don't know that i could forgive. And I know my house would be uncomfortable with the way the kids feel. It just sucks being lonely. Especially after 18 years.
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Old 31st May 2017, 10:57 PM   #23
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They say they won't forgive him. I do tell them they will one day he is still their dad but they are adamant. At first they begged him to come home and he told them no.
Don't tell them they will eventually forgive him - some kids don't/won't - and that's their perogative.

Where is he staying? Follow him when he leaves work.

An attorney or ask at the courthouse for an emergency order from the judge! One can usually be seen in front of the judge within 24 hours if you give reasons that are pertinent. Your situation is an emergency because you need the judge to order support money to be paid immediately so the family can have housing and food. Make sure it's presented as urgent!

Ask for support money to come to you directly from his employer. It can be deposited directly into your bank account on his payday - making delays less likely.

The help desk at the courthouse may be a great resource you can access immediately. Go check with them.

Be sure and file for spousal support as well as child support!
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Old 31st May 2017, 10:58 PM   #24
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I'm so glad you called an attorney. I do think maybe your husband has something mental going on. Maybe as his wife you can talk to the attorney about even forcing him to get evaluated and treated.
He won't get treated. Even though the doctor told him he needed to see a psychiatrist and stop letting his emotions control him. He is a firm believer he can handle everything himself.
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Old 31st May 2017, 11:03 PM   #25
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Don't tell them they will eventually forgive him - some kids don't/won't - and that's their perogative.

Where is he staying? Follow him when he leaves work.

An attorney or ask at the courthouse for an emergency order from the judge! One can usually be seen in front of the judge within 24 hours if you give reasons that are pertinent. Your situation is an emergency because you need the judge to order support money to be paid immediately so the family can have housing and food. Make sure it's presented as urgent!

Ask for support money to come to you directly from his employer. It can be deposited directly into your bank account on his payday - making delays less likely.

The help desk at the courthouse may be a great resource you can access immediately. Go check with them.

Be sure and file for spousal support as well as child support!
It is there prerogative. I just hate how good of a dad he was and now he is like this.

No idea where he is staying. From what I hear it's couch to couch to couch wherever he ends up. He works over an hour away. I couldn't follow him. I work.

Thank you for the advice I hope something can be done quickly. I see an attorney tomorrow. But I know it will be more than i can afford.
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Old 31st May 2017, 11:04 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by 1974mom View Post
It is there prerogative. I just hate how good of a dad he was and now he is like this.

No idea where he is staying. From what I hear it's couch to couch to couch wherever he ends up. He works over an hour away. I couldn't follow him. I work.

Thank you for the advice I hope something can be done quickly. I see an attorney tomorrow. But I know it will be more than i can afford.
You can request that he pays your attorney fees.
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Old 31st May 2017, 11:23 PM   #27
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You can request that he pays your attorney fees.
But don't I still have to pay upfront?
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Old 31st May 2017, 11:46 PM   #28
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But don't I still have to pay upfront?
I have no idea - especially since I don't know your situation or where you live. It never hurts to ask for what you need.
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