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Why did he bother marrying me?


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discarded00

It's been 3 months since my husband of 1 year ended our marriage and kicked me out of "his" house. We've been together 8 years in total.

His reason for the split was he couldn't handle or deal with my medical condition anymore, mild case of Tourette's syndrome (vocal tics which started 4 years ago). I just don't know why he would bother proposing and marrying me when he knew about this?

 

He became abusive- emotionally, verbally and physically, nothing I did was ever right, he made me feel like I was not good enough and everything was on his terms. He told me during our marriage he no longer loves me that he hates me and Ive ruined his life.... I know I'm not perfect and I always acknowledge my flaws and faults but he has taken no responsibility what so ever for anything that has happened and it's all my fault that our marriage fell apart.

I wanted nothing more than to start a life and a family with him and a year into it he treats me terribly and wipes his hands of me. He was seriously all I ever knew my first boyfriend my first real love. All my family and friends are married with kids or married and pregnant or engaged to be married and then there's me with a failed marriage at 28 years of age ,all my hopes and dreams have just been ripped from me & I'm really struggling.

 

Everyone keeps telling me I've dodged a bullet, I want the day to come where I actually believe it and stop loving him.

 

Thanks for reading

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Hugs.

 

Your world just got upended for a seemingly cruel reason. I can't explain his behavior but you need to do what it takes to self soothe. Perhaps get some therapy. Join a divorce support group.

 

Know that you are worthy of love. Hang in there.

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You have been with your husband for 8 years. You developed a medical condition 4 years ago. He was well aware of it. And he married you a year ago. And now he divorced you claiming it was the condition? I can't explain and understand it.

 

However, you are a young woman. 28? You are still young and you can lots of time to find a new life and husband and have kids -- if thats what you want.

 

I would say work on healing yourself and your feelings. And slowly start to move on with your life.

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Miss Peach

Unfortunately I've dealt with guys like your XH a bit. Is there anything that's happened that has shown him you're more independent, that he has lost control, or lost respect from you? I have found when these men lose control they may toss that person aside. They might also do things like that as a power move. My ex used to leave me and check into hotels all the time to control and hurt me.

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SaveYourHeart

Discarded, I was trying to send you a message but I think you're too new to receive them yet. I know a really good blog for divorcees in their 20s, whenever you're able to receive messages, let me know and I'll share it with you.

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I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't think any of us can know his reasoning, but if he turned abusive then you are better off out of it. Were there signs beforehand that he had this abusive streak? It is easy to pass things off as tiredness, stress or impatience, but they can be warning signs that a person has another side to them.

 

I can imagine you feel you have invested so much and it it has all been wasted. I understand that you must feel 'behind' your peers at the moment in terms of relationship and goals. Not everyone has the perfect route - dating, engagement, marriage, house, kids. You are not alone in this even though you might feel it at the moment. I am sure it hurts.

 

For some reason this guy was not up to the natural intensity of a marriage. Some people aren't. When you have recovered from this - and you will in time - you will be free to find someone who can commit to you and continue to love you as well. This guy was not capable of that.

 

Look after yourself now, do things that make you feel good. Try not to look back at all this (easily said, I know). Some things are not explicable and you can drive yourself crazy trying to explain them. The guy abused you and then abandoned you. He is not worthy of you.

Edited by spiderowl
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