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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 22nd November 2017, 7:20 PM   #271
S2B
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostandLonging View Post
Yes, how dare women grow and change with time and age. Good luck to your nephew.
What a passive aggressive post.

Why can't you just be happy for someone who is being honest with himself - and the one they are with?

Is it that foreign to you that you have to get snide about honesty?
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Old 22nd November 2017, 9:57 PM   #272
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I take exception when such honesty includes terms like “Marriage is an outmoded construct designed to enslave men”. Perhaps I have been on the Internet too long but it just comes across as bitter “poor men” MRA nonsense to me.

My partner often seems discouraging of my growth, telling me I’ve “changed” despite the fact that I love the person I’ve become. I see too many women experience similar things. They expect us to remain the subservient, worshipping little things we were when we met them. That’s how this comment came across to me.

Or maybe I’m just having a terrible day. *shrug*


Yes, I know: I'm not one to talk.
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Old 22nd November 2017, 10:31 PM   #273
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Originally Posted by LostandLonging View Post
I take exception when such honesty includes terms like “Marriage is an outmoded construct designed to enslave men”. Perhaps I have been on the Internet too long but it just comes across as bitter “poor men” MRA nonsense to me.

My partner often seems discouraging of my growth, telling me I’ve “changed” despite the fact that I love the person I’ve become. I see too many women experience similar things. They expect us to remain the subservient, worshipping little things we were when we met them. That’s how this comment came across to me.

Or maybe I’m just having a terrible day. *shrug*


Yes, I know: I'm not one to talk.
If you feel you're being stifled then break free.

Start doing something to change this FOR yourself.

Life is too short.

Hugs for the bad day.
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Old 22nd November 2017, 10:58 PM   #274
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostandLonging View Post
I take exception when such honesty includes terms like “Marriage is an outmoded construct designed to enslave men”. Perhaps I have been on the Internet too long but it just comes across as bitter “poor men” MRA nonsense to me.

My partner often seems discouraging of my growth, telling me I’ve “changed” despite the fact that I love the person I’ve become. I see too many women experience similar things. They expect us to remain the subservient, worshipping little things we were when we met them. That’s how this comment came across to me.

Or maybe I’m just having a terrible day. *shrug*


Yes, I know: I'm not one to talk.
Listen, you married a man who you yourself said "I have never been attracted to him"

You stay because the reasons you married are still there. In my opinion, you're using your husband and always have, solely based on your comments here.

I think your reaction to the idea that some women in fact do this solidified my opinion of this.

Safe, easy, comfortable I hear alot in your posts, don't hear love, desire give in any.
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Old 22nd November 2017, 11:36 PM   #275
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honesty is the only way

as much as it hurts honesty is the absolute only way. Put yourself in his position. would you want to be in a relationship that wasn't 100% on both sides? if the answer is no then ripping the band-aid off is the only way to go. we gotta go through pain thats life and there is no way around it. the best way is to make it as quick as possible.
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Old 21st December 2017, 7:54 PM   #276
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Lost,

How are you doing? I am going about life and for the most part happy. We took a trip down South and this was going to be my ,"Figure it out trip" so that I could decide on staying in my "Very Little Sex" marriage or ending it. I chose this as we had already planned the trip and I knew the year was ending and I needed to make some decisions.

He never touched me once on our vacation. In fairness, many nights I was tired and went to bed before him, as I do at home as well, but he never follows me.
I enjoyed the warmth of the sun and visiting family and friends and tried not to think about the lack of intimacy we weren't having. I enjoyed his company as I always do, that's never an issue, but I also longed for a physical and romantic connection.

He (my husband) isn't one for getting physical at other people's houses (we stayed with family and friends). We had privacy but he never feels right about it. But he also never says anything about it.

I feel so torn still because my family is basically all he has left (his family has died or lives far). We talked a lot about retirement in the future and where we'd live down South. I felt calm, comfortable, but inside I was denying the fact that I will have to give up sex and that romantic connection if I stay with my husband. I know this for sure now.

I had it in my head this Summer that after this trip in Dec I would decide...leave and file for divorce in January or stay. We have talked a lot. I felt like I would be losing out on a lot by leaving him and my adult kids, yet while in the South, I felt alive, where I want to be, and we had zero physical contact which made me so lonesome WITH him. It was like going on a trip with a best friend.

So here I am, back on LS and venting because I can't leave, yet long for a connection that isn't there. I have so many other things that I may just need to give up the romantic idea..but I am only 50 . So.... how are you Lost??
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Old 22nd December 2017, 2:57 AM   #277
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Quote:
Originally Posted by S2B View Post
It's wise to be true to yourself.

Why don't you sell the house and move? Then date your partner when you see fit...or not.

See a counselor to become stronger as you go along and make progress - that way you have support and guidance.

Try not to isolate - that can be depressing.

If you take any other advice aside from someone telling you to see a pro, you can't put the blame on them for free advice (you get what you pay for). To me this place is a support system, not for guidance. Decisions to severe something as vital as a deep emotional connection with someone should only be done if that's truly your final decision. A counselor/therapist will dig deep to see what really is the root of your feelings and if that's truly the remedy. Whatever decision you make, we're here for support
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:02 AM   #278
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Originally Posted by MidlifeMama View Post
Lost,

How are you doing? I am going about life and for the most part happy. We took a trip down South and this was going to be my ,"Figure it out trip" so that I could decide on staying in my "Very Little Sex" marriage or ending it. I chose this as we had already planned the trip and I knew the year was ending and I needed to make some decisions.

He never touched me once on our vacation. In fairness, many nights I was tired and went to bed before him, as I do at home as well, but he never follows me.
I enjoyed the warmth of the sun and visiting family and friends and tried not to think about the lack of intimacy we weren't having. I enjoyed his company as I always do, that's never an issue, but I also longed for a physical and romantic connection.

He (my husband) isn't one for getting physical at other people's houses (we stayed with family and friends). We had privacy but he never feels right about it. But he also never says anything about it.

I feel so torn still because my family is basically all he has left (his family has died or lives far). We talked a lot about retirement in the future and where we'd live down South. I felt calm, comfortable, but inside I was denying the fact that I will have to give up sex and that romantic connection if I stay with my husband. I know this for sure now.

I had it in my head this Summer that after this trip in Dec I would decide...leave and file for divorce in January or stay. We have talked a lot. I felt like I would be losing out on a lot by leaving him and my adult kids, yet while in the South, I felt alive, where I want to be, and we had zero physical contact which made me so lonesome WITH him. It was like going on a trip with a best friend.

So here I am, back on LS and venting because I can't leave, yet long for a connection that isn't there. I have so many other things that I may just need to give up the romantic idea..but I am only 50 . So.... how are you Lost??

I’m so sorry to hear you’re still in a tough place, MLM. <3 I know exactly what you mean about going on a trip with a best friend. As much as I look forward to travelling part of me always dreads it because I know he is going to want to be intimate.

I am still in the same position, but working on myself. Reading a few self help books (which I NEVER thought I’d do) about doing what is best for you as you only have the one life. I want the words to just jump out at me so much that I can't NOT act, but nothing yet.

Every morning I wake up and practice what I think I should say to him, and every evening I get home and chicken out.

I’m sorry my reply is weeks late. I am trying to give outside influences a rest and concentrate a little more on my feelings. Thinking of you. xx
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Old 16th January 2018, 10:42 AM   #279
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This makes me sad...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MidlifeMama View Post
Lost,

How are you doing? I am going about life and for the most part happy. We took a trip down South and this was going to be my ,"Figure it out trip" so that I could decide on staying in my "Very Little Sex" marriage or ending it. I chose this as we had already planned the trip and I knew the year was ending and I needed to make some decisions.

He never touched me once on our vacation. In fairness, many nights I was tired and went to bed before him, as I do at home as well, but he never follows me.

I enjoyed the warmth of the sun and visiting family and friends and tried not to think about the lack of intimacy we weren't having. I enjoyed his company as I always do, that's never an issue, but I also longed for a physical and romantic connection.

He (my husband) isn't one for getting physical at other people's houses (we stayed with family and friends). We had privacy but he never feels right about it. But he also never says anything about it.

I feel so torn still because my family is basically all he has left (his family has died or lives far). We talked a lot about retirement in the future and where we'd live down South. I felt calm, comfortable, but inside I was denying the fact that I will have to give up sex and that romantic connection if I stay with my husband. I know this for sure now.

I had it in my head this Summer that after this trip in Dec I would decide...leave and file for divorce in January or stay. We have talked a lot. I felt like I would be losing out on a lot by leaving him and my adult kids, yet while in the South, I felt alive, where I want to be, and we had zero physical contact which made me so lonesome WITH him. It was like going on a trip with a best friend.

So here I am, back on LS and venting because I can't leave, yet long for a connection that isn't there. I have so many other things that I may just need to give up the romantic idea..but I am only 50 . So.... how are you Lost??
This makes me sad... in general.

For both of you, I would really like for you to think about this.

My New GF, had a series of bad marriages, that included very little sex and bad sex at that.

She is a beautiful, if inexperienced, woman. Yet she made so many bad choices with previous relationships. One of them was putting up with bad sex.

Since we have been together, all she can talk about is how romantic and wonderful our relationship and sex life is.

I am not some super stud in any way, but I have been around and sex is very important to me. I take pride and pleasure from pleasing the woman that I am with. She is no exception.

But our relationship is about way more than just sex, every aspect is wonderful. I am a touchy feely guy and she is that way as well. We are touching each other all of the time. It is wonderful.

But for you guys, I assure you that a relationship where you are totally romantically in love and where you are very sexually compatible it just one of the most wonderful things in the world.

It is probably even better than either of you realize it could be.

I urge you to not waste your life with someone that does not feel the same way, because it really is a waste...
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Old 16th January 2018, 7:26 PM   #280
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Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
This makes me sad... in general.

For both of you, I would really like for you to think about this.

My New GF, had a series of bad marriages, that included very little sex and bad sex at that.

She is a beautiful, if inexperienced, woman. Yet she made so many bad choices with previous relationships. One of them was putting up with bad sex.

Since we have been together, all she can talk about is how romantic and wonderful our relationship and sex life is.

I am not some super stud in any way, but I have been around and sex is very important to me. I take pride and pleasure from pleasing the woman that I am with. She is no exception.

But our relationship is about way more than just sex, every aspect is wonderful. I am a touchy feely guy and she is that way as well. We are touching each other all of the time. It is wonderful.

But for you guys, I assure you that a relationship where you are totally romantically in love and where you are very sexually compatible it just one of the most wonderful things in the world.

It is probably even better than either of you realize it could be.

I urge you to not waste your life with someone that does not feel the same way, because it really is a waste...
Thank You Blues for your always wise words!
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Old 16th January 2018, 7:40 PM   #281
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Hi Lost,

I replied but it isn't there. Anyway.. I hear you loud and clear! I hope your soul searching brings you clarity and peace!!
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Old 18th January 2018, 10:34 AM   #282
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Hi midlife, I have only one bit of advice apart from Blues excellent advice, and that is Take a leap of faith! Just tighten your belt and jump in head first. Then only will you free yourself. As long as you stick to your comfort zone you will keep wallowing in what ifs. Warm wishes.
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Old Yesterday, 5:16 AM   #283
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Hi Lost,

I replied but it isn't there. Anyway.. I hear you loud and clear! I hope your soul searching brings you clarity and peace!!
You too MLM! And I’d love to continue to keep in contact if that’s ok?
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Old Yesterday, 3:33 PM   #284
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Absolutely!! Not sure if we are allowed to share private emails? But do come back here and let me know how you are doing.
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