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taking a break, doubtful will work


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 3rd May 2005, 2:31 PM   #1
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taking a break, doubtful will work

i'm 5 months prego, and have 3 children. things have been very bad in our marriage for the last 9 months.

i believe that my husband is a habitual liar. he lies about everything. where he's been, who he's been with, what he's been doing, money, strip clubs - you name it. this didn't start 9 months ago, just became incredibly worse at that time.

this past weekend i found out 4 more lies in 3 days. three were about money and where it had gone. the last one, was the last straw for me. it was literally a straw! it had coke residue in it. first, he denied knowing of it's existence at all. then, he gave me the oldest line in the book. it's not mine, someone asked me to get rid of it for them. had that been the only thing i found - i might have swallowed it. but it wasn't, and he refused to give an explaination on anything else.

so, i told him i was going to be sleeping in the kids rooms until school is out, then i'm going to go and stay with my family for awhile......400 miles away. i'm very sad to have to be doing this. i want so badly for our marriage to work, but i just can't take the mental anguish that the lying causes anymore.

now it's all my fault. he won't say who the arbitrary "friend" is. he basically said he won't tell me, because i have a big mouth and would say something about it. i was blown away by this statement. we've had several friends who've struggled with different problems, and i have not once said anything to them or anyone else about it. then, he tells me that "no one wants anything to do with him". i gave him the option - told him we could talk, asked him to talk. he refuses.

what's sad is that i would never leave my marriage over this. i wouldn't leave someone i love just because they had a problem.....but he won't talk to me, won't be honest with me, and shows no interest in working things out.

i don't think taking a break will work, but i don't want to end my marriage either. i'm so confused.
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Old 3rd May 2005, 10:54 PM   #2
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Good Lord... My heart goes out to you Girl...

Honestly the sad thing is you cannot help someone who A) Doesn't want to be helped and B) Won't help themself

You've got 3 Wee Peeps and another on the way... this isn't good for them.

I hope for you, you're able to find the courage to make good on your word to your Husband and get the hell out of there with your Kids... Sounds like you've got family that can and will help you out until you can get on your feet and figure out what to do next...

Sometimes people like your Husband have to hit rock bottom BEFORE they make any real changes in thier lives... this is especially true if they've had an enabler there to make what they do okay when it isn't... My Sisters husband is this exact Guy...

Take care of yourself and your Peeps....
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Old 4th May 2005, 10:21 AM   #3
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thanks merin.

that's the hardest part - he's a wonderful father to my children and our son. always there for them. my 2 oldest have already been through one divorce, and i hate thinking that they might have to go through that again.

i really want to work it out, but i don't know how - especially when he won't even speak to me. you're right though, i can't change this for him. and right now it seems to mean more to him than our marriage does.
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Old 4th May 2005, 12:02 PM   #4
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Jade-

You've posted about your struggles here and I know that you've been trying really hard.

I hope everything works out for you!
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