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Friend's soon to be ex is claiming naked pics as his property


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startinganew777

Ok, not sure if this is the right place to post this. My friend is going through a messy divorce. Her ex is one of the most manipulative people I know. He tries to play her all the time and making this divorce as difficult as possible.

 

 

Anyways, she is kind of freaking out because while they were married, she did a photo shoot with a professional and it is a book of many photos of her posing naked. She gave it to him for Valentine's Day one year. Well when they split, she grabbed that book because she does not trust him or want him looking at those pics for obvious reasons.

 

 

He is now saying that is HIS property and she needs to give the book back to him and that he will win it back in the divorce. He told her the only way she can keep it is if she forgets about the equity owed to her from paying on the house they shared the past 10 years. Of course she isn't going to give the book back but afraid since it was a gift, she may have to. Does what he says hold any truth? And isn't it blackmail anyways telling her to give that book back or he won't be paying any money owed to her back?

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Ok, not sure if this is the right place to post this. My friend is going through a messy divorce. Her ex is one of the most manipulative people I know. He tries to play her all the time and making this divorce as difficult as possible.

 

 

Anyways, she is kind of freaking out because while they were married, she did a photo shoot with a professional and it is a book of many photos of her posing naked. She gave it to him for Valentine's Day one year. Well when they split, she grabbed that book because she does not trust him or want him looking at those pics for obvious reasons.

 

 

He is now saying that is HIS property and she needs to give the book back to him and that he will win it back in the divorce. He told her the only way she can keep it is if she forgets about the equity owed to her from paying on the house they shared the past 10 years. Of course she isn't going to give the book back but afraid since it was a gift, she may have to. Does what he says hold any truth? And isn't it blackmail anyways telling her to give that book back or he won't be paying any money owed to her back?

 

Tell her to destroy the book. She then cannot give back something she no longer has.

 

Yes it's blackmail. she needs to stick up for herself. He is only trying to blackmail her because he thinks he still has power over her. She needs to stick up for herself. The book has nothing to do with equity negotiations.

 

Why on earth would she not have destroyed the book already?

 

Worse case scenario she can pay him the cost of the gift if he ever tries to sue her for it which I think is highly unlikely. I don't think any court in the world would order her to return naked pictures of herself to her ex husband. Absurd. The fact she is even giving this a second thought shows how much power he has had over her.

 

Destroy it!

Edited by 266696687
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startinganew777

Yeah, it is sad how much control he still has over her. I told her to document everything, keep every single text so she can show the lawyers and the judge just how crazy he is. He even went so far to say that she posed naked with one of his guitars which is his property so it is his!! Craziness!

 

 

He also threatened to commit suicide when she tried leaving him the first time. This guy is insane and he makes me so mad!

 

 

Yeah, she just needs to conveniently "lose" the book.

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startinganew777

Just wanted to make sure because I remember in my divorce, that all "gifts" were not to be returned. My ex tried to get the ring back but since it was a gift, they said I get to keep it.

 

 

Of course that is totally different but he is saying his lawyer said the same thing.

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Just wanted to make sure because I remember in my divorce, that all "gifts" were not to be returned. My ex tried to get the ring back but since it was a gift, they said I get to keep it.

 

 

Of course that is totally different but he is saying his lawyer said the same thing.

 

Regardless of whether it's a gift or not it's not something she wants to fall back into his hands. The fact that he is so desperate to get it should tell her his intentions if he did get it back wouldn't be good.

 

If it were me I'd still destroy it and take my chances with the judge. He might make her pay for it I.e the cost of the gift. I think given his behavior the only reason he wants it is to hold it over her head.

 

Again l'd take my chances and destroy it. No way would I ever risk him using it as revenge porn or for future blackmail.

 

If it was ever returned to him she wouldn't be able to undo the damage he may cause with it. You've got to question his motive for wanting it back in the first place so desperately when they are divorcing.

Edited by 266696687
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testmeasure

The whole mode of operation here is wrong. Why is she taking any legal advice from her ex? Next time he tries to tell her how things are, she should say sorry I don't take legal advice from you. If he thinks he can just take her half of the equity in the house because of a book, let him explain that reasoning to his attorney, a mediator and/or a judge.

 

Your friend is in for a pleasant surprise. I remember the dread and weight of hearing my ex's family member tell me how things were going to be. Then finally after some point in the process, I finally understood she wasn't in the driver's seat anymore. Her family member was on the phone with me laying it out how it was going to be and I just said, I don't take legal advice from you.

 

Your friend needs to talk to an attorney and not negotiate with the ex until the ex has a realistic understanding of how divorce works. Then eventually with both attorney's present they can try to negotiate a settlement. If they get that far and he's still unilaterally demanding that taking a book of photos of herself means she forfeits her share of home equity, that's great for her because he looks insane. It's not up to him anymore. They either work it out with realistic expectations or a judge decides.

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Gifts may become the property of the recipient but images belong to the person. There are also laws against posting revenge photos. have her ask her attorney. She should not turn over the book without a court order.

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She should talk to an attorney. IMO, the chances that a judge would force her to give back such a book or charge her for it in any way are slight, but she needs legal help on this.

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If you're going to destroy the album, make sure that you've moved your stuff out or he may destroy something of yours or harm you in some other way.

 

If you're going to get a lawyer for the divorce, maybe get one now and ask them how to proceed. A guess on my part would be that your ex is in the right since you gifted him with the album.

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Does what he says hold any truth? And isn't it blackmail anyways telling her to give that book back or he won't be paying any money owed to her back?

 

Don't know how much of this is being conveyed to your "friend" or how much stock she's putting in the information, but getting legal advice from strangers on the Internet is a lousy idea. The laws also vary from state-to-state so the feedback may not even be specific to her situation.

 

As you've been advised several times, she needs a lawyer...

 

Mr. Lucky

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She needs to start the same conversation with him again , in written. Then she has written proof of his blackmail .

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startinganew777
If you're going to destroy the album, make sure that you've moved your stuff out or he may destroy something of yours or harm you in some other way.

 

If you're going to get a lawyer for the divorce, maybe get one now and ask them how to proceed. A guess on my part would be that your ex is in the right since you gifted him with the album.

 

I'm talking about my good friend. This isn't about me. She left him years ago though and he has nothing of hers to destroy. He did have a key to her place and he gave it back but I worry that he made an extra. He is crazy. And she just started dating some guy who is over there all the time. Hopefully he doesn't show up while he is there. That could be a disaster.

 

 

She has been talking to a couple lawyers but not sure if she has mentioned this new blackmailing issue. Thing is, he didn't text her this, she said they met up and that is what he told her. So it isn't documented on her texts. I told her to stay away from him and they can just communicate through emails and texts so everything he says from here on out is on paper.

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startinganew777
Don't know how much of this is being conveyed to your "friend" or how much stock she's putting in the information, but getting legal advice from strangers on the Internet is a lousy idea. The laws also vary from state-to-state so the feedback may not even be specific to her situation.

 

As you've been advised several times, she needs a lawyer...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not talking about me by the way. This is really about my friend. And I realize getting legal advice from online is the greatest but she was really upset and worried, he still has this hold over her, and I was just getting other people's opinions. She has been talking to a couple lawyers in fact but not sure they know about this because she told me this stuff was said to her in person, not through a text or email. I told her to never meet up with him again so hopefully he starts texting her about this so she has proof.

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startinganew777
The whole mode of operation here is wrong. Why is she taking any legal advice from her ex? Next time he tries to tell her how things are, she should say sorry I don't take legal advice from you. If he thinks he can just take her half of the equity in the house because of a book, let him explain that reasoning to his attorney, a mediator and/or a judge.

 

Your friend is in for a pleasant surprise. I remember the dread and weight of hearing my ex's family member tell me how things were going to be. Then finally after some point in the process, I finally understood she wasn't in the driver's seat anymore. Her family member was on the phone with me laying it out how it was going to be and I just said, I don't take legal advice from you.

 

Your friend needs to talk to an attorney and not negotiate with the ex until the ex has a realistic understanding of how divorce works. Then eventually with both attorney's present they can try to negotiate a settlement. If they get that far and he's still unilaterally demanding that taking a book of photos of herself means she forfeits her share of home equity, that's great for her because he looks insane. It's not up to him anymore. They either work it out with realistic expectations or a judge decides.

 

 

Because he has some kind of hold over her still. I just don't get it. She is dating some new amazing guy, is super happy with him but still puts up with her soon to be ex husband. I wonder if there was some abuse there. She never comes out and says it but I kinda think that is what happened. She is so scared of him and gets SOOOO upset when he calls her. I just hope she takes my advice not to ever see him again. There is no reason for it. It will just make things worse. I knew he was a jerk but never knew just how bad of a person he was until after all of this.

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I was just getting other people's opinions.

 

Since those opinions are going to be conflicting and often inaccurate as to the implications of the actions taken, not sure of the point. If it's compelling enough to be of concern, the path forward is pretty clear...

 

Mr. Lucky

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AngryGromit
Tell her to destroy the book. She then cannot give back something she no longer has.

 

 

I agree, at the very least remove all the pages from it and burn them, then return the book to him.

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AngryGromit
He did have a key to her place and he gave it back but I worry that he made an extra.

 

A locksmith can re-key all her door for around $100. I had three door done after my Wife and her friend had a falling out and there was some question if she made a copy of the key she gave her.

 

She is so scared of him and gets SOOOO upset when he calls her.

 

She should change her number, all communication goes through her lawyer, yes this makes a divorce much more expensive, but nasty ones usually are.

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bubbaganoosh

What i don't understand is why she took the naked pictures to begin with. He probably see her naked everyday. Now all of a sudden he wants them.

 

No doubt that he's going to do what he can to shame her by showing them to his friends. If it's me I burn them and learn a lesson from it.

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Easy one to fix. Fireplace or grill. Lighter fluid.

 

What're they gonna do sue her?

 

Not that easy unfortunately. Once the case begins and it's messy , it's better not to destroy any proof. If they reach settlement then she can say she doesn't have it anymore. If it's going on trial , then yeah , she needs to keep and bring up with attorneys how to handle to not give it up.

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I'm talking about my good friend. This isn't about me. She left him years ago though and he has nothing of hers to destroy. He did have a key to her place and he gave it back but I worry that he made an extra. He is crazy. And she just started dating some guy who is over there all the time. Hopefully he doesn't show up while he is there. That could be a disaster.

 

 

She has been talking to a couple lawyers but not sure if she has mentioned this new blackmailing issue. Thing is, he didn't text her this, she said they met up and that is what he told her. So it isn't documented on her texts. I told her to stay away from him and they can just communicate through emails and texts so everything he says from here on out is on paper.

Googling this a bit more, have they filed a legal separation agreement? If not and they live in a state or country that requires this, the ex would be SOL if she destroys it.
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