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Non molestation and occupation order anyone?


Calmandfocused

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Calmandfocused

Hi loveshackers. I'm hoping to get some of your invaluable and very useful advice.

 

My stbxh continues to live with me and my 2 children. Despite warning letters from my solicitor (and his) about his emotional abuse, aggressive outburst in front of the children and "harrasment" (by means of surveillance equipment, locator devices etc), he continues to engage in all these behaviours. The police are not interested and tell me it's "a civil matter", I'm finding his behaviours increasing disturbing. He hasn't laid a finger on me but likes to give me-as I perceive them- indirect threats. For example he has suddenly developed an interest in guns. ( my stbxh is ex military).

 

Anyway, despite the police not being alarmed by this, my solicitor is. He has advised me to immediately seek a non molestation order and an occupational order to get him out the house for the safety of me and the children.

 

The only issue I have is this- whilst my solicitor believes I will be successful in the non molestation order, he's not so sure about the occupation order which would remove my stbxh from the home. If it fails, I know the abuse will escalate as my stbxh would perceive this as he's right and free to treat me as badly as he likes.

 

Whilst I'm eager to put an end to this misery, I fear that the situation could become much worse. I'm having to be super careful around him at the moment as his behaviour is unpredictable, erratic and volatile.

 

What would you do? Take the risk?

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Jersey born raised

Took a quick look at your past threads. I saw a link to "the silent" treatment. Did not read it but your description sounds like the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce. Which is what you should continue to strive to. What a lot of new BS (who this link is meant for) fail to realize is that it is a tool to detach from a WS. Sometimes (rarely) it causes the WS to attempt to, or reattach to the BS but it is meant as a tool to let go.

 

If your husband was posting here I would advise him you sound like a WAW (walk away wife) and to let you go. I would urge him to seek IC to address the issues that caused his WAW to detach and grow.

 

Stay calm, stay remote, change what you can, accept for today what cannot.

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How much longer until your divorce is complete and the consent order is signed and sealed? When that is done, he will have to leave anyway, occupation order or not.

 

Generally you should follow the advice of your solicitor. That is what you are paying him for, after all. If he feels the occupation order is unlikely to succeed then your time/effort is better placed towards getting the divorce finalised ASAP. But it's still worth getting a non-molestation order because breaching a non-molestation order is a criminal offence, so if you get one of these, the police WILL be interested if you need to call them again.

 

Make sure power of arrest is attached to whatever order you get, and make sure a copy of the paperwork is registered at the police station. Your solicitor should do this for you but just make sure.

Edited by PegNosePete
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Calmandfocused

Pete,

 

This has been going on for nearly 10 months now. My stbxh has been using any which way to stall, delay, over complicate matters and just be a complete any utter pain. He's admitted to me that he still hopes to reconcile, even after all the aggrevation and going through the worst year of my life to start the divorce proceedings.

 

The decree nissi gets issued on 7th march, however we are no where near to getting the consent order sorted for the children and the asset division. It's been utter hell and my anxiety and stress levels are through the roof.

 

So to answer your question, the truth is I just don't know when the divorce will be finalised. My stbxh is now saying that he wants to go to court. More delay, more expense and every day I'm having to look at him and endure his mind games.

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Go for the non-mol at least then.

 

If he says he will take it to court, just be pragmatic and cold. Say fine, see you in court and end the conversation. In fact don't talk to him about it at all. Just say "My solicitor says I shouldn't talk about this with you. Talk to my solicitor". The next day ask your solicitor to submit your form A. It's relatively cheap at this point and might just call his bluff, especially when he sees form E. If he does come to his senses, you can always cancel court proceedings (although don't cancel the court proceedings until you have the consent order signed and sealed in your hand). That worked like a charm with my ex, she wasn't responding at all to my letters and emails trying to settle out of court, but as soon as I applied to court, bam, response and negotiation.

 

If he really does intend to fight through court then you might as well get the process started now.

 

Applying to court to start the process ASAP really is win-win for you.

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Get whatever protection you can.It makes your case stronger in any case. If there is verbal abuse, start recording without his knowledge.How old are your kids ?

Take your solicitors advice and do what he says. While they are supposed to , but many times they don't tell you everything.

 

You need to push for divorce.Unfortunately, if he isnt leaving the house now, it wont be easy to make him leave even after divorce is final. He just wants to keep control over you as long as he can. The most he can have is while under the same roof.

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Calmandfocused

I got a nasty letter from his solicitor today saying that my stbxh has every right to stay in the property and that he won't leave, that my allegations of his aggressive behaviours are false (everything I've said is 100% true) and that if I proceed with a non-molestation order, he will pursue one against me.

 

I'll be honest and say that frightened me. Not because I've done anything wrong. It's more so that it could be devastating to my career. In other words, he's nicely weaving his solicitor into his cycle of abuse. To stay in power and control over me. Great!

 

My solicitor has advised to wait until he kicks off big time again then we'll get him issued with the non- mol asap. Sounds good but in the meantime it's more aggression and abuse for me. Just gets better doesn't it?

 

i appreciate your comments, please keep them coming. Sometimes (like now) i just feel overwhelmed and desperate with it all.

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