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Separation Time limit


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As I have stated here I have a friend who has been with his GF for 4 yrs and they have 2 kids/2 Step kids to him, on the GS's side.

 

Do you think it will mess up the kids when they are past age 10 if their parents don't take care of the Mom's divorce from her ex.

 

I just feel like if they don't take care of it. It may mess the kids up, self esteem wise. I have yet in my lifetime see or hear of a couple that stayed together non married and the woman or man could not finish up their divorce and raise kids together.

 

What do you think. Is the Ex Husband really the one holding things up. Why has my buddy put up with it. He told me 4 months ago that he has given up the idea of his GF getting divorced.

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Jersey born raised

What are the laws requiring a cooling off period where this couple live? In UK it is one year if both couple agree, but could drag on for several years if one spouses decides to contest it further.

 

Are they living together? Is it known to the children? Is their relationship known to her husburn?

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In late 2012. D's ex GF F got in touch with him through Face book. On Valentines Day 2013. They made it official. Early March 2013. She introduced hin to the kids. They lived seperate and moved in together in April 2015. Had a boy in Aug 2015 and a girl in Feb 2017.

 

F all along has been seperated from her Ex since 2009 from my understanding. D does not know what the hold up is. F's ex has a new GF now.

 

So Its not like D and F had an affair. For me why I am talking about it here is that I am trying to steer away from sitatuations like that. For me. D/F's relationship modal won't work with me.

 

What do they tell their kids when their kids get older. The Parents can't marry because of Mom's ex husband. in 2021. F's older son and daughter will be 20 and 18. Unless the ex is trying to get away with just paying low child support until the last one turns 18.

 

I don't understand why F's ex, would not fast track a divorce with F who has two new bio kids with her current BF D. While he currently has a new GF. After 8 yrs of being Seperated.

 

Is this the norm for everyone that has gotten Separated. Makes me just want to have a GF without kids. I may not even want to have kids with any woman I get involved with.

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My sister and her husband have never gotten divorced, and they split up about 12 years ago. Their kids are now 19 and 20, and pretty well-adjusted. Both my sister and brother-in-law have been in and out of relationships. I asked my sister why she never filed the divorce papers and she told me she just never got around to it.

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Well Rushed. I think everything should be wrapped up. To me. I can't be with a woman that is separated for more than a year. I can give her one year to wrap things up. 4 going to 8 yrs and nothing much has happened. Not for me.

 

Right now I have to really watch who I go for.

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Are they still entangled?

 

I mean, they're living separately...everyone knows, solid relationship with your friend then who cares? Legal marriage is just a piece of paper and it can be very expensive and cause more problems having to go though lawyers.... if they've agreed upon child support and coparenting and there's no issues, maybe neither are willing to shake things up unless they have to (one wants remarriage)

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My thing is what do you tell the kids when they get older and form their own romantic relationships contrast to their own peers. I think it sends a murky message to kids.

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Is the Ex Husband really the one holding things up.

No. If she wanted to get a divorce then she could see a lawyer and get one. If the ex is holding things up then she should have seen a lawyer and asked what she could do to prevent her husband holding thing up. There is always a way. It's pretty unbelievable that she would be unable to get a divorce for over 4 years, if she was really trying.

 

Why has my buddy put up with it.

Well only he can answer that but my guess would be because he has rocks in his head. Or the politically correct answer maybe because he is thinking with his heart not his head.

 

My thing is what do you tell the kids when they get older and form their own romantic relationships

"Don't do what your mother did, or what I did"

 

Your friend may not have heard the last of this story yet. Remaining married to someone can have serious implications. What if he has an accident, becomes disabled and asks his wife for financial assistance? What if she were to die, and as a surviving spouse he contests her will? Crazy stuff.

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If the Ex husband wanted F back. He had from 2009 to Jan 2013 to make that happen. Maybe even up to Summer/Early fall of 2014.

 

The financial costs of having 2 kids vs getting a Divorce is mind boggling for me.

 

Truth be told. She basically just dropped in my buddies Lap. He really did not have to work it as much with her. He does not want to rock the boat so he goes with the flow. I don't think he was thrilled with having a second kid. Mind you he is a homebody that indulges in his Digital Entertainment. So I don't see how much of a burden that is. I am more the one that likes to go out.

 

I am talking to them in March/April about some things and this topic will come out. Technically it does not matter to me. I just have to make sure I don't let it happen to me in my next relationship.

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I just have to make sure I don't let it happen to me in my next relationship.

That's easy, just don't date married women. It's not rocket science.

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How does you friend feel about all of this? Has he expressed his feelings with his girlfriend? Does he share your opinion that it could be harder for the kids with not having definitive lines drawn with getting the divorce to go through? It sounds like a hard situation, especially now that there are four kids with two different dads. It sounds like your friend wants to do the best by all four kids.

I guess I would consider highly recommending that your friend have a serious conversation with his gf about what he wants and get to know what she is thinking in terms of any reservations she has with going through with the divorce to get more information.

Divorce is hard on any kid in different ways. However, if they are getting the support and love they need from your friend and his gf, they will be okay and grow up strong. Getting the love they need is more important than the relationship status.

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Peg she is separated. ITs just the paperwork on the Divorce is not filled. Unless something has happened currently that I am not aware of.

 

I will not date married women. If she is separated. No Bio kids with each other or living together. No exceptions.

 

For me its Single/Widowed/Divorced without kids. The Same again with 1 or 2 kids.

 

The way that I am right now. She would have to be very charming to pull off e getting involved with her to the point of me having any type of Bio kids together or living together.

 

If my friend was more mentally stronger. He would have been able to slow down everything with his GF. She basically just pounced on him and there is no methodical thought to their lives.

 

I personally think that he should help her with the divorce. Just get it done. She is staying home for 2 yrs one with payed maternity leave. The second year, without income according to her.

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I personally think that he should help her with the divorce.

Yeah, but he can't help her if she doesn't want it herself. And if she wanted it herself, it would have been done a long time ago...

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Timeline this is how its looked from my view.

 

They started talking Dec 2012.

Officially dating on Valentines Day in Feb 14/2013.

Introduced him to the Kids in March 2013.

Pregnant in Dec 2014.

G moved in to her house with her kids in April of 2015.

Had first bio kid in August 2015.

Just has Second bio kid together Feb 2017.

 

Feels like she has basically pushed a relationship on him. No real time to breath. No major traction on the Divorce. He claims she can do it on the Internet. What ever thats supposed to mean.

 

She basically constructed the same relationship with D. As she did with her ex. Went out with her ex. Had a bio kid in 2001. Then had a bio kid in 2003 and then married her ex in early 2003 sometime while she was pregnant. Separated in 2009. Then got with my Buddy D in 2013, which I already stated above.

 

Unless its a money thing. What the most a Divorce could cost. maybe 4 grand. She can always just have it as a bill. The Ex now has a GF so why bother staying married to D's GF -H. There is no house thing. They have custody of the kids in a shared capacity.

 

Some women are very tricky. She is so lucky that D does not call her on the Divorce.

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She is so lucky that D does not call her on the Divorce.

 

You never really know whats happening behind closed doors. He could be commitment phobe. He doesnt have to marry her and be liable for so much stuff that comes with having the paper.

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He says he wants to marry her so. He can't do until she gets Divorced. He does not have commitment issues. He either makes it with her. Or has nothing. There is no other lady in the wings for him.

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I don't buy that.

 

He knows he can't marry her because she is already married. People who are serious, move mountains to make it happen. They don't sit and brood.

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I don't buy that.

 

He knows he can't marry her because she is already married. People who are serious, move mountains to make it happen. They don't sit and brood.

 

Can not agree more.

Being the one who has to initiate everything is very tiring. As a person, we all need once in while, someone takes our hands and we have the trust and peace in heart, not thinking where are we going.

Being together should just fit in, not to try so hard to make it happen.

Good luck with everything! Bottom line is you should be happy during this journey.

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I think the problem lies with her. My friend can't get her divorced. She has to get on the same page with her Ex.

 

I don't know why its so hard for her. Like I said before. She constrcted her relationship with her ex in a haphazzard way. So she is repeating it with my Friend.

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