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Just me again....


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 22nd April 2005, 12:42 AM   #1
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Unhappy Just me again....

Y'all are probably sick of hearing about me by this time...but I just feel like this is the only place to get everything out of my system...

In two weeks it will all be over. NOW he decides he wants to spend tons of time with the kids when he didn't have the time to spend more than half an hour a week with them for most of the past year. I'm wondering if the girlfriend is now out of the picture since he's been able to spend 4 of the last 6 weekends with them and the other 2 are accounted for with work.

We had a knock-down-drag-out on the phone Monday night. Him slinging mud about my attorney, and me shoving back with the immaturity and unprofessionalism of his. Finally told him lawyers are lawyers and mine is no worse than his is.

He's ticked off about the settlement my attorney and I proposed. He's saying its more than he makes a month, when I know darn good and well its just less than half! He wants to refinance the house, but I had to explain to him there isn't a bank in the world that's going to touch a refinance. One, because the roof leaks and the insurance isn't going to cover it (wind damage), two, the basement leaks like a seive and he's known it for the entire 11 years we've lived in this house and hasn't managed to do a damn thing about it, and three, a bank is going to take one look at this being a refinance for a divorce, and they're going to run the other direction quicker than you can blink!

His other offer is a quit-claim deed, which I told him he can simply forget about. There's no way I can afford a house payment, insurance and taxes on this home with what I make...even with child support. My offer consisted of remaining in the home with the children, he pays the mortgage and insurance, I cover the taxes, and when our daughter graduates in 8 years we sell, I take the equity that is in the home right now ($40,000) off the top and split the remainder.

His attorney is telling him he can quit-claim deed the house to me, pay $1300 a month for child support and walk away a free man.

Ain't happenin' that easy!

He's even offered to pay for an unbiased attorney (yeah, right) to take a look at his offer and tell me if its reasonable or not! What a joke! The man makes $72,000 a year and he's bitching about a little over $2500 a month for child support and the house?

Truth be told, I'm not asking for anything for myself. Half of his retirement is mine by law, so there's no discussion there. I have asked for one quarter of his inheiritance (after 18 years of marriage I deserve something, and only after his mother dies) and one quarter to be split between the children with him retaining one half of the total trust (we're talking close to a million dollars here). No alimony, no insurance, nothing. I figure I work, so my pay is my way.

Maybe he's realizing the finality of all this like I am. Who knows. Maybe he never will.

Thanks, guys, for listening yet again to the ramblings of a nearly crazy person!
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Old 22nd April 2005, 12:57 AM   #2
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Strong!

Stay strong and don't give in!...He sounds a lot like my STBX...who controlled me for 6 years and thinks he still can!...I need encouragement sometimes, so I figured you probably do too...KEEP IT UP!..

We're not crazy, it's the people in our lives that are crazy!
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Am I really ready?!?!
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Old 22nd April 2005, 9:12 AM   #3
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I can't even begin to understand why anyone would even think that they can just walk away from all the responsibilities they had....and just stick their spouse with it all. It absolutely boggles the mind.

Courts shouldn't have to order people to do the right thing.
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Old 23rd April 2005, 12:33 AM   #4
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What a load of crap....

So I get papers from his attorney today, via my attorney. I couldn't believe what was in them!

Basically, he wants to dump the house and the payments on me (which I cannot afford, even WITH child support), wants to see the children whenever he wants to, plans on keeping all of his 401K accounts and retirements, is willing to let me have the contents of the house (everything nearing 20 years old), plus he wants his Harley, the tools, the guns, the gun safe and the woodworking tools. His plan is $1300 a month for child support.

Gimme a break!!

By law, I get half of his 401K's and retirements...period. The Harley, the tools, etc., were all purchased with marital funds, so I don't give a rat's a** if he sells them or what, but I want HALF! I've worked throughout this marriage the same as he has, and I'll be damned if he's going to walk away scott free.

So I give him a call, tell him I'd like to talk about his "offer" (which, by the way, his attorney said would be his only offer). While I waited for him I wrote out all the bills and their amounts, added up my take home pay plus his proposed child support payment, then showed him exactly what goes out of this house every month. Once the bills were added up, I would be left with exactly $1011 for the month for food, gas, clothes, and entertainment for the three of us. And that includes MY paycheck!

Does he have any idea what it costs to feed a 6'1" fifteen year old? Does he have any idea what basketball shoes or baseball cleats cost? School lunches? Movies? Birthday or Christmas gifts?

Forget about vacations or summer passes for the swimming pool. Forget about ever being able to afford having their hair cut again. No more friend's birthday parties either, because we won't be able to afford a gift.

I am so pi**ed off at him right now I could just scream!!!!
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Old 23rd April 2005, 1:41 PM   #5
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What an a$$!!!

I guess he's going to make you do it the hard way. That sucks, after all you've already been through.

I wonder how it would affect the negotiations if you were all "sweetness and light" when you interact with him?

In other words, let your attorney be the hard-a$$, and present less of a target for his hostility in yourself.

It's certainly not easy to be nice to such an a*hole, but there's always time later to give free reign to your disgust....AFTER the settlement.

Hell, it's not like he's always dealt with you from a position of honesty, so who is he now to be given the benefit of your true feelings.

Just a thought.
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Old 24th April 2005, 1:26 AM   #6
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Wow

You will only have $1011 left per month for all the extras-gas, food, entertainment,etc...you are LUCKY!..After my bills are paid, I'm lucky to have 40.00 left per month for all the extras. You don't have it as bad as you may think!
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Old 4th May 2005, 6:08 PM   #7
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ready2moveon26

Yeah, sounds great...
Except that $800 goes to food, leaving me with $211 for gas for 2 vehicles (mine & son's), movies or rentals, clothes, shoes, and everything else.
Not feasable.

And he's not willing to negotiate, so we'll be going to court on the 17th. Was supposed to be yesterday, but the judge had someone in his family die so everything got pushed back.

Irony? When we got married the minister died the week before the wedding.
Now we're getting divorced and the judge has someone die.
Swear, I can't win!
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