jim85563 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Hi, hopefully someone can advise me. My wife and I have been together 7 years, married 3 of them. We have 2 children ages 4 and 2. We have recently in the last 6 weeks moved into a new house, a house that my wife had been searching for a long time. When we met, i already owned a house, she was renting so after 6 months of dating she moved in. As time went by she would always commented on how much she hated the house etc, I always said that when we both found a house we would move to it which we did. To move to this house has cost a fortune, streteched our monthly budgets and caused us all significant stress in moving, plus with christmas made things a lot worse. Anyway when we moved in back in Novemeber, within the first week she started behaving weirdly, eventually she told me she hated the house which I told her that she hadnt given it enough time to feel like home. She also was very distant from me, no hugs, just a quick kiss when I was going to work or vice versas. 2 weeks down the line things got worse, in the end after a lot of arguing she told me she didn't love me anymore and we are over. Naturally I wanted to try and sort all this out but after days of arguring it became clear that she was hurting more and we were getting no where. Now she has decided to move into a rented house, is barely talking to me and has basically screwed up our future because neither os us can save, and I will be very pushed to keep up the mortgage payments. She will also have very little money after the bills have gone out. I have so far told her I will support her to move out which seems to of helped her speak to me a bit more. I dont know what else to do, she has already started buying new stuff for the rented house as its unfurnished. She is unwilling to try and resolve anything, nor talk to a marriage councilor. She blames it all on me, saying ive not been affectionate towards her enough and has felt like it for a long time. A lot of what she says is rubbish and i know i am not all to blame at all. can anyone offer any advice, this is a horrible situation. thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Where are the kids going to stay ? Unless there were any specific issues. I guess she has another man , with whom she is going to share the house to live. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jim85563 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 the kids are going with her, as far as im aware there isnt anyone else involved. she is only going a mile down the road too so not far away. her family are furious with her and are barely speaking. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I guess it's over the top reaction. Is she healthy ? Mentally and physically? Under depression maybe ? How are you going to manage 2 households if finances are already under strain? Some sense needs to be knocked into her. Will she go MC? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Yeah, she has been cheating, since before you got the new house. And, to make it worse she does not have the balls to tell you the truth at all. You just need to file for divorce and move on. Everything she has done is classic cheater behavior and it has become her exit affair even if you don't know it yet. You can do the detective work but trust me it is easier to just move on. I know it is hard to believe, but if you think I am wrong you can either check all my other posts about this stuff of become the detective. If you check her phone records you will find the mans number that she has been seeing if you have to do that. Or you can just take my word for it. I am sorry though, it is all going to suck for you... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Check your phone bill. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 He can just go drive down and see for himself. All answers will be there. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Tell her if she wants to go, go but the kids stay with you. Hate to say it but people don't just up and leave like that unless there's someone else waiting in the wings. Or she has severe mental illness that's coming out now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) Kill any fungible joint debt obligations, like credit cards, and get a free consultation with a family law attorney. Don't do anything else until you've gotten advice tailored to your specific circumstances. I only mention the credit cards because she's apparently gone on a spending spree already and, if with joint debt, heh, you'll pay to furnish her house. Sorry for your experience and welcome to LS. I can share some of the stuff that worked for me once you've returned and shared more specifics. Unless you're wealthy and live in a fault state, don't worry about her infidelities, if any. The cost of mounting a fault lawsuit and custody battle is likely beyond your means. Focus on accepting the real. She moved out of the house she apparently chose, took the kids and is furnishing her new digs and not talking to you about the marriage. That's reality. ETA, I saw 'rubbish' in your post and that makes me think you're in Europe or the UK....if so, that changes the process a bit but the basic advice is similar. Edited January 17, 2017 by carhill 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 ETA, I saw 'rubbish' in your post and that makes me think you're in Europe or the UK....if so, that changes the process a bit but the basic advice is similar. Yep, also he used "marriage councilor". Regardless jim85563, the advice given is still sound - - See a lawyer specializing in divorce to understand your position - Check any joint accounts, phone, text and email to know what your up against You'll have to understand the legal and emotional sides of this are two very different things. Keep posting, lots of support here... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 So much to share but at this point the kids stay in their house! Locked down you finances. See an attorney. You are in shock and frozen. You must break free for the sake of both of you and your children. The house is their home. Keep the there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jim85563 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Hey, thanks for the responses. Firstly she has suffered from depression in the past and i have recently discovered her self esteem is very low to the point where she hates what she sees in the mirror. I appreciate what your saying about an affair however she would of never had the time for it as we are both around straight after work. S She is adamant there is no one else or anyone else lined up for that matter, I guess. from all this there are clearly trust issues between us however in the last week we seem to be talking a lot more than before as i have backed right off. thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jim85563 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 I guess it's over the top reaction. Is she healthy ? Mentally and physically? Under depression maybe ? How are you going to manage 2 households if finances are already under strain? Some sense needs to be knocked into her. Will she go MC? she suffers from an immune disease which she takes medication for. Ive no idea how we are going to manage finacially, its going to be very hard. She has had depression in the past on several occasions, before i even met her. She wont go MC due to past experiences not relating to marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Some medications have severe side effects. Check up with her doctor. Otherwise your family is going to get shattered completely. Ask her parents to help out somehow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Again the kids stay. Either she is involved with another man or is not capable of caring for them. Your home and you are the stability they need. Talk to an attorney about what accepting the custody she wants now. It will only get worst! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 She wont go MC due to past experiences not relating to marriage. If she won't help or cooperate, your priorities shift to protecting and providing for yourself and your kids. That should be your exclusive focus... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlChem Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Hi, Your situation sounds quite similar to my own which I posted on this forum (2 young children - wife moved out into rented place, says she doesn't love me anymore). Has the situation become any clearer for you? AlChem Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Hey, thanks for the responses. Firstly she has suffered from depression in the past and i have recently discovered her self esteem is very low to the point where she hates what she sees in the mirror. I appreciate what your saying about an affair however she would of never had the time for it as we are both around straight after work. S She is adamant there is no one else or anyone else lined up for that matter, I guess. from all this there are clearly trust issues between us however in the last week we seem to be talking a lot more than before as i have backed right off. thanks Famous last words. Now check your phone bill 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Hi Jim, what is the position now? Are you communicating with your 2ife? Did you check your phone bill as suggested by some posters and if so, did you find any red flags? Really sorry for your situation but there's very little you can do if your wife is uncooperative. Remember to take care of yourself. You do not want to fall sick. Be strong and your wife will be attracted back to you. If not then plan a life without her in the picture. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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