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Divorcing, feeling guilty


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 2nd April 2017, 8:31 AM   #16
Fdb
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I am pathetic......

I am home for 3 weeks vacation, meanwhile, he is away for almost 3 weeks in our home country. The house is trashed from garage, to every level of the house. I was cleaning and hired some one to clean too. All the time what on my mind was: the house would fall down one day since he did not do anything around the house. Then I looked inside me and could not understood why should I care since he is one keeping the house and will not give me anything if I do not file a contested divorce.
Did I really loved him so to take care almost everything? Or I was just a keeper who tried to work this marriage out?
I feel that he is keeping all hit pride now. But what this pride cone from He barely can take care of anything inside and outside the house, makes similar salary as me, never there was a moment I feel safe or relief because his presence, the maximal feeling was that I was not alone
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Old 2nd April 2017, 10:32 AM   #17
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It seems like you are growing and he is stagnating. I would discuss this with him in marraige counceling and tell him you will leave him if he doesn't demonstrate a desire for better relations.
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Old 2nd April 2017, 10:41 AM   #18
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Among other things....I wouldn't bother cleaning the whole house and garage after he trashed it......just clean one room for you and your son. And don't pay anyone to clean your H's mess. Leave it for him, just close you eyes, it's time to leave.
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Old 11th April 2017, 1:37 PM   #19
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It has been 1 year......

It has been a year since we had the last fundamental fight. He talked to my sister and told her how much he still loves me. I do not buy anything at all. He is returning from our home country and I am stressed out to some degree already. For me, there is no return disregard how much I am fear for the future. Keep telling myself everything will work out. Stay strong, stay positive, keep holding the sky for my child......
Regardless, many many times I wonder, how did I get here, how could I put up so much, how could
someone just being a taker.....
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Old 11th April 2017, 1:41 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoleMate View Post
Among other things....I wouldn't bother cleaning the whole house and garage after he trashed it......just clean one room for you and your son. And don't pay anyone to clean your H's mess. Leave it for him, just close you eyes, it's time to leave.
I did not clean further
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Old 11th April 2017, 3:24 PM   #21
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Stay strong! Look at actions over words. Trust the actions. Best wishes for a brighter future.
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Old 20th April 2017, 8:25 PM   #22
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Small update

Only two months left till I am done with my training. I mailed out the deposit for a condo for my child and I will stay when I return to where my child is. I understood that I really loved him is why I was in so much pain. Also I understand now that I always can not stand the situation, always Unable to change it or accept it, leaving is my only way out. I stopped crying. I am still worry how he can survive on his own but I will not give rest of my life to take care him.
Please give me your bless and please pray for his happiness too. He is not an evil person, just very limited to give, share and be responsible.

Last edited by Fdb; 20th April 2017 at 8:33 PM..
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Old 20th April 2017, 9:30 PM   #23
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You are so sweet and so deserving of somebody who treats you well. Not too many people would ask others to pray for the person they're divorcing.

You are truly someone special.
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Old 5th October 2017, 4:52 AM   #24
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How did we get here?

The divorce is on going. Money is a big issue since he wants to strip me to bare minimal. I make very decent amount of money. But my daughter and I need some money for the rainy days before I can rebuilt.
I always wonder how we came today? How did I let him get away everything? And how just talking to him became an torture?
When he yells, I feel his desperation and pain. But there is nothing worth me to stay to be his wife, to make him financial stable.
He will never change because he never thinks he did anything wrong. Our he will say sorry without any action. He just called me the woman has the most evil heart out of anger, just like other times when he was angry he said awful things.He said I ruined his life because he was a surgeon back home, now he is nothing since came to this country with me......
Everything seems just like a nightmare. I do not want to be alone but did I really have a partner ever? Did I really have man to make me feel beautiful, loved , special? I feel I have been the maid, the dough-maker. I never felt beautiful when I was with him.
After a long day of work,how much I wish there will be a warm face waiting for me for dinner, someone can listen to me to yelp about how crazy work got or funny something happened during day...... I never had that, wish it could happen someday. I am using all of you to vent, my appoligies
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Old 5th October 2017, 12:33 PM   #25
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I want 25% off the money we paid towards the house (only principle, not include interest), he refused to take home equality loan and give to me. He knew I would not see him in the court since I will not have the heart or time. He offered me 7% what we own together.

The divorce is on going. Money is a big issue since he wants to strip me to bare minimal. I make very decent amount of money. But my daughter and I need some money for the rainy days before I can rebuilt.
Tell your lawyer and your husband that you'll be asking for 50% now and spousal support. Probably doable being married 18yrs. When he sees you're serious he'll happily give you the 25% you're seeking. Don't let him bully you, you are entitled to way more than he's offering.

You need to approach this not as a relationship failed but a failed business that needs to be split.
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Old 5th October 2017, 8:00 PM   #26
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I am the one making a lot more money between us. I used my time to advanced myself. He used his time did whatever made him feel good but not to improve himself. He wants the house, saving, will think about child support, may ask alimony from me because ‘what You will make is a lot of money’
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