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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 28th January 2017, 11:03 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
So why hasn't she divorced you if she doesn't want you anymore?
Is it the military benefits?
It doesn't matter who files. She will get something from his military benefits if she gets a good lawyer.
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Old 28th January 2017, 11:03 PM   #47
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Best thing you can do if not you'll just linger while she eats cake. It's a bad situation but waiting will just make it worse.

The ones who get strong and go their own way come out of these situations best.

"We're just friends" is the biggest lie told. If you haven't figured that out by now.

Good luck
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Old 29th January 2017, 4:52 PM   #48
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It doesn't matter who files. She will get something from his military benefits if she gets a good lawyer.
It almost seems like you are siding with her
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Old 29th January 2017, 7:16 PM   #49
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It almost seems like you are siding with her
Oh, no. Just stating a fact. You are both at fault and need to end this relationship as well as it possibly can be terminated.
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Old 30th January 2017, 1:54 PM   #50
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After reading Corinthians 7:10-11, the Bible is saying to not give up and that a husband shouldn't leave his wife. Just a ball of emotions now. I was so ready to give up, call it quits the last few days. I know everyone is telling me to give up, move on ect. It's not easy to do when I still have love in my heart for my wife
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Old 1st February 2017, 10:19 PM   #51
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My 8 year wedding anniversary is in 12 days. I ordered flowers online with a message to let her know I was thinking about her. I also handwrote a card to let her know I was sorry for all my faults in the marriage, so she could sympathize with me that I do care about the wrongs I done in the marriage. We haven't communicated in a few days. Just kind of a last ditch effort to see what comes of it.
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Old 1st February 2017, 10:25 PM   #52
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Go back and read up on adultery. Playing the "pick me dance" always fails
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Old 1st February 2017, 11:51 PM   #53
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I feel for you but like all cheaters, they blame their spouses for their cheating. Much like a drunk will say that she drinks because of you. Typical behavior. When I was a boy I watched a lot of WWII movies. In almost every one there was a soldier who received a Dear John letter while he was in some hell hole trying to stay alive so he could go back home and marry his high school sweet heart.

Little did I know that I would be that guy when I was in Vietnam. Back then the deployment was a full year and no going home at all. At best, married soldiers could go to Hawaii to see their wife and kids once a year. So I could not even go home to talk to her. To make matters worse, there was no internet or cell phones back then. It was snail male and just try settling things by letter every two weeks if lucky.

I broke up with my fiancee. The way I looked at it was that she has proven that she could not be trusted and she is a liar. So how can I believe her or trust her again since her world is meaningless. I also believe that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior so I cut her loose and it is a good thing I did. She went on to get hooked on drugs, mental illness and cheating on her husband with a woman that she married. If not for her cheating I would never have met my wife of 44+ years. So what seemed bad turned out to be the best thing in my life.

When I got back from Nam I saw so many Army wives going out with soldiers. An otherwise plain looking wife could have sex with a good looking guy. It was very sad to see that and hear guys talking about whose wife they banged. I was offered money and a promotion to re-up but I could not picture me living in an environment where I have to worry about my wife. I can understand it to a certain extent. Husband is overseas and everyday you may have someone knock on your door to tell you that you husband is dead. Only contact was snail mail and the very occasional radio phone 5 minute call.

People get lonely. The are living in fear and stressed out. Men prey on such women knowing that there is zero chance that they will get caught. Odds are that they will be discharged or at some other post by the time the husband gets home. Best thing for you is to get a fresh start. Some day when you are my age you will look back on your nice life and realize that it was both the good and bad things that happened to you that got you to where you are. Now I am grateful for all the bad things in my early life because they have given me a wife of 44 years and a great life. Be brave and move on.
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Old 2nd February 2017, 12:29 AM   #54
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I feel for you but like all cheaters, they blame their spouses for their cheating. Much like a drunk will say that she drinks because of you. Typical behavior. When I was a boy I watched a lot of WWII movies. In almost every one there was a soldier who received a Dear John letter while he was in some hell hole trying to stay alive so he could go back home and marry his high school sweet heart.

Little did I know that I would be that guy when I was in Vietnam. Back then the deployment was a full year and no going home at all. At best, married soldiers could go to Hawaii to see their wife and kids once a year. So I could not even go home to talk to her. To make matters worse, there was no internet or cell phones back then. It was snail male and just try settling things by letter every two weeks if lucky.

I broke up with my fiancee. The way I looked at it was that she has proven that she could not be trusted and she is a liar. So how can I believe her or trust her again since her world is meaningless. I also believe that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior so I cut her loose and it is a good thing I did. She went on to get hooked on drugs, mental illness and cheating on her husband with a woman that she married. If not for her cheating I would never have met my wife of 44+ years. So what seemed bad turned out to be the best thing in my life.

When I got back from Nam I saw so many Army wives going out with soldiers. An otherwise plain looking wife could have sex with a good looking guy. It was very sad to see that and hear guys talking about whose wife they banged. I was offered money and a promotion to re-up but I could not picture me living in an environment where I have to worry about my wife. I can understand it to a certain extent. Husband is overseas and everyday you may have someone knock on your door to tell you that you husband is dead. Only contact was snail mail and the very occasional radio phone 5 minute call.

People get lonely. The are living in fear and stressed out. Men prey on such women knowing that there is zero chance that they will get caught. Odds are that they will be discharged or at some other post by the time the husband gets home. Best thing for you is to get a fresh start. Some day when you are my age you will look back on your nice life and realize that it was both the good and bad things that happened to you that got you to where you are. Now I am grateful for all the bad things in my early life because they have given me a wife of 44 years and a great life. Be brave and move on.
I appreciate your input. It's just so hard to let go. My first wife cheating on me when I was deployed in Iraq in 2003. It sucks to get married again and the same thing happen to me. Have 2 beautiful children with her and she was a great wife for a long time....it just hurts like hell. All I do is think about her but it seems like the feelings are not mutual anymore...thought time and space would help but it's just making me more insecure, unwanted ect...maybe everyone is right and I need a fresh start, but I invested 10 years!!! Now I have 3 kids, 2 failed marriages and I feel like a straight failure. I'm 35 and feel my life is destroyed. I don't want to have to start over again just to go through this pain for a 3rd time but I also don't want to be alone....
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Old 2nd February 2017, 1:01 AM   #55
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I cancelled the orders on the flowers and plan on tossing the letter I wrote away. I can't do it by myself and make a marriage work on my own...it really hurts, but she is so done she is acting immature and nonchalant. It's time. Just hope financially that I'm ready
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Old 2nd February 2017, 7:45 AM   #56
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After reading Corinthians 7:10-11, the Bible is saying to not give up and that a husband shouldn't leave his wife. Just a ball of emotions now. I was so ready to give up, call it quits the last few days. I know everyone is telling me to give up, move on ect. It's not easy to do when I still have love in my heart for my wife
MilitaryMan. Move on. There are other scriptures that could be 'selectively' given to provide you a reason to divorce or 'give-up.'

Matthew 5:32



But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality...

We won't even discuss the second part of this scripture.
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Old 2nd February 2017, 8:07 AM   #57
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MilitaryMan. Move on. There are other scriptures that could be 'selectively' given to provide you a reason to divorce or 'give-up.'

Matthew 5:32



But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality...

We won't even discuss the second part of this scripture.
Thanks for all the support. Why even respond if your going to be an ******* about it
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Old 2nd February 2017, 8:58 AM   #58
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I appreciate your input. It's just so hard to let go. My first wife cheating on me when I was deployed in Iraq in 2003. It sucks to get married again and the same thing happen to me. Have 2 beautiful children with her and she was a great wife for a long time....it just hurts like hell. All I do is think about her but it seems like the feelings are not mutual anymore...thought time and space would help but it's just making me more insecure, unwanted ect...maybe everyone is right and I need a fresh start, but I invested 10 years!!! Now I have 3 kids, 2 failed marriages and I feel like a straight failure. I'm 35 and feel my life is destroyed. I don't want to have to start over again just to go through this pain for a 3rd time but I also don't want to be alone....
Cheating is hard to get over, and even harder if you are the only one to work at it. You can't do it alone. If she is checked out its time for you to move on as well. I'm sorry this happened. I separated and went through a divorce at 39. He cheated on me multiple times in our 20 year marriage.

Remember, you are not a failure. Things happen, how we react to those things is what makes us a success or a failure. If you were to stay with her, would you be a success by being a doormat but yet married?

I'm glad you threw away the flowers and the card, no need to show affection to someone that probably doesn't care at all about any of that from you. Just cause more hurt.

I was so scared of being alone myself, so I can relate. But I can tell you, it does get better. A year out of it and I am the happiest I have ever been in my adult life. I've let go of all that garbage. Even my kids are happier not to be around all that tension. I spent some time alone, learned who I was outside the marriage, learned to love myself.. ALONE. It's not that devastating!

Honestly, things do get better. Hang in there, and keep posting here, it helps sometimes just to get it out.
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Old 2nd February 2017, 9:48 AM   #59
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MM, You will be OK...

MM, You will be OK in the long run. I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you. There is just nothing more disrespectful than someone doing this to one of our service men.

As bad as you feel know, as you start to get over this, just take your time and heal. And you will heal. After you divorce her you will start to feel a lot better over time.

Just work on you picker for next time. And def get into some therapy to help you get over all of this.
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Old 2nd February 2017, 10:12 AM   #60
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MM, You will be OK in the long run. I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you. There is just nothing more disrespectful than someone doing this to one of our service men.

As bad as you feel know, as you start to get over this, just take your time and heal. And you will heal. After you divorce her you will start to feel a lot better over time.

Just work on you picker for next time. And def get into some therapy to help you get over all of this.
I'm currently in therapy now. Thinking about getting out on some Anxiety meds
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