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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 17th January 2017, 1:13 PM   #31
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UPDATE: I ate dinner with my wife's mother yesterday, because she wanted to see the children. And she told me that My wife told her that she didn't want to divorce or go to that extreme but she just needed some space, after she already told me it was done. She told both her mom and dad that she's not saying it's over but she needs space. I don't know what to think about this because she's already told me it was done. Is there still a chance?
Do they know she's seeing another man? She's playing this a certain way so she doesn't look like the bad guy.
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:05 PM   #32
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Thank you for the responses. I'm going to give it 3 months of no contact unless it's about the kids. If she doesn't reach out to me, the I will go the route that I really wanted to avoid. We have to be separated a year where I am at to file. The guy in question is definitely not her type. He is Asian and might be just a friend. I looked up the phone records and she hasn't been talking to this guy, maybe once in a while. Maybe I might be overreacting and being a jealous person but some of her actions are in appropriate. I think she is doing this because she is hurt from what I did. She told her mom that none of this wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for my actions before I deployed..
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:07 PM   #33
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I guess I'll play the waiting game and see if she comes back and if it's meant to be or not. I already sought legal advice just in case it goes that right butbin my heart I hope it all works out for the best
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:10 PM   #34
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UPDATE: I ate dinner with my wife's mother yesterday, because she wanted to see the children. And she told me that My wife told her that she didn't want to divorce or go to that extreme but she just needed some space, after she already told me it was done. She told both her mom and dad that she's not saying it's over but she needs space. I don't know what to think about this because she's already told me it was done. Is there still a chance?
So do they know there's another man involved? You are being played.

Go your own way
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:15 PM   #35
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They know who he is. They thought he was gay when they met him LOL
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:17 PM   #36
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They both went to nursing school together
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Old 21st January 2017, 7:42 PM   #37
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Old 21st January 2017, 8:39 PM   #38
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If nothing is going on and he's not her type. .why did she sleep at his house while his wife was away?

Shes trying to give her parents hope and not be direct with them. She threatened you with a restraining order. ... she doesn't even like you, never mind love you.

Keep all the talk centred around the kids and proceed to D, in your 3 month timeframe.
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Old 21st January 2017, 9:39 PM   #39
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What are the current custody arrangements? They often become permanent. Are you ok with that. Your oldest what is that custody arrangement.

Finances and custody: how are they being handled? Now right now find and hire a lawyer and establish what the terms of the divorce will be !!! You don't have to file, just if you do this is how it will be.

Go to MC alone. Learn what you need to be a better father and a better husband. This is what a woman who was a second wife wrote about her husband's actions when separated during the waiting period. Read the last sentence "I reaped ...." over and over. Be this guy !

Why improve yourself by the new wife of a BS*

As a side note I always find it very interesting when a person is hammering their ex mate so hard for cheating and refuses to accept any responsibility for anything that might have been wrong in the marriage.

My husband's exwife cheated on him and left him for the OM. She was pregnant by OM before the divorce was final. When I met him he admitted he knew he'd done things in the marriage which left it vulnerable to an affair.*

He didn't condone her affair but he accepted responsibility for his part in the demise of their marriage. That was something I had to respect. He worked on himself, in therapy, while they were separated and divorcing. When she wouldn't go to MC, he went alone, and I have reaped the benefit from that counseling. *

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BS be this person. *
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Old 21st January 2017, 10:01 PM   #40
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I did accept responsibility. I told her that she can have the password to all my accounts and whatever she needed. I was also willing to overlook all the mistakes she made as well. All I asked was both of us to go to marriage counseling to throw it all out on the table so we can see it from both of our prospectives. She refuses, says she's done and to go "Find my dream girl" which I don't want. I understand I'm the one that caused all of it and I did accept responsibility. I just hope that time apart helps us both realize that we where meant for eachother and it also gives her a chance to miss me. Right now I know she is emotionally disconnected but I can only hope right? It seems like the aggressive approach to get my marriage back didn't work. The counselor, parents (Hers) all told me to give her space. Even my wife said before this past week "If it's meant to be that we are together, then it's meant to be" I know nothing in life is guaranteed but if there is no hope, then what do I have left?
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Old 23rd January 2017, 10:38 AM   #41
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I texted the wife today. Told her if she wanted that lifestyles she became customer to when I deployed, to go ahead and file for divorce. Base does it free, so I'm shifting my mind frame on taking care of me and the kids. It's hard to just forget about my marriage but if she isn't trying to make it work, I can't do it by myself
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Old 23rd January 2017, 11:42 AM   #42
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I guess I'll play the waiting game and see if she comes back and if it's meant to be or not. I already sought legal advice just in case it goes that right butbin my heart I hope it all works out for the best
She is definitely dating other men.

Are you financially supporting her OP?
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Old 28th January 2017, 4:47 PM   #43
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Hi Military Man, what is the update? Hope you are keeping things together. It is a terrible time and I guess you are going through hell fire. Hope it all works out well for you in the end. Live well. That will rouse the interest of your wife in you again. Warm wishes.
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Old 28th January 2017, 5:05 PM   #44
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I texted the wife today. Told her if she wanted that lifestyles she became customer to when I deployed, to go ahead and file for divorce. Base does it free, so I'm shifting my mind frame on taking care of me and the kids. It's hard to just forget about my marriage but if she isn't trying to make it work, I can't do it by myself
Why don't you file? It's the quickest way out of limbo either way. Putting your life and future in her hands is the worst thing you can do.
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Old 28th January 2017, 7:02 PM   #45
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UPDATE: it's been 18 days since I been back. Found out she is still talking to her "Friends" as I still own the phone account. She said that he doesn't want her and that he is just a friend, that it's my problem. So I ended up calling Verizon and switched her phone off my plan. I revoke access for her to use my GI Bill for school. I additionally asked if she wanted to go through a mediator to process the divorce, as this will be cheaper for both of us. I told her that she was the one who refused to reconcile or attend Marriage Counseling and that I was tired of being dissed and thrown to the side. She can talk to her friends but can't even talk to me. Just waiting for her to respond back.
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