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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 15th January 2017, 5:32 PM   #16
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I don't think much of her showing the kids such a terrible example by having sleepovers in the home of a man who is married, while his wife is away.

That's damn awful involving your kids in your affair, knowing they're old enough to communicate and understand. She's not a good mother for doing that.

Her threatening a restraining order is just unnecessary. To prevent any false accusations from her, avoid being alone with her from now on.

You need to only communicate regarding the children and file for divorce. It's over.

You did mess up by betraying her twice and you can't really just expect to be forgiven a second time. She could have left after the first time really.

That said, I'm appalled at what she's showing the kids is okay with her MM. It's no wonder so many kids grow up to be confused with their mothers and multiple men.

You can always hire a PI to get proof of the affair and show his wife. That'll shut the affair down once it has some light on it.
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Old 15th January 2017, 5:59 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
You can always hire a PI to get proof of the affair and show his wife. That'll shut the affair down once it has some light on it.
^^^ This.

I am sorry to hear how your are feeling. Its understandable. But the sooner you start taking steps to move on, the better you will be.

Best wishes.
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Old 15th January 2017, 7:01 PM   #18
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Right before I went on deployment in April 2016, my wife caught me messaging another female on the phone.

The last year, she was in school and hanging out with her friends and became really distant to me, almost like a roommate so I done that stupid thing to get attention and it was totally wrong and I admitted that.

We talked through it and I thought everything was good. I left 2 weeks after that on a 9 month deployment overseas.
The problem here is that you cheated on her and you left after 2 weeks thinking the problem was solved, leaving her to sort out her head on her own, she then became totally disconnected from you.
Read some of the stories of the betrayed spouses on here.
No-one gets over their husband cheating on them in 2 weeks, it usually takes 2-5 years, for some it takes decades...

Along comes Mr Classmate and she being in a very vulnerable state and probably hating you for betraying her, connects with him, leaving you out in the cold.
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Old 15th January 2017, 7:26 PM   #19
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It looks like all you guys were right. She's not tell me she had an affair but she definitely has guys over her house. The way she talks to me now is very callous. She's more concerned about her friends feelings than mine. It's a shame because this guy is married but he's always over My wife's house. My wife made it clear to me that she's wants a divorce and that she's done with our marriage. She said all she's focused on now with school and the kids and then she's not concerned about our marriage. So that's telling me that she's done with everything

You need to tell the OMW ASAP for any chance to kill the affair.
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Old 15th January 2017, 8:27 PM   #20
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I remember back in college I broke up with a girl. She was really into me, begged, pleaded, called me all the time wanting to get back together. All that did was make me more disgusted by her. Then one day she just stopped. A couple months later I started missing her again... but I never went back, I was done.

Moral of the story:

- you can't do anything to bring them back
- you can only do things to push them away even farther
- even if you do everything right there still is no guarantee they'll come back

Hurry up and divorce her. If you get to 12 years she will get half of your retirement for life!
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Old 15th January 2017, 8:39 PM   #21
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So why hasn't she divorced you if she doesn't want you anymore?
Is it the military benefits?
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Old 15th January 2017, 10:55 PM   #22
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So why hasn't she divorced you if she doesn't want you anymore?
Is it the military benefits?
Good question Pop.
Popsicle likes this.
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Old 16th January 2017, 1:44 AM   #23
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Why is she preventing you from spending time with your children? She can't do that! You are their father! Threatening to get an RO against you isn't a wise choice seeing as you two have children to think of. What's wrong with her?!

File for divorce. Get a good lawyer and make sure you get shared custody.

Your wife has moved on emotionally.
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Old 17th January 2017, 9:28 AM   #24
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UPDATE: I ate dinner with my wife's mother yesterday, because she wanted to see the children. And she told me that My wife told her that she didn't want to divorce or go to that extreme but she just needed some space, after she already told me it was done. She told both her mom and dad that she's not saying it's over but she needs space. I don't know what to think about this because she's already told me it was done. Is there still a chance?
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Old 17th January 2017, 9:41 AM   #25
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UPDATE: I ate dinner with my wife's mother yesterday, because she wanted to see the children. And she told me that My wife told her that she didn't want to divorce or go to that extreme but she just needed some space, after she already told me it was done. She told both her mom and dad that she's not saying it's over but she needs space. I don't know what to think about this because she's already told me it was done. Is there still a chance?
I would take what your wife is saying to you as what she means. Sometimes when we hear things through third parties, it isn't how she really feels because she may fear to tell them (especially her parents) for fear of judgement or making them upset.
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Old 17th January 2017, 10:44 AM   #26
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UPDATE: I ate dinner with my wife's mother yesterday, because she wanted to see the children. And she told me that My wife told her that she didn't want to divorce or go to that extreme but she just needed some space, after she already told me it was done. She told both her mom and dad that she's not saying it's over but she needs space. I don't know what to think about this because she's already told me it was done. Is there still a chance?
She is living the single life and screwing other men, what more do you need? As for what she told her parents, well she just does not want to admit how bad she is to them. Take her at her word. File. If she is not done with you that will be a big shot across the bow, and get her thinking she must stop her actions now.

Divorce her.
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Old 17th January 2017, 10:57 AM   #27
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I would take what your wife is saying to you as what she means. Sometimes when we hear things through third parties, it isn't how she really feels because she may fear to tell them (especially her parents) for fear of judgement or making them upset.
I agree her parents are probably telling her to give her marriage another chance and she will not want to disappoint them by telling them all the gory details. She tells them what they want to hear.

Her mother may also want to give you a chance, so she may be trying to raise your hopes so you do not give up. YOUR wife may indeed be telling the mother there is no hope, but her mother may not want to believe that, so puts her own spin on the situation.

If your wife is saying to you, she is done, then you have no option but to believe her.
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Old 17th January 2017, 12:02 PM   #28
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Friend, believe her actions not what your being told by her parents. Sounds like your being fed crumbs to keep you around as her back up plan in case her boyfriend doesn't commit to leaving his wife. It was fun for him when she was his piece on the side but she's now putting pressure on him to step up. Your wife has baggage(kids). It won't take him long to figure out what divorcing his wife will cost him. Last thing he wants is poverty and more mouths to feed, that's too much reality. POS like him are about sneaking around and getting porn star sex from safe married women, loosing everything isn't part of his agenda. My guess is she's now sensing this and is trying to keep you in the picture until he commits.

You need to expose him to his wife(don't let your wife know you are going to do that, just do it, it is still the number one way to kill an affair), the sooner you do that the sooner reality hits and the sooner your wife will be under the bus. Talk to a lawyer, seek out resources available to you through the military, get yourself into independent counselling. You need to switch from reacting to her actions to taking control of your own future, a future that may or may not include her. Taking control makes you look strong and that is a desirable trait, playing the pick me dance gives her control and makes you look weak and that is an undesirable trait. There are things worse then divorce, sharing your wife with other men is one of them. Do not let someone that makes bad decisions decide the fate of your family. Get yourself a VAR(voice activated recorder) and carry it on you anytime you are near her. Google the "180" and make it your new mantra, you need to distance yourself from her while you take control of your life. Sorry you are going through this.
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Old 17th January 2017, 12:28 PM   #29
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My suggestion is to go ahead and file for divorce as she has had all the space the globe can provide and you see where that got the marriage. I would also let her parents know that she has been cheating and even more, let you know while you were deployed.

If you wife is being honest about not wanting a divorce, it is only due to the benefits she is entitled to as a military wife....btw, who is funding her current lifestyle?

One serious question for you....please really think about this: Why would you want to be married to someone like her? Please don't go to the "Because I love her". She has literally kicked you to the curb and threatened you with a RO if you come around.....I know this is not what the military taught you as to how to conduct yourself. Let her go and focus on being the best parent you can possibly be.
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Old 17th January 2017, 12:44 PM   #30
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I believe what she told her parents, I bet she doesn't want to divorce. What she wants is for you to just disappear while she test drives the new guy. If it works you're out, you for not then you're back in play. You have been downgraded from spouse to just an option, a backup plan.

File for divorce, it's the only way you will know her true intentions, but more importantly it's taking control of your life and future.
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