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Total Mess!!!


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Hi everyone. I have never posted on a forum about personal stuff.

 

I'm at my wits end and also fearful. Been married 8 years, during that time my husband worked maybe 2 years.He does nothing around the house, he won't even pick up his own laundry and put it in the hamper. All he does from the time he wakes up (noon)until 5am he sits in the game room playing video games on the computer. He has emptied my savings account (110,000), destroyed my credit, got me in debt.

 

He is very controlling, moody hates when I tell him we can't purchase not needed items we dont have the money. Just today he contacted a person and offered to buy a movie projector for 4250.00 , which will deplete the checking account and bills are coming due.

 

In the past we have fought many times about him not working, it's not he can't get a job he doesn't want one...the few times he had one he quit them within 2 months.

 

When he doesn't get his way (his anger is horrible) I have had him dig his nails into my arm, shove me, pick me up and throw me, he has slapped me, purposely hit me with a cell phone, slugged me in chest, slapped me, threw a plate breaking in against my head.

 

I have told him I want him to leave and I want a divorce. He tells me the house is his too and he isnt leaving and to try to make him and see what happens. I purchased this house before we were married and he contributed nothing to it.

 

Furthermore he refuses to leave and says things to be taken as bodily harm threats.... he doesn't come out and say it...but what he does say means exactly that...after being with him for 8 years I know how he is and how he says things without actually verbally threatening.

 

I need help. I see no way out of this. Was laid off from my job of 23 years when I got hurt on the job...now my temporary disability was taken away from that employer, so no income at all.... maybe I should just take these 160 500 mg pain pills I have saved up....I really just feel it is time to throw in the towel and give up on life....to hard...to impossible...to unfair.

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My Dear, Nobody deserves to be treated like that EVER.

You must plan a way to escape this abuse without taking pills.

I'm not a holyroller but,

JESUS LOVES YOU, bring him into your heart, ask him for help!

Reach out to family or friends, you need support and you need it right now.

 

Search for the peace you deserve!

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Go to a woman's shelter ASAP. You feel like leaving is impossible because you haven't looked for outside help. There are agencies that will help you. The woman's shelter will point you in the right direction. The house and other assets will be sorted out in the divorce. He is making your life a hell on earth. Please seek outside help. He is not worth taking those pills, don't let him rob you off your life. Just leave! Once you take that step it won't seem so hard.

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There is so much wrong with your first post that I can even begin to address it all. Make an appointment with a lawyer, asap.

 

Deplete that checking account before he does and open one up in your name only.

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It sounds a lot like you're married to my XH. I would consult a lawyer to find out your options. In my area consultations were free.

 

If you are the breadwinner, outside agencies might be a dead end. I found that since I had a decent income I couldn't get any useful help out of any of them.

 

FWIW, I felt like I was slowing being killed from the inside. It was a difficult first year to deal with him, the divorce, the adjustment, etc. but I am such a different person now. I like this new person so much more and my life is so much better now.

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If he is as lazy and broke as you say then he won't make the effort to fight for your house.

 

Kick him out, call the police next time he assaults you. Change the locks and file for divorce.

 

You will be more than fine alone, you will be better than you are with this useless ass.

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He has emptied my savings account (110,000), destroyed my credit, got me in debt.

 

The first $10K is on him but the responsibility for anything after that is on you. Same with the physical abuse. Not sure why you don't believe you deserve better than this.

 

Hope you get help and find the strength to stand up for yourself. No one should be treated as you have been...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Jersey born raised

Good afternoon ToMuchPain,

 

To start I am a BS. I discovered the adultery unknown to my exWW and did not confront for several weeks. Shorty there after while in a state of absolute numbness and despair I stray thought occured that shattered this state and allowed me to move forward quickly and descisively. I will not be a Fing cliche!!

 

Is this your first post ever on this subject any place ?? Years ago I tried to help someone like you. At one point a called a well know locate woman's shelter and asked for advise and begged them to intervene. They would not. Why? Because the victim had to take the first step to them. That's all the first step and call them and then physically come to them. How easy call and drive over? I was told until this occured to help was to enable the abused person to stay in the abusive relationship.

 

While true, this was a bitter pill for me to swallow. I told her you have my phone number, you know where I live, you know where I work. Call me and I will take you to the shelter. Do not call for any other reason. Several years later I did move out of state and have no idea if she had found the strength to end the abuse.

 

I post my experience for two reasons. If you are "shopping" for people to hold your hand sooner or later they will stop leaving you feeling abandoned. Second to shout at you you must reach out not to share but to get out!!!

 

Call a shelter and friends and then call a cab. JUST GO!!!!

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Honey stop telling this scum bag what your going to do, and start doing what your telling him. Get out ASAP.

 

He's not the one, the best days of your life haven't even started yet.

 

Keep posting. Hug..

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