Divorced...sad...curious...happy...good riddance...

[user1237]

Hello all,

 

I'm a recently divorced male who was a short lived marriage (6 mths) with a woman I dated for nearly two years. The marriage breakup was a series of tragic events, and ultimately one tragic event ended it.

 

She somewhat forced me prior to finishing graduate school to marry me (largely because of her parents (mother) too). She comes from a conservative household, where she studied (she went a top15 undergrad, and currently is a doctor at a prestigious hospital's residency). She did not have really any relationships (one or two, the longest being 3 weeks), she was shy, short, chubby, somewhat cute, and very nerdy all her life. Her household is broken (uncles and aunts do not talk to one another, they and her grandmother didn’t come to our wedding (they lived nearby), her parents try the best at appearing together, but are always working to stay away from one another (her father took a second job to avoid his wife and her religious friends)). Her family has a history of divorce. When in dispute, they do not talk to one another (currently there are siblings in her family who live houses away from one another and haven’t said a word to each other for at least 6 years). We are both the children of first generation immigrants. We are both from the same culture and as are both of our parents. She never dated; prior to me she dated men from other countries, short, and from the same religious sect as her. She converted to another sect largely due to peer pressure (I believe) from her only friends in life (which she met in undergrad). Her siblings went to prestigious universities, and her sister hasn't had a relationship in a decade and still holds onto her only relationship (in fact she wasn't willing to even see her only bf’s wife at local hospital even though the wife has no idea who her sister is to her husband (it had been at least five years since they spoke a word to each other)). My ex never had sex (at least what she told me), she drank a little during undergrad (then became more religious, she no longer drinks, but likes the test of alcohol so much she orders non-alcoholic drinks), and was that nerdy girl friends with religious nerds (really doesn’t have much friends outside of her religious friends). Her siblings or father (and much of her mothers family) are not religious. However her mother (recently) and her are religious, albeit different sects of our religion. They do not deal with their problems with family or people in the right way, they run away or brush it under the carpet.

 

I come from a liberal family, I was what ppl in my community perceive as a wild-child (skipping school, grades all over the place, suspensions, and run-ins with the law), i'm tall, dark & handsome, i graduated from a decent undergrad, and finishing up grad school. My family is self-made from a small business background (largely due to my mother and I guiding my father's business from the brink of Bankruptcy too what it is today). My siblings are in great schools, and in great programs. My siblings are tall, dark and handsome. We are somewhat charming. However nice, respectful, and lived a fairly American lifestyle (my ex really lived in the bubble that our culture creates). We dated, had sex, drink, smoke, but we have our lives in order. I have dated two people in my life, the longest being 3 years during undergrad, we broke up mutually. We have various social groups we hang out with (druggies, hipsters, social & fiscal conservatives, liberals, progressive left, etc...). My family has its issues, but we always talk about our problems, and forgive. We are all in businesses so it's part of the mentality (you need a short term memory and let go of personal issues to solve problems). My family is a mix of religious and non-religious, but as I said my parents and my siblings are not religious.

 

During our relationship she was in professional school in another, and her home state. I was in my home state. She would visit me and i would visit her. She would not tell her family she was staying with me (it's a big no-no b/c of the religion aspect from her family, mainly mother, but my family does not care). I would lie to her family that I was in a hotel, but really with her. Her family (mother) put immense pressure on her to marry me in the last 6 mths of our bf-gf relationship. Initially, her family had little idea of our relationship (it was great), and it wasn’t until a year and a half her mother started pressuring her (worried she would have premarital sex with me, but she already had, and then I would leave her). I finally said yes, but told her I didnt make income (i was in grad school), nor was I ready (my parents were against it, bc i wasnt ready due to my income, this is a big issue in our culture, still very patriarchal (my parents are not, but believed and rightfully so that her parents believed in it) & made it known), but willing to take this risk. Her family knew of my family's wealth. Her family were 9-5 ppl (mom didnt work), and lived an organized & responsible life based on her father's paycheck until all their kids became self-made (socially they are all limited). Everything happened so fast, we were married, and soon living in my home town. I soon could see less of my friends (she made it known the ones she liked or didn’t). I ended up stop seeing almost all of them, and would only hang out with her friends. She was always keeping tabs where I was. She made the rules of the house. I was okay with someone controlling my life in the beginning because I trusted her judgment (until the point I realized what had happened). I loved her too, I didn’t care for her status or looks, my enjoyment was the little things (walks together, her staying by my side wherever we went, carrying her into bed every night, cooking together, picking her up from work, introducing her to drugs, and I guess to her a different scene, etc…) Her family would consistently drop in, or ask that we visit them in their home state. My family visited us twice, and lived mins away. I would talk to my parents every few weeks, and my siblings every few days. Her parents (her mom) would talk daily, and her siblings daily. It was weird, she told me they were visiting more in that timespan (of us being married) than they did in her entire four years of undergrad that she went to in my hometown combined. 3 mths in, my family’s business was interrupted & we began to run a deficient (i was unable to help because i was in grad school & married), and my parents stated they would delay the reception for another year (6 mths to 2 years). Her family paid for the cheaper religious portion. My parents were to pay for the expensive reception. We asked to split to two, they said no. We asked to forgo the reception and use the money for a down payment for our home, they stated no and stated there should be a reception and that my family should pay for the down payment too. They didn’t believe that our business was doing bad. So they committed an illegal act of privacy (recorded a telephone conversation). This act was unknown to me until one night (mths later) my ex told me to listen to it. the pressure from her family for this reception was ridiculous, they started demanding more (since i was in grad school and not making money, but she was), my ex and i started to fight about our families (not about money, about each other, but our families), she started to talk more to hers, and i talked slightly more to mine. However, i slipped into a massive depression and was also diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. I was usually anxious, but around her, her friends, and her family i was really anxious. I was on high dosages of anti-depressants. My ex knew this (and had the background to know what was going on with me). When my ex would fight with me (it was always over our parents and this silly reception; i will never know why it was such a big deal for their family... my hunch is that her mother has a stigma attached in their home state community of running her mouth, and often times she gets insulted for it because she is wrong (she probably told ppl that I was really wealthy and we would have a lavish wedding), but who knows), my ex would hit me, she would hit herself, and yell. I never raised my hand on her. I would yell, but i would never say something awful about her, but i did say awful things about her sister and parents. She never said anything about my family (she loved my siblings a lot...my lil brother introduced her to drugs that she had never tried, etc...) except for my mother. The night she told me to listen to the illegal act (a recording) that her family (mother and sister) had committed months before. I did, and i lost it... but I first drove her to work (prior to listening to it). I listened to it (this was a time in which the stress of finals coming up, the families, an anger issue, and my overall mental health issues with myself culminated), i committed an act that i will forever be hurt that i did (tore things up, and damaged our goods in our home). I left the household like that. No one was home. i called her family and told them what i thought of them (my ex told me to never do that because they would come and take her away from me). My ex would get angry from what was broken, but she was angry that I wouldn’t believe the recording. My mother was baited, she said something that could be vaguely interpreted as stating my wife was not as pure as her mother kept making her believe (her family except for her sister didn’t know that we were staying with each other in the same house and bedrooms, my family knew because she would stay in my apartment I had with my brother, and on a my family vacation she did so in front of my uncle, aunt, parents, cousins, siblings, etc…). The real issue was that if I decided to go thru with it denying she said that, then I would alienate my family, and if she were to tell her mother she was sleeping with me, then she would alienate her family. The problem being if I alienate my family its of no big deal, but I would essentially be really disrespectful. If she did, then she could never end up talking to her parents for a while (given how her family was).

 

The next few weeks, we both tried talk to one another (in the beginning she was normal and loving. However, when her mother started to come to live there, then she because guarded & angry). However, in her eyes you could tell that she was in love, scared, hurt, and confused. I live on a life of reading people. I spent the next few weeks after that getting my mental health in order, taking anger management classes (as she requested, later i realized i really needed them), getting in shape (i also gained about 50lbs as a result of this relationship in 2 years, with 25 coming in during a brief marriage, and I lost the 50 pounds as a result), and i did not contact her (even on her bday i didnt wish her happy birthday, petty and I regret it). Finally, after 2 months of this act, she filed for divorce. I had my therapist call her... she told my therapist that she loved me very much, that everything was my fault, she was scared, and would never give me closure (literally said this & rationale bc she knew that is what I wanted). Throughout the divorce I worked on myself, worked thru grad school (then had to stop for personal and family reasons (my family’s business was on the verge of failing), and didn’t really contact her. When I did she would hardly respond, I would ask her to say if she loved me, she said no bc it was what I wanted to hear and I didn’t deserve it, and later I was told to talk to her lawyer only (so I stopped for the most part). Within two months she went on religious matrimonial site, created a profile, renewed her facebook, gained a lot of weight, and a few times she met my friends in public (she tried to seek them out and tried to talk to them, they left her), and I completely did not talk to any of her friends (left all forms of social media). I was not looking for anyone to date, I was working on myself (my mental health, and physical). I also felt that she needed a support system of her friends. If I involved myself with them it would help her or me. I started reconnecting with friends. I felt she was doing what her mother did to her father when she was young (her mom filed for divorce, and within months her father came back, I think it was for the kids, bc those two act like they are divorced, my wife plenty of the times alluded that her father could leave her mother whenever). She finally took down the matrimonial site (I believe she found the guy she is currently with), and dragged the divorce for months. She wanted me to pay a pseudo-religious contract (fyi, her mother & her (both religious) did believe in this, and her father (not religious, gambles & drinks) did). She refused to want to sit in a room with me or with our attorneys together to talk to one another to repair our marriage. She would not look me in the eye ever during this divorce experience. Even if we were in a room together, she looked down and away. She would forge contract after contract to make it seem like it was one religious contract. Mind you that she was making the money, and I was not. I did not want any money from her, I wanted to split everything down the middle, but she wanted everything. Finally, after almost a year, and my third time asking for a settlement she agreed to try to settle. I gave her a small amount, the gifts, and didn’t ask for anything from her. I just wanted out because it was going impact my future. I could’ve kept it going, but it was not worth the finances, my health, and future. Prior to the finale of the divorce I texted her if she wanted to talk, she said that she would like to after the finalization. I texted her if she wanted this (I know it’s a little too late), she said yes, and then said we will have nothing to talk to about after the divorce so once again only talk to her via her attorney. On the divorce day my emotions were running high, once again she refused to sit across from me, talk to me, and look at me. In fact, we sat in a room together for a few mins, I asked her questions she would not look at me, she would look at the table, and then she decided to move chairs. So I stopped. I saw her months after that at a concert… she was with her guy, she decided to walk right past me (she could’ve used multiple exists), she didn’t look at me, her guy (at the time I didn’t know it was him) didn’t look at me, but her friend stared at me the entire time as she passed by (I did not contact her or run after her). My friends were outside they saw her, they said she was walking pretty quickly out. I guess not looking at me can be interpreted at (trying to move on, ashamed of me, herself, or disgust, or sadness… although I figured when ure with someone (like she was) at that time it is empowering so she should’ve been looking at me). I think a big part of the reason for this divorce was that her family is obsessed with money, and they saw that I was in it for the money (it was obvious I was better looking than her). However, I never asked, nor did I take from her. I gave her everything I had (even the joint money in our savings accounts, all the wedding gifts, and like I said the additional small amount of money). A business background teaches you how quickly you can be rich or poor, but those relationships are important.

 

A couple of weeks ago I learned my ex was dating someone (the guy at the concert). After a platonic girlfriend did some snooping for me (I didn’t ask her, she just did it, she’s a curious type), it seems like she has been with this guy during our divorce. At first I was happy for her, angry and hurt. I’m not the jealous type (generally). However, I saw a picture of the guy because my girlfriend said you need to see this. Apparently the guy is a guy with my height, nationality, build, and similar facial features. My girlfriend said he looks like a really ugly version of you. His family are fanatical religious folks (they even have issues with my ex’s sect, but they will acknowledge my ex because of her status). My platonic girlfriend knows friends who are friends with that family. She says that those friends are very fake religious ppl (promote religion, but drink, have sex, gossip about everyone, etc…). The guy seems very passive, content with a 9-5 career (my ex wanted someone motivated in their career), and religion is important to him (I had told my ex, I would work on it, although it was obvious I was trying I wasn’t really interested I just thought it would be helpful for my children to have solidarity in my house). My girlfriend sent me a picture, and he was wearing a similar suit color, tie, and shirt as me as in our wedding (my ex and I’s) at my ex’s bf’s wedding. Everyone in the wedding was wearing black or navy suits. Which just seemed so weird to my girlfriend when I told her she thought again she was essentially dating the uglier, easier to be controlled and passive version of me. The guy seems genuine, but the family she is marrying into scares me. Unfortunately my ex is a grown person, and it’s not my business. Prior to this I was no contact for while (had not texted, called/ emailed her in 7mths, I contacted her once in five months after divorce), but I broke the no contact (although no direct communication with her, but I did fb stalk her and him as a result (hence breaking no contact). It’s just strange how she moved into a relationship (although she is religious) with someone else that looks similar to me, but carries a religious viewpoint & likes similar things to her. Most of her brief 1-2 week relationship with guys she looked for before me were different cultures, various heights (mostly shorter), builds, religious, and not like me. It made me jealous and curious. I was the first guy from our respective cultures that she dated. I was completely different from other guys, and her current guy. After that emotion, I was happy for her, but felt bad for her (jumping into another relationship before any of the wounds healed, a little angry she kept the divorce going while dating this guy, and wouldn’t end it until I kept asking for a settlement). Maybe this is what she did to move one, but in my personal experience this is never healthy (hs, college, mid 20s, etc…) especially even more so in marriages (at least I believe). Yes, this relationship can grow, yes he can patiently work on her mistakes, but who will know. However, one needs to process emotions prior to relationships again.

 

I have since learned my ex is limited emotionally (never developed it because she was busy studying), from a broken household, potentially bipolar, controlling, and narcissistic. My therapist (a female from the same religious and similar cultural background) said that ppl who tend to blame others for everything tend to be the problem themselves. She said she will have to help herself, and will probably never do so (largely bc she is so brilliant career wise, she feels she does not have issues) except continue this ball of issues onto the next victim. My therapist when she saw the pictures of the guy says this is an example of someone recreating her last relationship (with me) however using a surrogate that she can control the outcome more this time. She said she holds the closure, will feed off me contacting her (im not blocked by her or no restraining orders) because it gives her the attachment, and more importantly control. She said this is example of being her first love, it will never go away, and it is likely she still loves me, but pride or her mental health issues are preventing from expressing it the right way hence this guy, future guys, or other actions. She said she’s seen woman in these relationships after years, decades, divorces, and kids later finally reach out to their true love. However, the question is when, and sometimes the answer is never, but they carry this with them all their lives. It also takes courage because of potential rejection in reaching out. Usually to get to that question, they need to seek mental health, and when she asked my ex to come in for a private session she said no. She told my therapist she doesn’t need help. She also said sometimes they carry it as a form of self-deprecation that they did not value the great version, so they are with the lesser version (her religion has a lot of this self-deprecation elements). Most of my friends & family (I know biased opinions) believe she’s not over me, and this is not a healthy way of moving on. They also do not like what I am doing, they are right to a certain point that I am moving on slowly, but I’ve made great progress from the fragile state I was in. I’m finally in the acceptance, and genuine happiness for her stage. A lot of people point out to her lack of relationships, coping mechanisms (hitting me, hitting herself, and eating), and family problems as a result of a stunted emotional growth. My ex is also a timeline girl (wants to be married before a certain age, kids at a certain age, etc…). So, I believe that she has strong & geniune feelings for this guy, and this is the guy for her (personality is easily controlled & similar interests). It’s just amazing how one could end up with a similar guy physically (hes skinnier than me, but I was skinny before meeting my ex), and move on in the midst of a divorce while continuing the divorce, not giving closure. She was vulnerable looking for any affection but mine. This guy did not have to do much to get it, but he’s superman. I’m sure she mentioned I was abusive, and will act like she did no wrong.

 

I love this woman... i guess this is my way of writing that final letter (written, but not directed to her), and or releasing my part of the story. However, the last few weeks i've come to the realization that i'm happy for her like I said earlier. The last few months i realized this was someone that i needed her in my life to help me grow (unfortunately for her, and fortunately for someone else). I have come out of this divorce, happier, more sure of myself, not angry anymore, realizing i had a problem (anger) & need to control it (i do, i have had similar episodes, but i've subdued that anger), ended up joining the family business again (stalled the grad school for a bit) & ive helped it grow positive, I’ve helped the business a lot (I stopped a bad multi-million dollar deal from happening), I made a few decisions that saved hundreds of thousands, and invested in a few other sources of income that will help the business become even more successful. Now, back in grad school, and managing parts of the business. I’m in great shape mentally (the depression is gone, in check & ive worked a lot on my anxiety) and physically. I have a lot of women around me (platonic, fwbs, and etc…). I’m training for triathlons, and will take up dancing in 6 months. I’m back with my old friends, and new & different ones. I’ve been proposed to twice in the last year. I’m keeping my brothers in check during their difficulty in grad school and competitive undergrad programs. I know some (maybe all) of my opinions are biased and definitely not true for everyone (or what happened). Again, I just needed to do this (my last real release of everything, my letter in a way to her), and I want anyone’s opinion (the good, the bad, and the ugly… most opinions have value). I know this will open pandora’s box (i.e. you’re crazy, get over it, its over, you need to work more on yourself, who do you think you are, etc…) However every situation is different. I sometimes wonder if things were different if I had finished grad school, started the takeover of my family business, met her then, and was confident not to get subdued by the people around me. I wonder if she thinks of me when she’s with him, in her thoughts, alone or with friends, and I hope she’s happy, not angry. Most importantly I do not wish this experience upon anyone (what I or she contributed). I’m sorry if I rambled, seem to gloat, I look selfish, typos & punctuation (its just raw emotion), or this seems like a sad way to release. I just need this. It seems my ex has moved on, and I will eventually do so (albeit slower).

 

Thoughts on this relationship, thoughts on her new relationship, thoughts on me, and how first love in tragic unfinished situations usually end up? How to move on further? I know to move on I need to go further in no contact (the recent fb stalking was a relapse, it will not happen again), to date (I’m), find others (I’m), find healthy outlets (I workout, and train for triathlons), and to find closure where one will not give it to you (my therapist said to talk to a pillow (who will represent her, and I should respond for her to questions I ask in the way I want to hear it). This relationship was not simply me damaging it… it was her damaging it too. I will never deny, and strongly feel sad for my actions that contributed to it. I feel at times I was 60%-100% at fault, but my ex says it was completely my fault.

 

I think I heard this somewhere… love unfinished is poetry because we will never know what could’ve been, and within that poetry lies the love, anger, and emotions one will miss or never know. It’s better than a finished version because there will be an concrete ending. Maybe this was the finished story, time has an ability to change perception of relationships and the story. I feel this is appropriate for my relationship (we didn’t break up directly, maybe we weren’t strong enough to handle our families, ourselves, pressures of the community, etc…). I wonder in the words of the great frank ocean, ive been thinking of you, do you still think about me too will always be my thoughts when they come up again about her these days while I’m smiling thinking of the good (and frown about the ugly).

[Downtown]

User, welcome to the LoveShack forum. I'm sorry to hear that your brief marriage was so painful.

 

I have since learned my ex is limited emotionally, ...from a broken household, potentially bipolar, controlling, and narcissistic. A lot of people point out to her ...coping mechanisms (hitting me, hitting herself, and eating), and family problems as a result of a stunted emotional growth.

Perhaps so, User. Perhaps she exhibits strong bipolar and narcissistic traits. That is not what you seem to be describing here, however. Rather, the behaviors you mention -- i.e., her repeatedly hitting you, her self harming by hitting herself, her lack of impulse control, and her verbal abuse are warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Moreover, both the impaired childhood environment and her "stunted emotional growth" are far more strongly associated with BPD than they are with bipolar or narcissism.

 

Thoughts on this relationship? How to move on further?

If you're determined to know what you were dealing with when married to your exW, I suggest you obtain a second opinion from another therapist -- ideally, from a clinical psychologist who is very experienced in treating folks with personality disorders.

 

Regardless of whether your exW exhibits strong BPD or bipolar traits, it is important that you avoid running right into the arms of another woman just like the one you left. I therefore suggest that, while your looking for a good psychologist, you learn how to spot the warning signs for both disorders.

 

An easy place to start reading is my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description of BPD traits sounds very familiar, I would suggest you also check out my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs and my more detailed description of them in Rebel's Thread. If those descriptions ring many bells and raise some questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exW's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- and may help you decide whether there is sufficient reason to spend money on obtaining a second professional opinion. Take care, User.

[VeveCakes]

I think whatever happened was not good and your ex has decided she doesn't want to be with you and that she is starting a new life.

 

I know that is hard to accept but her life now is her life. It doesn't involve you anymore so I wouldn't worry about who she is dating etc.

 

Focus on yourself and healing from this. You seem very stressed, do you have anyone to talk to?

[Just a Guy]

Hi user, well... Wow, a solid wall of angst and regrets. It seems you have not been able to get closure in the divorce with your wife and neither are you over her. You have repeatedly mentioned culture and religious sects in your post. Can you elaborate what culture you are referring to and what religion do you and your ex wife belong to? From the way you have written it is apparent that you both are children of immigrants to the US. Whatever your religion may be it is also apparent that it is liberal in some aspects if it allows members to drink and have non marital sex as you mentioned somewhere. I know you mentioned that for all practical purposes it is a conservative and orthodox religion but if its members have that degree of freedom then some aspects of it are quite liberal. That said I should think that in that case your wife should have been a little less repressed than she was. I think you have been given good advice by veveCakes and you should heed it. It is also good that you are working out and are also attending therapy sessions to overcome your shortcomings. It is good that you are training for a triathlon and are also developing interests in various things including dating(?).

 

The common logic on this forum is to show your detractors( read ex) that you have moved on and are enjoying life by living well. Wear good clothes, groom yourself well, work out as you are already doing, move around in a good circle of friends and develop a few good hobbies. If you can afford it get yourself a swanky car and date a few good looking young women. All this will be noticed by people who knew both you and your wife and the message will get back to her. If she tries to re establish contact speak respectfully to her but let her know you have moved on. Let her have the regrets and not you. Lastly, do not regret anything. As you said you needed your ex wife in your life to help you grow. She did her part. Now you do yours. Warm wishes.

[user1237]

@vevecakes Thank you for your response, I sought support immediately from other people besides my therapist.

 

Yes, I have been talking to a therapist for the past two years. I was in good shape throughout the divorce, and immediately after. I believe during the stressful portions (last few weeks) of my life it flairs up (i'm discussing how to deal with that with my therapist), and i believe the issue was what i heard through the grapevine (from a friend of a friend) about her current relationship (it upset me, but now two weeks since this post I'm finally coming to terms with it). Additionally, i have a few girlfriends and friends who have been helping me (sadly, they are forced to deal with this great insecurity, but they've been supportive & i will reward them).

 

I'm currently in that state of having a few days of letting it go, but it flairs up every other day or two. I think in time it will be done away with, and yes it might flair up as they will get married (but that is imminent). I need to sense this pain for future relationships.

 

The support really has helped. I have a different feeling about this relationship today than i did on nov. 21st. the angst has subdued (except for her and there, not as intense as nov. 21st or immediately after), and it's genuine feelings of happiness for her. I just have to ride it out, and i'm once again coming to terms with the lack of closure. I'm seeking it further from within.

[user1237]

@justaguy... brother, I'm Pakistani & Muslim (she's on a timeline & looking to get married). I grew up liberal, but she didn't however she experimented for a little time (alcohol wise). Later, she ended up becoming more conservative (doesnt drink or eat pork). I'm not today nor do i believe i will be in the future (i do believe in the faith somewhat and i definitely believe in g-d). There was a lot of angst. I have been dating a lot, but i'm very busy with work. I'm living efficiently (i'm not overtly materialistic with cars, clothing, etc..., but i do enjoy building my business...), but it's these flair-ups that come up from time to time, and now i am curious of different methods of letting it out or subduing them. I workout generally when it happens. I agree i need additional hobbies, but i'm limited in time with the growth of the business, family, dating, and friends... Hence, why i've made the triathlon training and events my current hobby (i plan to get rid of this in a few years to strictly focus on dance). I'm not the type to boast of my relationships, and i'm very subtle & humble about my relationships, accomplishments, and living well. This is the difficulty i face because it is not in my nature to fight someone who does the exact opposite. However, i believe in time if im living well for myself it will prove to be a stronger impact on my life. Instead, of doing so to please peer pressure, and being spiteful. Living for others in my opinion seems superfluous unless they are dear to your heart (loved one or family).

 

Yes, Vevecakes advice was short, straightforward, and typical, but the best approach. I truthfully hope if in time she does reach out, then i will attempt to resist the urge to go back. Given vevecakes advice, and the type of person my ex is, then it will not happen. This could be a blessing in letting go of her (ik it aids her since i'm not a social media type nor do we have mutual friends & she is quickly in a long term relationship). I'm thankful for your warm & positively construed advice.

[VeveCakes]

Glad to hear you are doing better.

 

It will be up and down for a while but use this time to find yourself and what you want to be happy.