LadyDay98 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi everyone. Has anyone ever engaged in joint activities for their kids, with their soon to be ex spouse during their separation? My husband and I have been separated for 10 months, and in two months, will be filing for divorce. There is zero chance of our reconciling. With Halloween fast approaching, our kids (2-year olds) have been invited to a neighborhood party. Both he and I want to be there for their first party that they are aware of (they're almost 3, and last year, were too young to understand the "dress up" and "party" concepts). But, I am a bit wary of giving the appearance that we're husband and wife since the divorce hasn't been filed/granted yet. (If we were already divorced, I would definitely have no issues with both of us there, but being in this separation "limbo" is giving me pause for thought.) Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi everyone. Has anyone ever engaged in joint activities for their kids, with their soon to be ex spouse during their separation? My husband and I have been separated for 10 months, and in two months, will be filing for divorce. There is zero chance of our reconciling. With Halloween fast approaching, our kids (2-year olds) have been invited to a neighborhood party. Both he and I want to be there for their first party that they are aware of (they're almost 3, and last year, were too young to understand the "dress up" and "party" concepts). But, I am a bit wary of giving the appearance that we're husband and wife since the divorce hasn't been filed/granted yet. (If we were already divorced, I would definitely have no issues with both of us there, but being in this separation "limbo" is giving me pause for thought.) Thanks. i think it's great that you two can work together and see the children enjoying a holiday. the first time for my youngest, i went alone and sat in the back crying. so, you're lucky. over the years we've both gone to almost all the events but i'm rarely alone with him. we don't sit together, he sits with their granny, i'd sit with my mom. i have anxiety about my car being blocked in so i leave early and he takes them to eat/celebrate and brings them home. no one we are dating, sexting or "seeing" is ever involved or invited. i insist. we're up to graduation now. it's gonna be tricky and i think it's gonna be a repeat, me sitting in the back crying and my wasband sitting somewhere else but i'm sure we can pose for pixs and get on with it. if you are both going to be there at the same time, don't wear your wedding ring and don't behave familiar towards him. he's the dad, he's not much else to you. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 If you can get along without much angst, I'd say go for it. Separated, divorced, it doesn't matter. It isn't about you as much as it is about the kids. If the kids will be happier with you both there, then do it. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Keep yourself detached from him but keep it together for kids. It's a balance that you need to start applying from now and do the dance for a long time. It will be difficult / awkward in the beginning but after a while you will get it. Link to post Share on other sites
monnieloves Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi. I’m sorry to hear about your separation/pending divorce. I am divorced so I know what it’s like to attempt some sense of normalcy for the sake of your kids. In my situation we both decided to call it a truce for the sake of the kids during events where we both want to be there. I also found that counseling from my local pastor helped me put things in perspective. I hope this helps you. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 But, I am a bit wary of giving the appearance that we're husband and wife since the divorce hasn't been filed/granted yet. WHO exactly are you worried about...? if you're worried about the kids - to THEM, you having a piece of paper means nothing and it won't make a difference. you're not together - you and your husband - so being separated or divorced... it is all the same to them. sit down with them and explain HOW will the family work from now on. and if you're worried about others - don't be. tell them you're getting the divorce and that it's in the process. there is no difference between you doing joint activities as a separated OR as a divorced couple. the only difference is in a piece of paper; i'm curious as to why you're bothered about this because it seems that you have deeper reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 But, I am a bit wary of giving the appearance that we're husband and wife since the divorce hasn't been filed/granted yet. (If we were already divorced, I would definitely have no issues with both of us there, but being in this separation "limbo" is giving me pause for thought.) Thanks. If you are worried that the divorce decree may be hampered bc you attend a mutual function, don't be. Sleeping together would give both of you an excuse to contest the divorce, but being seen at a mutual children's function does not constitute any form of reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 I’m so sorry about your marriage. While I don’t have much advice or suggestions to offer you, I pray that you and your ex-husband find ways to ensure your children have the best of both parents. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Anyone ever had a truly 100% platonic relationship with an ex wife/husband though? There's always that chance isn't there that one of you will be caught off guard one day, feeling a bit low, a bit lonely and then it all gets complicated? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Hi everyone. Has anyone ever engaged in joint activities for their kids, with their soon to be ex spouse during their separation? My husband and I have been separated for 10 months, and in two months, will be filing for divorce. There is zero chance of our reconciling. With Halloween fast approaching, our kids (2-year olds) have been invited to a neighborhood party. Both he and I want to be there for their first party that they are aware of (they're almost 3, and last year, were too young to understand the "dress up" and "party" concepts). But, I am a bit wary of giving the appearance that we're husband and wife since the divorce hasn't been filed/granted yet. (If we were already divorced, I would definitely have no issues with both of us there, but being in this separation "limbo" is giving me pause for thought.) Thanks. Sure, we did lots of kid activities together- most holidays, kid birthdays, recitals, competitions. Don't worry about appearances. I think it was much easier for our kids that both of their parents were still attending everything and their activities weren't clouded with tension. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 There's always that chance isn't there that one of you will be caught off guard one day, feeling a bit low, a bit lonely and then it all gets complicated? You've never met my ex-wife . I've had a few friend who done the "sex with the ex" and you're right, it rarely turns out well... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyDay98 Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 If you are worried that the divorce decree may be hampered bc you attend a mutual function, don't be. Sleeping together would give both of you an excuse to contest the divorce, but being seen at a mutual children's function does not constitute any form of reconciliation. Thanks everyone. The above bolded is the main reason why I'm concerned. It stinks that there's no precise "manual" for how to manage stuff like this, so I'm very appreciative of the comments. There's no chance there will be any sex or anything, I just don't want to jeopardize the divorce decree; but I'm still interested in sharing a memorable first for our kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Thanks everyone. The above bolded is the main reason why I'm concerned. It stinks that there's no precise "manual" for how to manage stuff like this, so I'm very appreciative of the comments. There's no chance there will be any sex or anything, I just don't want to jeopardize the divorce decree; but I'm still interested in sharing a memorable first for our kids. That's admirable. Well done! Then it's what YOU and your kids may want. Go for it but with low to no expectations of it being "nice" for you. Then if it turns out well. Great. Continue. Everything went just fine doing this with my previous EXH UNTIL the dreaded new gf came along lol. ExWH couldn't attend anything at my house, my family would've eaten him alive lol cheating on me when DD was a baby. But we attended alot of things "together". We did so well. When gf came I still did well (even going to her baby shower after she M my ex lol). But her jealousy grew and grew to an astonishing level. It was nice for DD while it lasted. Pity she can't remember it. Lion Heart Link to post Share on other sites
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