Moose Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Hey guys! It's Moose!! After 3 years I find myself posting on here again... (Warning, LONG read) I've now been divorced from my first wife and mother of our 5 kids going on 4 years. During that time I got deathly sick and found out that I've had hereditary hemochromatosis all of my life, it's reared it's ugly head, and I became symptomatic enough to undergo a liver biopsy and aggressive phlebotomy treatments. I'm now "De-ironed" but it appears that the damage has been done. I have NAFLD, and absolutely NO SEX DRIVE. My doctor suspects that my pituitary gland has suffered as well, and is now irreversible. This is a common condition with people unfortunate enough to have the gene mutation. If I wanted I could pay another $7,500.00 to confirm his hypothesis....but I know what I know....it's my body... While this was all going on, I met a woman that I (thought I) wanted to be my "Rest of my life partner". She was bubbly, smart, great listener and has been through a rough marriage herself, as she recently divorced. She's very attractive, is goal oriented and loved to work out. For the first time in my life I wanted a relationship where sex wasn't in the equation at all. We dated for a year, and in that time she lost her dad, and I lost my mom due to health issues. We were there to comfort each other while going through all of this. She (at the time) lived about 75 miles away so we didn't get to see much of each other. She was a Medical Lab Technician, and in fact....she's the one that spotted my iron overload that led to the Hemochromatosis diagnoses. She wanted to be closer so I agreed that she could move in. (first mistake I think) Her side of the family didn't take kindly that we were, "living in sin" even though we weren't having sex. I felt kind of pressured into marriage, even though she knew of my condition and this would, in essence be a sexless relationship. (There is small chance that my condition "could" improve but is unlikely) She also has a 22 year old son that was active in the military but looking to get out soon as he wasn't doing what he signed up for, which he did. I of course welcomed him into our home until he could get on his feet. He's now an apprentice at a tattoo shop trying to get licenses so he can earn his own money. Now here we are....married, in a sexless marriage and a blended family. (Side note - My daughters moved back in and out, and now back in.) She has went from the bubbly personality to what I feel like is a complete manic depressant, emotional vampire. (sw?) She's constantly coming on to me in a sexual way (even though she knows my condition) then she blows up when I don't (can't) act on it. My kids are disrespectful according to her, they don't raise their kids (my grandkids) properly and she's their "maid". I admit, my girls aren't perfect, they are just are normal young mother's doing the best that they can with what they have. One is a full time student and the other one is looking for a job so she can get back out on her own. To be fair, her son is just as much of a chore to stay after as my two girls, but I've NEVERED complained. I take it as he's a young adult and until he's married he won't fully understand how sitting on a toilet seat full of his pee can ruin a person's day. (one day his wife will let him know) All of our conversations are now one sided about how miserable her day was, how tired she is, and that she needs to find a job where people know what they're doing so she won't have to do all of their work. Everyday someone at work pisses her off, she can do her job better than anyone, and anyone who doesn't work as hard as she does are stupid ignorant people. She doesn't work out any more, and is now gaining a lot of weight. She has completely turned toxic! I literally rush home to make sure the house doesn't look "lived in" to stave off the negative remarks and actions that I know would ensue if I didn't. I walk on egg shells all the time afraid of saying something that might trigger an overly emotional response. Get this, last Wednesday her son walked in the house I've owned since he was 5 years old and demanded that I do something about his mom's happiness before she gets hurt, and if I didn't he would be pissed. Look, I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. But I've learned that feeling this way is not the path to happiness. I do love her, and I do love her son. They've been through a lot, but I can't change them and it's not my job to do so, just as it's not their job to change me. We've talked about this situation before and I tell her how I feel when she tries to pressure me into something I'm not able to do, then makes me feel like a horrid person because I can't. This has happened about 6 times but in about a week or so, she's back at it like the conversation never took place. Halloween will be our first year anniversary, and I'm thinking about ending this toxic relationship. Why do I feel so bad about it? Should I stay in it? And why? Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 You seem to be dealing with an awful lot going on around you, not to mention your health condition. Tough love, kick them all out and let them figure it out for themselves. Life goes by to fast! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 For the first time in my life I wanted a relationship where sex wasn't in the equation at all. Moose, remember your posts from before, you're certainly proof life is a journey! I'm going to assume you discussed sexual expectations in great detail with her before marriage? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 We did. In fact, the minister who married us was in a sexless marriage herself. We discussed this before the marriage and even the day of. We didn't even try to consummate the marriage until a few months afterwards. It was a complete failure of course....but we did try. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Is she open - and are you willing - to pleasure her manually/orally or with toys instead? If she's "very attractive, is goal oriented and loved to work out", doubt the issue will just go away... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted September 20, 2016 Author Share Posted September 20, 2016 I know this sounds bad, but the thought of doing that doesn't appeal to me at all. It's like the furthest thing from my mind, and I'm not sure if I could get worked up enough to try. She knows that I'm not opposed to toys for self pleasuring....man....so much different than how I was just a few years ago! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 I remember you, Moose! I'm curious what *you* get out of the relationship. It all sounds pretty horrible, to be honest... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted September 20, 2016 Author Share Posted September 20, 2016 When we first met I was getting encouragement, companionship, friendship shared goals, we would go out and make fools of ourselves just to see the reactions from people in public. It quickly morphed into what it is now..... I keep up the encouragement, I spend as much time as possible with her because I truly believe that if she felt better about HERSELF she could move mountains! We had another discussion about it last night and I set kind, firm boundaries with her....yet again. We'll see how long that lasts though.... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Moose, welcome back. You are one of the first I got to know on here, and one who gave me many good answers in marriage, religion and life. It is good to hear from you. You have alot going on in your own life let alone taking on another person and her problems. My guess is that you both figured two would make the problems lighter instead of adding more. I know your background and your Christian beliefs. Divorce is not an easy thing to consider and especially since you have been down that road already. Is this marriage that hopeless in your mind? It has been "only" a year. While you are definitely old enough to be rational in your decisions, could it be that this is the first year adjustment period? Do you WANT to stay together? Does she? You said what you get from it, or what you got from it. Now the question is: what does SHE get from it? I wonder if while she agreed that sex wasn't necessary, she may now realize that it truly won't happen. It is one thing to be in love and agree to no sex and truly believing no sex, and another to agree to no sex, but inside thinking, "He is a guy. He really can't think he won't ever want some sort of sex." Will your wife agree to counseling? Do you even want counseling? If you could improve just a few things, do you want to stay with her, or has your love for her diminished enough that freedom is better than fixing? Anyhow, sorry for all of the burdens laid upon you. It is good to hear from you again. I just wish the circumstances were better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Yikes - no advice, can't undo what is done. Yours is a story of caution to the rest. It's easy for everything to be bliss in a long distance relationship. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the lack of being in each other's hair all the time. Marrying because other people are pressuring for it is very rarely a good idea. And I am not sure how a sexless relationship was living in sin. This sounds like the confluence of a number of hasty choices. I am sorry to hear it's not working out - honestly I say life is short, I would cut your losses. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Hi Moose, I remember you. Just chiming in to say I am so sorry you have been ill. Please make your health, emotional or otherwise your top priority. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 She was bubbly, smart, great listener and has been through a rough marriage herself, as she recently divorced. This afternoon I was thinking of your situation, and I remembered that she was going through a recent divorce when you met. Could it be that you were a rebound guy and this relationship progressed too quickly when maybe she wasn't ready for it and/or marriage? Just speculating based on that sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Here is my story, It was eight months my ex left me. I was in a rather depressed state, basically I suffer enormously because of his absence not even think about his daughter or me. I always loved because it is the man of life and I have all not want to start at zero, every time I cry to the point where I could bear. I decided to recover but how? because I do not know what to do just in time, I am always told that the mediums not work on this one to bring a man but I was wrong because I followed the testimony of a woman on one of the forums that a master of Voodoo gods brought back her man in 7 days then I was launched in this adventure to win back my ex. I confirm today that this master of voodoo deities separated my ex and this woman made me come back. I bear this testimony to you wanting to get your ex to contact this master of voodoo deities so that it brings you satisfaction as he has done for me. believe me and try. Here is the email address of this master of voodoo deities: [email protected] From Sandrina Lol! Really? Why would anyone want to "get back" someone who rejected them? Not my idea of a good time or good idea! Link to post Share on other sites
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