Stay with husband or move on

[Abp1284]

My husband and I have been separated for 3 years and we have a child together. To keep this short, we separated because he treated me poorly and drank a lot.

 

In the time that we have been separated, I started dating another guy (we both agreed we were done). My husband also dated but it never worked out. Lately, he's been trying to get me back and really wants to work on the marriage. I have really noticed a huge change. He's really trying to be a good person and a great father.

 

I'm having a very hard time signing the papers because I see the growth in my husband and I also worry about my son going through a divorce. However, I'm in love with the guy I've been seeing for 2 years. It's a feeling I've never had with my husband. He's ready to move in, start a family, etc.

 

I need to decide which direction to go. I'm worried that if I get back with my husband, it would end up a loveless marriage and that it would be purely so that my son would have stability. On the flip side, I feel empty with the other man when my son isn't present because I don't have my son full time. Both men have been extremely patient, they just want me to decide. Any advice?

[Mr. Lucky]

However, I'm in love with the guy I've been seeing for 2 years. It's a feeling I've never had with my husband.

 

Only you can judge if this new relationship would work.

 

But I'd never choose to spend the rest of my life with a spouse I didn't love. While it may seem the right thing to do regarding your son, you will be raising him in a loveless atmosphere surely affecting his perception of relationships and marriage. Don't do that to him and don't do it to yourself...

 

Mr. Lucky

[standtall]

Can't have it both ways. It sounds as if the new guy will be a better long term bet.

[Poppyolive]

Did your husband get professional help with his drinking and abuse? Help with managing his anger(?) How he treated you? Have you seen promises of change before? How many chances did you give? Do you love him?

 

It's a little concerning that you say you love your current partner, but can leave him, just like that? If you do go back to your husband all contact would need to be cut off from your current partner, can you do this?

 

I think you might thinking back to how things were when they were great. If you're thinking about leaving your current partner then maybe you that relationship isn't for you. Maybe having some alone time might be for the best.

[fivegrands]

Divorce is really hard on children. Emotional love will eventually fade away, but the actions of love are what bind a couple together for the long haul. Your husband is showing love in action by making needed changes in order to keep your family together. It might help you to get the opinion of a professional counselor. You can speak with a licensed counselor at no charge to you through Focus on the Family by calling 855-382-5433. I will be praying that you are able to make a wise decision for your son, yourself and your marriage.

[pteromom]

I would give your husband a chance since you are seeing big changes in him. But that doesn't mean you are instantly all-in.

 

I would break up with your current partner. Love or not, you have unresolved issues to deal with first. Tell him that you need to finish either moving through divorce or seeing where it goes.

 

Then - start dating your husband. Don't live together. Start over. See if something builds or not. If it doesn't and you aren't able to rekindle love, or if you notice he is still drinking or he starts being mean, then you are done. Sign the papers and be done.

 

But in the long run, if you CAN make it work and if he DID make changes, it would be better for your child. Oh - and don't let your child know you are dating with an intent to reconcile. No need building up hope when you don't know what is going to happen.