Torn2015 Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Hello I have been married 3 years I am 36 and my wife is 38. We decided to seperate and it has mostly been me with all problems. My spouse is very nice I just lost the spark about a year after marriage oh also we dated one year before marriage. I always had trouble figuring out if it was my anxiety or bipolar that would not allow me to be close to my wife. I have been sleeping in living room for almost a year.I have low patience when my wife needs something explained I lash out and at times called her stupid. She is a nice women and I feel horrible leaving her with no kids when she is almost 39 in couple months. But we went to therapy and I decided if I can't make up my mind and can't fix our problems I need to go and let my spouse move on. I never cheated but I have been attracted to other women and check our women in front of my wife. I feel awful she met me but she admits she stayed in relationship and does not hate me for how things are going. My question is I have an apartment picked out but can't move in for one month. Since we knew I was mo ing out we have not been fighting and do a lot of activities. Even things like going places we have not been before just because we won't be together. Do you think we are getting along better because we know I am moving out? Or if I was not moving out would I be depressed again with no outlook. I am indecisive again and not sure if I should give up I feel bad for my spouse who kind of is just going along with what I want and her heart us shattered. I am not sure I am in love and a wreck. Should I move out and be seperated and see how things go? Sorry typed this on tablet sorry if it sounds like robot. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 IMO, the reality of you moving out has cast a pall of acceptance that the marriage is over. That can inspire a palpable, if temporary, peace. The difficult part is keeping things amicable through the divorce. You folks are still relatively young. Getting this done will allow both of you to freely pursue life on your own terms without reservation. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I think a lot of your feelings now are nostalgic and emotion driven. You admitted you are not attracted to her and sleeping in another room for a year speaks volumes. The dumping is not as easy as some people think. You will miss her and be lonely. But if there are valid reasons to split (and it sounds like there are in your case) you have to stick to your guns and not fall back in only to hurt her even more in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Onceler Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 It is a strange phenomenon - after agreeing to split, things seem to become more harmonious in your relationship. I think there are at least two things going on: (1) one or both of you are relieved to finally be moving on, to see a light at the end of the tunnel - your outlook brightens, and things seem better. (2) each of you begins to mourn the ending of your relationship, and in the process, you remember the 'good times' which makes you see your partner in a better light; you treat them more gently out of empathy. I know that we are going through that now, and it is a real mind f_ck - it can REALLY make you second guess your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Torn2015 Posted July 29, 2016 Author Share Posted July 29, 2016 Your comments make sense I am trying to get in an apartment in one week because I do not want to stay another month. I am driving my wife nuts I keep asking her are you sure we are making right decision and she reminds me that this is what I have wanted for two years. I am glad my wife is being strong and I am certian I will be moving out soon. But it is hard even know I am the one that wanted out I look at my wife and wish it could work but there cones a point where you have to make a decision and stick to it. All of your comments make a lot of sense and help. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Have you always suffered with depression & lack of contentment? Have you had long term relationships or generally dating, cohabiting & splitting-up after a year or two before this? It's well known that the chemical rush of falling in love can only last for a limited amount of time. I'm not accusing you of being a romantic who chases the being in love chemical high, it's just something I'd be really questioning before making a huge, life changing decision like divorcing now. Sorry if I'm well off base & you guys have loads of compatibility issues. Just throwing ideas out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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