I4givehim Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I was explaining to my children that this divorce has nothing to do with them. It is not their fault. Mommy and daddy LOVE THEM equally. We will both be there for them. It's just that we will be doing it from different homes. My daughter then turns to me and asks "if you love us equally why did he do what he did to us??" (Cheated,lied stole $$ ect...) My heart sunk into my stomach. What do you say to that? Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Not much at this point, I'm afraid. The damage is done already. Once the child KNOWS about the adult's actions, there isn't much that can be said to make them un-know. Children do not have the capacity to understand the corruption of the adult life. It is not their place to know what the adults are doing. The problem is not that their father did all those wrongs, but the problem is that they are aware of their father's wrong-doings. All adults do wrong things in life. Every adult is corrupted one way or another--big or small. Adults (parents) do all sorts of wrongs to each other--that's a fact of life. But the only way to protect the child is to make sure they aren't allowed to gather knowledge of these wrong doings. It's so sad when the parents fight each other to death about who's right and who's wrong, it's always the child that pays the price; and even after seeing that, the parents continue to place blame on each other. In the end, each parent walks out holding their heads held high filled with righteous self defensive pride, while it's the child that's caught in the middle of the ugly battle that had nothing to do with the child in the first place. Very sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I was explaining to my children that this divorce has nothing to do with them. It is not their fault. Mommy and daddy LOVE THEM equally. We will both be there for them. It's just that we will be doing it from different homes. My daughter then turns to me and asks "if you love us equally why did he do what he did to us??" (Cheated,lied stole $$ ect...) My heart sunk into my stomach. What do you say to that? It is unfortunate that your child is so aware of her father's sins. How old is she? And how does she know that that is what he did? When children are very young, I think it bad form to vent in front of them or try to influence them to your side of the argument/dispute. Perhaps your daughter is old enough to know the particulars, but that is detailed and could only been determined if someone told her or unintentionally divulged such. Please be cognizant of how your daughter views all this. I would imagine that her father loves her, no? Don't help in destroying what good she sees in her father further. Eventually, naturally, children see who is in the wrong and who isn't... I could be wrong... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I4givehim Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 The OW was threatening to tell the children what their father did. My STBXH felt it was better if he told the children about his A. Link to post Share on other sites
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