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How to Get My Wife Back ?


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DarkKnight0090

Hello ,

 

My wife gone to her mom and after 3 weeks she told me that she won’t come back and she wants to divorce.

 

We didn’t talk on phone after her decision and we had converstation only in viber.

 

And we don’t talk on internet since 4-5 days.

 

After her decision , i told her “ Ok. Come back and we will divorce as soon as possible “ then she said “Why i hurry so much for divorce. “

 

She promised me that she will come and we will talk but she didn’t come back yet. When she gone, she didn't take her clothes, shoes or ext.

 

When we had converstation last time in viber, she told me that we won’t be together as wife and husband anymore but if i’ll change myseld, she will look for it.

 

She always thought that my career is more important than her.

She even changed her family name in FB.

I want to get her back.

 

Problems for her

1- I had bad mood, stress after hard work. (sometimes)

2- I didn’t share time with her as she wanted because of work (but Sometimes)

3- She wanted me search new jop for better financial for our family. But i always searched and i could not get best result for now. I still countiune to search.

4- Not spending so much times for my hobbies and sharing time with her much more.

 

I told her that i can figure out everything.

But we don’t talk since 5 days and she does not write to me.

I want to write her again today.

 

But in which way need i write ?

 

I don’t want to give space so much

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PegNosePete

I'm afraid it seems the horse has bolted and is half way across the paddock. It is definitely too late to shut the stable door now.

 

Meaning, your wife is long gone. It is very much beyond all chance to "get her back". She has made her decision it seems.

 

Now you should stop communicating with her, and file for divorce.

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DarkKnight0090

After her decision , i told her “ Ok. Come back and we will divorce as soon as possible “ then she said “Why you hurry so much for divorce. “

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DarkKnight0090
I'm afraid it seems the horse has bolted and is half way across the paddock. It is definitely too late to shut the stable door now.

 

Meaning, your wife is long gone. It is very much beyond all chance to "get her back". She has made her decision it seems.

 

Now you should stop communicating with her, and file for divorce.

 

Yes i know what you mean and i know it.

 

But when i said her " ok come and let's divorce " . She said " Why you hurry so much for divorce " .. She mean that i hurry after her decision.

 

She said if i'll change myself for something, she will look for it.

 

But i can't figure out what i should do . She was so angry at our last converstation.

Edited by DarkKnight0090
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heartfeltlove

I found this out for myself. You cannot get anyone back by promising to change for them. You can only change yourself, for yourself. It was a hard lesson for me.

Stuck with a husband who was at times friendly and affectionate, but mostly indolent, and self-centred.

 

The problem with my putting him first, always, was that I was basically giving him permission to put me second. So I left him.

He promised me, pleaded and begged me to return, but he never said the magic words."I'm going to change for the better, and do it for ME."

I was his motive, but that would have meant his efforts would have ended, if I gone back, which would have given him permission to take me for granted again.

 

I think you have to look at the behaviour that you know drove her away. You have to decide how much of the you that drove her away, you can sacrifice or modify. Because until she sees your behaviour modifying for good, there is no hope of trying to get her back.

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DarkKnight0090
I found this out for myself. You cannot get anyone back by promising to change for them. You can only change yourself, for yourself. It was a hard lesson for me.

Stuck with a husband who was at times friendly and affectionate, but mostly indolent, and self-centred.

 

The problem with my putting him first, always, was that I was basically giving him permission to put me second. So I left him.

He promised me, pleaded and begged me to return, but he never said the magic words."I'm going to change for the better, and do it for ME."

I was his motive, but that would have meant his efforts would have ended, if I gone back, which would have given him permission to take me for granted again.

 

I think you have to look at the behaviour that you know drove her away. You have to decide how much of the you that drove her away, you can sacrifice or modify. Because until she sees your behaviour modifying for good, there is no hope of trying to get her back.

 

I really want to change myself first of all for ME to make her happy too .

because i understood how was stupid my behaves because of stress ext.

 

What should i ext / write her? Can you give me example . You had some situation as my wife has now .

 

She thought that my career is mort important then her

 

I really want to do everything from my heart.

 

Please give me advices . I can only text her for now.

 

I need to write her today.

 

Please help me for magic words and i'll teach them for myself.

Edited by DarkKnight0090
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PegNosePete
I need to write her today.

No you do not. You need to write to a lawyer to file for divorce.

 

Ignore her silly words asking why you're in a hurry. This means nothing. She has made it totally clear to you that the marriage is over.

 

Please help me for magic words and i'll teach them for myself.

The magic words are "Hello Mr. Lawyer, I would like to file divorce from wife, can you please help me?"

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DarkKnight0090
No you do not. You need to write to a lawyer to file for divorce.

 

Ignore her silly words asking why you're in a hurry. This means nothing. She has made it totally clear to you that the marriage is over.

 

 

The magic words are "Hello Mr. Lawyer, I would like to file divorce from wife, can you please help me?"

 

How can you be so sure ?

 

Don't get me wrong, i'm not against you . I just wonder or you tell me just for telling?

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PegNosePete

Because she has moved out, won't come back, told you she wants a divorce and won't communicate with you.

 

That is a pretty clear signal that the marriage is over.

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DarkKnight0090
Because she has moved out, won't come back, told you she wants a divorce and won't communicate with you.

 

That is a pretty clear signal that the marriage is over.

 

She has not moved out . She just wanted to visit her family and we bought tickets for return ticket too .

 

She didn't get all clothes and shoes with herself. just one or two pieces.

 

I don't know really.

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PegNosePete
She has not moved out .

My wife gone to her mom and after 3 weeks she told me that she won’t come back and she wants to divorce.

Which is it?

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DarkKnight0090
Which is it?

 

I understand what you mean. If she said , she does not want to come back, it means she moved out even if we bought return ticket or she didn't bring clothes with herself.

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heartfeltlove

The previous poster is not far wrong, because when a woman has had enough, you cannot load her up with promises.

I suspect she put up with your behaviour for a long time. She may even have expressed some dissatisfaction, and pointed out to you that she wasn't happy, either through things she said, or her attitude.

How often did you initiate making love with her?

Not 'having sex'. I mean, really sincerely making love with her with total affection, and not as a stress release....? Men do know the difference.

 

When a woman is unhappy with a situation, and I am also thinking of my situation, very often they will bottle up the feelings because they fear broaching the subject. The reason they are afraid, is because the timing is always wrong. They are afraid that an argument will follow, and that the man will snap, get angry, and become unreasonable and not listen. Men who are under stress very often project their stress back at their partners. Again, I am giving you examples of what happened, or what was likely to happen, in my relationship..Women then begin to feel ignored, side-lined and insignificant. There is poor communication on both sides and an inability for the couple to discuss things in a level-headed way.

 

Your wife said she was going to visit her mother. Believe me when I tell you she already planned to end the marriage, and used the visit as her transport out of the marriage. If she had told you she was leaving you and wanted a divorce, would you have let her go so readily? I don't think so. Which is why she used the visit as a cover.

It doesn't matter that she took nothing with her. She is with her Mother. A mother will always feed and clothe her own daughter. She can return to collect her belongings any time she wants, because the Law says she can. Of course, I don't know where you live but your English doesn't sound as if it is your natural tongue. But in most Western civilisation, the Law on divorce is similar.

I agree with the other poster, your chances of getting your wife back are remote. If you file for divorce, she may well agree to discuss the matter with you and maybe back-pedal, but in your place, I would insist on seeing a Marital counseller, if that happens.

However, even though she left to see her mother 3-plus weeks ago, I think in her heart, the love and the marriage died before then.

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DarkKnight0090
The previous poster is not far wrong, because when a woman has had enough, you cannot load her up with promises.

I suspect she put up with your behaviour for a long time. She may even have expressed some dissatisfaction, and pointed out to you that she wasn't happy, either through things she said, or her attitude.

How often did you initiate making love with her?

Not 'having sex'. I mean, really sincerely making love with her with total affection, and not as a stress release....? Men do know the difference.

 

When a woman is unhappy with a situation, and I am also thinking of my situation, very often they will bottle up the feelings because they fear broaching the subject. The reason they are afraid, is because the timing is always wrong. They are afraid that an argument will follow, and that the man will snap, get angry, and become unreasonable and not listen. Men who are under stress very often project their stress back at their partners. Again, I am giving you examples of what happened, or what was likely to happen, in my relationship..Women then begin to feel ignored, side-lined and insignificant. There is poor communication on both sides and an inability for the couple to discuss things in a level-headed way.

 

Your wife said she was going to visit her mother. Believe me when I tell you she already planned to end the marriage, and used the visit as her transport out of the marriage. If she had told you she was leaving you and wanted a divorce, would you have let her go so readily? I don't think so. Which is why she used the visit as a cover.

It doesn't matter that she took nothing with her. She is with her Mother. A mother will always feed and clothe her own daughter. She can return to collect her belongings any time she wants, because the Law says she can. Of course, I don't know where you live but your English doesn't sound as if it is your natural tongue. But in most Western civilisation, the Law on divorce is similar.

I agree with the other poster, your chances of getting your wife back are remote. If you file for divorce, she may well agree to discuss the matter with you and maybe back-pedal, but in your place, I would insist on seeing a Marital counseller, if that happens.

However, even though she left to see her mother 3-plus weeks ago, I think in her heart, the love and the marriage died before then.

 

So i don't need to write her anything anymore even if she said " if you will be changed, i'll look for it " ?

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The_Onceler
So i don't need to write her anything anymore even if she said " if you will be changed, i'll look for it " ?

 

Change takes time, my friend. It may be that you will reconcile in the future - such things do happen. However, if you truly do need to make meaningful changes, you will not be able to do so overnight.

 

It is hard to do, but try to just give yourself some time.

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DarkKnight0090

We made love often and she really liked it so much and i always asked her how she feels after it . I was always gentle with desire.

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DarkKnight0090
Change takes time, my friend. It may be that you will reconcile in the future - such things do happen. However, if you truly do need to make meaningful changes, you will not be able to do so overnight.

 

It is hard to do, but try to just give yourself some time.

 

But i need to change myself as i mentioned in previous answers . Stress, mood ext . it is not so hard for me .

 

If she will come back, i believe that i can do it how i think now.

 

That hurts me so much, i know that she will be happy with me because i'll show love her so much without any stress

even if i will have bad problems.

Edited by DarkKnight0090
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Dear Dark Knight,

 

Text this to your wife:

 

"I love you. My past actions did not show you how much I love you. If you return to live with me, my current and future actions will show how much I really do love you. Please come home, and we will talk about how to show our love better, and how to have more fun with each other, and how to make our lives happier with each other. Please come home, and we will make a plan together."

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DarkKnight0090
Dear Dark Knight,

 

Text this to your wife:

 

"I love you. My past actions did not show you how much I love you. If you return to live with me, my current and future actions will show how much I really do love you. Please come home, and we will talk about how to show our love better, and how to have more fun with each other, and how to make our lives happier with each other. Please come home, and we will make a plan together."

 

I think to produce and compose music track with her name and release it from a label.

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Well.....it sounds like you have failed supporting her emotionally during your marriage. Be grateful she hasn't found it in somebody else. Since you haven't been married long and have no children, most likely there isn't anybody else..yet

 

You need to fight for her...words and letters are not enough...give up more of your time for her...go tell her you have two tickets somewhere and go pick her up...go get a gym membership and go pick her up..if you play or watch sports ...go pick her up. Fight for her with your attention and time...prove it.

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DarkKnight0090
Well.....it sounds like you have failed supporting her emotionally during your marriage. Be grateful she hasn't found it in somebody else. Since you haven't been married long and have no children, most likely there isn't anybody else..yet

 

You need to fight for her...words and letters are not enough...give up more of your time for her...go tell her you have two tickets somewhere and go pick her up...go get a gym membership and go pick her up..if you play or watch sports ...go pick her up. Fight for her with your attention and time...prove it.

 

But for now i can only text her . i can only write. What do you prefer.

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Ideally neither...why can't you go see her? I am sure that your not in the US...does your country have some kind of transportation system? This is best if done in person.

 

You cannot show a major lifestyle change via text or letter...you have to give what she wanted...you.

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