Literally heart broken

[Amparo]

I never knew I could really feel my heart broken. But it feels this way. I'm in the process of divorce with the person I have loved the most in my life. And sadly love this day. I met him when I was married and I cheated on my husband with him.

 

During our 6 years togeather we had problems like no trust cheating on his part. I was always being blamed on. And everything I was going I thought I deserved for cheating on my first husband. But God knows I did it because I loved him. And God knows that i loved him truly. I always felt ashamed of what I did. But I would think that my love for him was real and God would forgive me even though I cant still forgive myself. Like I was saying I always thought I deserved hush mistreatment. But I would think that time would show him.

 

And things kind of did get better after he cheated on me severla times. But things turn for the worst he started blaming me again and cheating again.

 

I de sided to leave him after a night we spent 8 hours fighting he wanted ne to admit I was cheaating. After that he spent a month telling mu family that I was a hore. Couple of months passed and he started begging for forgiveness. I told him that I would not stop the divorce but I loved him so much that I would wait for him to change he was supposed to take therapy. We would see each other sometimes outside the house trying to fix things. He told me that he finally believed me but things changed he started causing me again he went as far as telling my neighbor that I was sleeping with her husband.

 

I got so up set that I de sides to finish any relationship. He started going crazy like coming in the house through the window and going throu my stuff he thought that if I had de sides that I was obviously with some one. I had always been scared of himeth king I was but at that point I just didn't want it anymore.

 

I had had enough 6 years of pain that I thought I deserved. Know he startedtelling his family that he left me because I cheated his family don't want to talk to me. This past week he finally broke my heart. He textend me that he was over me and send me pictures of him with a girl. And this girl was a girl he had denied cheating with. He send me about 10 pictures of them...Which broke my heart because I can't imagine my self with anybody but him. I've come to relize that he never loved me he insultes me when he sent those pictures.

 

I don't txt back I don't answer him he will not get a reaction from me. But inside I'm heart broken I feel terrible I can't sleep and I harday eat. I feel horrible sometimes I feel like I can't breath for so much pain I feeling. I really don't have much friend and the ones I have I don't want to bother with my problems. I've de sided to move on but it's very hard and painful.

Edited July 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs and spacing ~6

[Hamish57a]

You just have to move on, obviously this guy isn't worth all the anguish that you've felt. There are lots of guys out there who will treat you like a Queen. It will take time, every break up is terrible, we all go through them, I my self am feeling very much the same but I have to move forward and learn by the mistakes that have happened. Just imagine the possibilities. Cut off all ties with this fellow and surround your self withy people who care about you and smile.

[FromSunToMoonlitSnow]

As I read what you wrote, I feel like I can almost feel the pain and confusion you’re experiencing. I’m sorry your marriage is breaking up, and for the hurt you’re experiencing. For me, it has been times of deep difficulty and heartbreak that sent me on a search for significance and meaning. I have experienced a lot of healing and progress in my life, and I know you can too. You can get through this, you can learn how to move forward in a way that is healthy and helpful and your light can shine so brightly! You are worthwhile! You have value! You mention God in your post. I believe in God and would like to be praying for you, if that’s ok?

[toastytiger]

Ouch. Yeah, nothing good will come from continuing to be in this toxic relationship. He is not worth your time anymore. Cut ties, move on, seek support from friends/family/therapy. Be gentle with yourself, take time and space -- you will make it out of this!

[Amparo]

Thank you all for replying. I feel better. It's nice to know that there's people out there that would actually take time to read and answer somebody elses problem. And of course you can pray for me. I would really apresiate that and thank you. God has been the only one I have really talked to. I've tried being strong around my family and kids but sometimes when I find my self alone I have dropped to my knees begging God to helped me be stong. Again thank you all

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Thank you all for replying. I feel better. It's nice to know that there's people out there that would actually take time to read and answer somebody elses problem. And of course you can pray for me. I would really apresiate that and thank you. God has been the only one I have really talked to. I've tried being strong around my family and kids but sometimes when I find my self alone I have dropped to my knees begging God to helped me be stong. Again thank you all

 

These people here helped me a lot as well. I feel at peace when I discuss my feelings here. Keep writing about it if you feel down. It really helps you move on You know I cheated as well on one of my ex's. I didn't slept with another woman but did other things that I am not proud of as I am not a cheating person anyway. I believe I was just hurt, like you, that I let my anger lead me to do these things. By no means it justifies the action but what's done is done.

 

What he did is absolutely disgusting sending you pictures of them together and continuously cheating on you. You seem like a good soul just move on and keep on visiting here. I pray too very frequently... I trust God will help me move on and forgive my mistakes. You can feel happy again just believe.

[Amparo]

I feel terrible depressed...I resent ly posted what I was going through divorce. I feel horrible horrible I feel so sad alone.

[girljoe]

Since you are not comfortable sharing your pain with your friends I’m glad you found a place to get support, it is difficult to bear so much alone.

 

I’d like to offer a couple suggestions. First, I’m concerned that you aren’t able to sleep and eat. Your body is going to wear down which can make the emotional pain feel worse. If you make an effort to drink water and to eat a few bites of food every couple hours that will help you physically. Try things like fruit or granola bars. They are small and have lots of nutritional value. About the sleeping, if you go to bed and can’t sleep get up and do something don’t just lay in bed suffering. When I have a problem that prevents me from sleeping I get up and fold laundry or find some other chore that makes me feel like I accomplished something and then I go back to bed. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much but it is better than lying in bed suffering.

 

Second, find someone to talk to. Humans are social; we are not designed to be solitary. This forum is a good start toward helping you work thru this but you need someone to talk to face-to-face as well and I am of the opinion it should be someone with counseling experience not just a friend who will side with you as opposed to siding with him. As you explained you both have things to work through. You referenced God and forgiveness several times so I’m going to assume you are religious. I know that many churches have programs designed to help people in situations like yours. If you can’t find a program like that near you, just call a church and ask to counsel with their pastor. That person will most likely be able to help you find the help you need.

 

There is a wonderful thing that happens to hearts that are broken. When they heal they are stronger and happier than they were before. You will get there, it just takes time so don’t give up and come back to this forum to let us know how you are doing.