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Tired emotionally


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SunnySideUp123

For about two months now I feel like I need to avoid being home, and every day that goes by it gets worse.

 

Some background about the situation :

 

Six years ago, my spouse and I started living together. We each have two children. Currently I have two teenagers (over 16) and he has a preteen and a young teenager.

 

As a couple, we shared common interests (gaming, reading, movies, music, humor & sex). And we thought that we could easily make it work as a family.

 

One of the issues we've had since the beginning is that I feel that we are two parents with children living under the same roof, but that we are not a family (I met his brother twice, but never met the rest; he doesn't like spending time with my family; different house rules for our respective children...).

 

Another issue is that we live in a single house. I wanted a condo so we don't need to spend time keeping up the outside (gardening, mowing, snow shoveling,...), he wanted a house because he doesn't like living close to other people. He won, but we agreed that we would share house chores. Nevertheless, most of the time I (or my kids) end up doing most of the chores or they don't get done.

 

The final (and somewhat new) issue is our current personal interests. Now that my kids are grown up, I want to go out and "experience life" : travel, go to concerts/theater, meet with friends, acquire new skills... He now prefers to stay at home, watch TV and play on the computer at the same time. I am very sociable and love to have friends over, and I love when my kids bring their friends. He hates socializing, so I always have to negotiate before anybody visits. On top of that, these last two years he has constantly declined my invitations to do something together, but it doesn't stop me from doing them by myself or with some friends.

 

So, I told him that I would like for us to live in different houses and only see each other when we feel like it. I explained in detail the reasons for my decision and he finally agreed and we put the house on the market about two months ago.

 

I thought that his behavior would stay the same (or improve?!?), but, no, since the house has been on the market, he becomes more indifferent of my kids, and I no longer have a say with his; he just stays at home like a couch potato when he's not working; we each eat separately, we go to sleep at different times... We have become two families who share the same house.

 

And because we are six people in the house, the bedroom is the only place where I could have some "me" space/time, but not really because we share it.

 

Now, let's be clear, he's not aggressive (verbally of physically), we've never had financial issues. When we talk to each other we are very polite. But there is no more love, not even "like", just indifference on both parts. We have diverged so much...

 

The problem is that all our assets are tied with the house, and neither of us can move away without putting ourselves or the other in a difficult financial situation.

 

I constantly look for things to do outside the house when my kids are out so I don't have to spend time with him and his kids, but at one point I have to go back home. I would love to go on vacation but my kids just started their summer jobs and can't leave and I don't want to leave my kids behind. I'm so tired emotionally...

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You've done a fairly complete job of listing all the things you can't do and the reasons why.

 

Time to flip the switch and think about what you can do. And I'd guess the resulting empowerment would address the emotional fatigue you feel. From rearranging your living quarters to setting a schedule for time alone or together with your partner, there are ways you can control your situation. Glass half full or half empty, up to you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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