Michaelroyale Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Hi every one just need some help and wisdom on how to come to terms with my life at the moment..I still love my wife very much and I take responsibility for the marriage breaking down...For a few years business was difficult and money hard to make I became unhappy and eventually my wife had enough.she stopped trustin and fell out of love with me..A year into the separation while I was living back home she became friends via my son's singing and it's grown in to a physical relationship and says she's in love with him ..He's stepped into my shoes..kids like him and he's round my former house a lot. .how do you cope with this amount of loss I still love her..And don't know what to do its so sad ..I feel totally pushed out after 26years of a lovely marriage...I take full responsibility for the breakdown although I never did any thing on purpose..how do you cope knowing the woman you love is in love and sleeping with the boyfriend it's heartbreaking...any advice would be appreciated. ..... Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 1. She is NOT your wife anymore. She is mother of your child. 2. She has moved on,to which she has every right to. 3. You move on as well. 4. Get into therapy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 You're the father of your kids no matter what. But here's the thing... Beware not to become bitter, grumpy and disgruntled, and don't feel sorry for yourself. Your kids will always love you but they will appreciate you more if you are a solid rock man, who cares for them. Impress them as a man and a father. If you think your status is damaged because of the new Bf, talk to your wife and ask her to beware and to watch that your status will maintain. If she loves her children, she knows the high value of a real father in their life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 You have to do your grieving. Don't resist it. You will go through sadness, anger, and many other feelings that are difficult even to name. Cry your tears and rage against fate. Eventually you come through it and you'll be able to enjoy life again. It needs time to get there. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 Thankyou so much for your kind words and advice ill take on board what you have all said it makes sense... Mike 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Hi every one just need some help and wisdom on how to come to terms with my life at the moment..I still love my wife very much and *I take responsibility for the marriage breaking down...For a few years business was difficult and money hard to make I became unhappy and eventually my wife had enough.she stopped trustin and fell out of love with me..A year into the separation while I was living back home she became friends via my son's singing and it's grown in to a physical relationship and says she's in love with him ..He's stepped into my shoes..kids like him and he's round my former house a lot. .how do you cope with this amount of loss I still love her..And don't know what to do its so sad ..I feel totally pushed out after 26years of a lovely marriage...*I take full responsibility for the breakdown although I never did any thing on purpose..how do you cope knowing the woman you love is in love and sleeping with the boyfriend it's heartbreaking...any advice would be appreciated. ..... *It's not 100% your responsibility. It might be mostly yours, but it's not all yours. Stop telling yourself that it is. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 Thankyou I've never looked at it that way always blamed myself.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Did you move back home? If not, why not, and where are you now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 I've moved to my mums..While the house gos up for sale? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Spend your time fixing/working on yourself. Everyone's right no one is 100% to blame. Be the best dad you can. A must do is go no contact with her as much as possible. You'll get to where you need to be much quicker. Limit your contact to the kids issues only and cut that to email only. Be civil but under the circumstances she is not your friend. You don't need this. Read up on doing the 180. It'll help you to detach much quicker. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 Thankyou I never looked at her not being my friend before.. and I suppose that's the sad truth she isn't even a friend any more, hard to believe after 30years.. Your comments make a lot of sense thanks again, mike 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 spend your time fixing/working on yourself. Everyone's right no one is 100% to blame. Be the best dad you can. A must do is go no contact with her as much as possible. You'll get to where you need to be much quicker. Limit your contact to the kids issues only and cut that to email only. Be civil but under the circumstances she is not your friend. You don't need this. Read up on doing the 180. It'll help you to detach much quicker. ^^^this^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Thankyou I never looked at her not being my friend before.. and I suppose that's the sad truth she isn't even a friend any more, hard to believe after 30years.. Your comments make a lot of sense thanks again, mike YW. Concentrate on you and the kids. It's like having a job but they fire you. Do you go back and help out? Do you still consider them friends? You probably should read the free download No More Mr Nice Guy. Sorry you are here. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 Thanks Marc good advice ill definitely do that..Yes I have to go back to my former home to cut the grass and maintain the garden and maintenance jobs..The house is for sale so try and keep it tip top, I'm hoping once it sells we can move on.have my own house again it's very humiliating living back home with mum in the spare bedroom although she's one woman who's never let me down.. Thanks again I never realised that such kind people were out there offering brilliant advice this as really helped me cope....mike Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Good luck let us know how it's working out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michaelroyale Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 Hi Marc well gone no contact and emailing only about children...just read Robert glovers NO MORE MR NICE GUY and holy crap I do see trates of a nice guy in me...This site as certainly woke me up and how woman can manipulate you when you take all the blame for divorce....For the first time I feel I'm getting a level of power back and self respect kind off getting a little control again in my life..The no contact is certainly a powerful tool very good advice from you all...One last thing the 180 I'm thinking you do completely the opposite of what you're doing now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 Read your post and it bothered me a bit. I'm going to have to be a bit direct with you: NO OTHER MAN STEPS INTO YOUR SHOES!!!. a. He can be your ex or STBX wife's husband or whatever, but that it is it. He will be a STEP father to your kids. That happens all the time in life. Learn about blended families and how they work. You don't get cut out of anything as it relates to your kids. I don't care how much guilt or responsibility you feel for your marriage ending. It takes two. b. He can be your ex wife's new husband. That happens all the time. he can have your shoes there. c. Stop pining over her. You are idealizing too much. It makes for a hard life. Link to post Share on other sites
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