Still waiting for the divorce he seemed so keen to get.

[ShannonBanana]

My STBX hubby wanted a divorce over two years ago and was very eager to break up. I did my best to take it in stride and do a 180. Now we live in different countries and have moved on with our respective lives. Or so it appears.

 

And yet throughout the entire time of our non-contested, no assets or debt division divorce he has dragged his feet at every turn to get the divorce done. Everything has taken so long I can only believe it's intentional. I mean, I know he's busy, but it's not hard to sign the paperwork and send it back. Or to tell his lawyer he'd like this to all be over so that she gets moving on the process. As I said, it's been almost two years since filling; there are no children involved, no debts, no assets to divide.

 

It been over 6 months since we made our agreements (agreeing there was nothing to divide) and he still has yet to turn in the final paperwork. I feel like I can't get rid of this guy!

 

Meanwhile, I'm eager to put this chapter behind me.

 

What's up with the feet dragging? Anyone else go through this?

Edited November 30, 2015 by ShannonBanana

[PegNosePete]

You should talk to your lawyer about what you can do to speed things up.

 

If you're in another country this will no doubt complicate matters significantly.

 

If reasonable progress isn't being made then you can usually petition to have his divorce cancelled and submit one of your own, but this would depend on laws in your country... again see a lawyer for more info.

 

Doing it without a lawyer would be almost impossible I think.

[mystikmind2005]

Perhaps the moron discovered the grass is not greener (big surprise). So he is holding out for an opportunity to come back?

 

I think people who destroy a marriage, then regret it afterward, have no right to be married.

 

Because marriage is not something that should be thrown away on a whim, that goes against the whole reason why marriage exists in the first place!

[sandylee1]

My ex SIL did this. After throwing the divorce word around at my brother he had enough and said fine..let's do it. Then she dragged her feet..took ages to sign things..... bottom line... she didn't want the divorce...but it was too late. He didn't love her any more...The damage was done.

[blomax]

This is very similar to my situation. Some quick background...My wife came to me 16 months ago asking to separate. It came out of "left field", etc. Anyway, I was blind to the fact she was likely unhappy for a long time. The surprising part to me was that she left me to do everything, she put her head in the sand and left me to file, schedule time with a mediator, get the papers in order --- you name it, for the divorce she initiated. When I filed 9 months after she first told me it was my hope of shaking her into truly seeing what was happening. Didn't work (not surprisingly --- it was really my only option to try to regain control of my life). Anyway, it had been 6 or 7 months and nothing was happening. Just living a life of limbo hating my situation every day...

 

So I started putting the ball in their court. I went NC and when she did reach out my mantra was kill with kindness, but be firm. I also accepted I was going to have to do all of this. That it was going to suck, and that I would be OK.

 

You will get through it. It's going to require you to take action. Start doing that today. Stop waiting for him. It's been 2 years. He's not going to wake up tomorrow and do something different. The time for that has passed.

 

If you have any hope, it's the only way to either move on with your life without them, or create some sense of urgency in which they may actually think twice about what they are doing. This is about you. It's about regaining control of your life, your life, and what you want to accomplish. Divorce him. Stop waiting for him to divorce you. He's a coward (I say that nicely!). My point being, he's not going to do the right thing here and own the process.

 

Go speak with a lawyer. Many states have default divorces, that means it takes one person to finalize a divorce, the other is notified of it (and likely means they aren't participating). The part that you need to switch in your head is that you are now divorcing them. So take the necessary steps to do that. Go speak with someone, get a drafted agreement mocked up, send it to him, and give him a timeline to sign it. If he doesn't, then you should already have planned your next step --- likely with a lawyer / in court who will force the necessary legal action upon him.

 

The question is always what do you do next?

 

My advice here is stop waiting. Take control. You will be OK, and feel better for it. I am not saying it's easy. I am not saying it will bring them back. But you will feel a sense of worth, and soon. It will all be over.