Getting a divorce after being married only 1 month

[Kimm80]

Yup, you read the title correctly. We have been together 17 years and have 4 kids together. Back in 2009, when I was pregnant with our 3rd child, and our 10 year anniversary, he met someone online and had a 6 month affair. Of course, he came running back once he realized that I had carried on just fine without him.

 

I have never 100% been able to forgive him for that, and I should have gone to counselling, but I was able to put it behind me and move forward. He swore up and down he would never do this again, and that he has learned from his mistake.

 

So August 1st of this year, we finally decided to get married. It was beautiful. Everything I ever wanted. Well I just learned this week that in July he messed around with a stripper. We were just on our way to look at a house to buy. I had packed my kids in the car and was on my way to pick him up. Then I received the text. I am devastated to say the least.

 

He knows he messed up, and actually wants me to move on so I can find better. I have never been on my own. I don't even know where to start. I'm still in shock, and look at my 4 little kids and pray to God that I will have the strength and finances to be able to do this on my own.

 

Just wondering if anyone out there has a similar story to mine. Would love to hear it.

[TaraMaiden2]

Who sent you the text...? Her?

 

Change your avatar. Being constantly reminded of 'your perfect day' knowing it was anything but, will only pull you down.

 

You've made it in life, this far. And to be honest, you're 10 times the woman he deserves to have.

 

You and your kids are going to be fine.

Make sure you get financial support for them, from him.

He's their father and 100% responsible for his part in their well-being and upbringing.

[Mr. Lucky]

We were just on our way to look at a house to buy. I had packed my kids in the car and was on my way to pick him up. Then I received the text. I am devastated to say the least.

 

Who would send you that kind of information in a text?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Kimm80]

He sent me the text. And your right, I need to change my avatar. It is a constant reminder of that day. It was everything I ever wanted.

[TaraMaiden2]

I wonder what prompted him to confess.

A guilty conscience?

He sure worked a number on you, didn't he?

 

He came running back once he saw you got on perfectly well without him.

 

And you will, again.

He's an habitual liar, cheat and total emotional abuser.

 

This time, when he sees how well you're doing without him, do me a favour:

If he comes running back - don't fall for that again....

[MJJean]

Why did he tell you? What was his motivation for confessing now?

 

As to how this works, it's different for everyone. You don't have the luxury of falling apart because of those 4 babies, so the only thing you can do is hurt and heal while you're moving forward.

 

First, start the paperwork. Once you are living separately, he owes you child support and possibly a share of the bills depending on the state's laws and lease you're currently in. He may also be responsible for getting/keeping the kids health insurance and for all or some daycare expenses, if there are any.

 

The wheels of the state turn slow. Starting the paperwork as soon as possible ensures you have some financial support so that you and the kids don't have to do without. If you later change your mind, you can always stop whatever proceedings you've begun.

 

If you're not working, you'll need to look into either job training and financial support during your training or find yourself a daycare provider (if needed) and a job.

 

You'll also need to open a bank account in only your name if you don't already have one. Divorces can get messy. You need to make sure you have funds he can't touch to take care of yourself and the kids.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself or too soft. You need to function for yourself and the kids, but you don't need to be perfect. Long as everyone is safe, bathed, fed, watered, and in a reasonably clean environment it's all good!

 

I know when you're hurting and depressed while taking care of kids, no less, it's real easy to ignore or put off your own basic needs. Don't!

 

Make sure you are eating and drinking, even if you don't feel like it. The nutrients are important to maintain energy to function and to help you feel more stable.

 

Take showers every day, dress decent, do your hair and make up if you're that kind of girl. Being clean and looking good will help you feel better, too.

 

Be prepared for an emotional roller coaster.

 

And don't fall for his manipulative "Oh, you should leave to find someone better..." bullpoop. He's just saying that crap in an effort to make you feel sorry for him so that he can either A) stay with you with no or minimal consequences or B) leave you with little or no consequences. Neither A or B is acceptable. Severe consequences emotionally and financially are the natural outcome of his actions.

[Kimm80]

Thanks for the advise! And the reason why he confessed is because he contacted an STD. Thank gawd I'm clean!! But I had to go to the clinic totally humiliated and feeling like a complete loser. Married with 4 kids and have to get tested. It was the worst feeling in the world. I'm still in shock. My life came crashing down in a split second. I thought our lives were coming together. And of course he's blaming me for this. It's my fault that he ran to the strippers and kissed her. Oh ya, apparently he only kissed her. Swears nothing more. Pffff. Don't believe him. And the most awkward part is him staying here. He has no where to go, no money right now, even though he works full time, so he's sleeping on the couch. So I'm being forced to live up in my room. And I also just found a disconnection notice for my hydro. The one bill he had go take care. They want $2300 by wed. Unreal!! Guess I'll be packing up the 4 kids and living in a hotel for a few weeks

[Dolfin80]

How can he get an std from kissing?

[TaraMaiden2]

How can he get an std from kissing?

 

It depends what he kissed.

 

And with what.

 

[No Limit]

How can he get an std from kissing?

 

It's from oral sex he performed. Serves him right.

[oldshirt]

What kind of STD from kissing?

 

And unless he had a lot of money to blow (no pun intended) or his buddies all took up a collection to pay for the stripper/prostitute or he is extraordinarily tall, handsome and charming, it's totally believable he didn't have sex with a stripper.

 

Strippers typically are not simple slu++$ and typically do not have sex with customers unless they are also turning tricks on the side as hookers and she was being paid a market wage for sex.

 

So either he or his buddies paid for her to screw him, or he has hooked up with someone else under some other kind of circumstance and is blaming it on some kind of bachelor party antics with a stripper.

 

Are you sure he isn't/wasn't just having a garden variety affair or hook up from the bar or work or something.

 

And this is the grandmother in me but a man who lives with a woman for 17 years and fathers four children with her, is not marrying material and not the kind of guy that one would want for a husband and father of her children.

 

Do enough digging and you'll find a long string of hook ups and strippers and chicks from the bar.

[Clay]

I am sorry your having to go through this. I doubt seriously this was his first time.

 

I would follow through with the divorce. Your better off single than staying with someone that can do that to you.

 

There are far better men out there that want the happily married life.

 

C

[MJJean]

And unless he had a lot of money to blow (no pun intended) or his buddies all took up a collection to pay for the stripper/prostitute or he is extraordinarily tall, handsome and charming, it's totally believable he didn't have sex with a stripper.

 

Strippers typically are not simple slu++$ and typically do not have sex with customers unless they are also turning tricks on the side as hookers and she was being paid a market wage for sex.

 

Depends how you define "a lot of money". Round here, quite a lot of strippers will screw or blow a customer in the VIP rooms for between $80 and $120. That would be in addition to the $20 lap dance fee paid to make going into the VIP room legit.

 

My DH isn't tall, unusually good looking, or rich. He's handsome, but not movie star. Stands 6 ft even, weight 260, so he's chubby. Guess who he was "dating" before me? A stripper. Well, he wasn't dating her, really. She was married, my DH's GF at the time was dating her, DH was just a friend with benefits. Said stripper was also doing a couple of DH's friends before and after he extricated himself from that mess.

 

So, yeah, I'd totally buy the OPs H got whatever he had from a stripper.

[Kimm80]

He is still sticking to him just kissing her. He did admit that he paid $20 bucks for a lap dance. He wants our relationship over because he believes that I deserve better, and it's not fair to keep me knowing what he did. 17 years and 4 kids later all for a 10 minute good time. I never trusted anyone my entire life, but he actually convinced me that I could trust him, and I strongly felt that he was different. That he would never do stuff like this. Serves me right for trusting him lol. Can't trust no one anymore.