hromo Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 l will keep this brief. you can refer to my previous posts. lm so tired of being in limbo. mediation coming up, lm hanging on to get resolution. l want my life back. We are supposed to get an appraisal done on the family home. The soon to be ex, wants to inspect the home first to do a walk through to make sure the place is tidy and orderly. really!! my lawyer says he has a right to this and cannot stop it. so it's happening Monday. l wont be present but my brother in law will be. another shot below the belt to get under my skin. got himself a hot shot lawyer. This whole ordeal sucks. how is this guy that l was married to for 14 years. ugh! l don't even have privacy in my own home after being here for 2 years by myself. know he cares about the condition of the home. It's hard not to let these things get under my skin. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hi, this is my first time looking in this section and then i saw your post. My wife moved out in January, had her valuer come through the house last week. Every time i feel like my life is starting to get back to normal and i start looking forward to the future, she comes up with something new to set me back to square one again. She was my best friend in the world and mother to our 3 year old daughter. I feel so betrayed and let down on so many levels. Sometimes i feel so angry and depressed, i want to hurt her back, i want to to move away and never see her again but i know these feelings don't bring any benefit. Other times i catch myself ever so briefly feeling a desire for her to find the happiness she could not find with me. Which is quite surprising after all the terrible things she has done. So i wonder if that is what true love is? the ability to let someone go and that feeling is not twisted by self pity or anger or revenge or pride. I wish i could take a snapshot and live in that feeling, and not have to go to all those dark feelings that want to drag me down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 So a couple of things: 1. You say "your own home". It isn't. It is half his and half yours. You just live in it. You need to accept it - it isn't your own home. 2. And that really sucks. Because you're in limbo. 3. And limbo sucks. Mediation can suck. Lawyers suck. Divorce sucks. 4. And that's the harsh truth of it. 5. So here's the thing, it only sucks for a while. Then it gets better. A whole lot better. Or at least it can get a whole lot better. So let me suggest trying this on: right now you're going through life with an expectation of trying to make it better. Honestly, it is like building a castle on the sand. Sooner or later the wave is going to sweep in and knock it down. So stop going through life with the expectation of trying to make it better. Why not go through the next year of your life with the expectation that it is going to suck and you just need to move through the suck as effortlessly as possible to get to the other side - where it doesn't have to suck. It isn't depressing or hopeless when you look at it that way. It is just a fact of life - things are going to suck for a while and that's okay. You just need to get through it. Set a date for when the divorce will be final. The house sold. Ties cut. Maybe that's a year from now. Sure, circle September 4th, 2016 as the day that limbo is over. That life gets better, a lot better. That's how I got through my divorce. Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Why aren't you going to be there? I'd be there and make damn sure he didnt walk out with any marital possessions. And, I'd set a time limit for him to do the walkthrough. 45 minutes is plenty of time to look things over. If you think there may be an altercation, have a deputy on the property to see everything goes smooth. Do your own walkthrough with a video camera as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Thank you. He has 20 mins for a walk through. l will be there and my brother in law is to. Thank you divorceddad123 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 remember - eyes on the finish line. hang in there! don't let him get to you, that's his goal - to upset and drain you so you could drop it & let him walk smooth. he's really as selfish and unfair as they get... hard to believe a guy like that made it past two years with another woman AND her kids. can i ask you, what was he like during your marriage...? was it a good marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 What you need to realize is that he holds all the power because he doesn't let his emotions about divorcing make his choices for him. He is done with the marriage and his old life; he isn't tied to you or the home anymore. So, it is easy for him to treat this marriage dissolution as a business arrangement that he is tying up the loose ends on. You, on the other hand, are very attached to the home, and still not over the impact of his leaving, and your emotions may very well drive all of your choices as to how this plays out. When he comes to the house, and when you go into mediation, think of yourself as an empowered business person who is out to win. Don't back down on what you feel is most important, but let go of the things you can live without. Believe in yourself. Be reasonable, but don't give more than you feel is right. Know in your mind that there are better days ahead. He is only a man. He's not invincible. He is not all knowing. He is no smarter than you are. He will be out of your life soon so that you can move on to better days. Trust in yourself and take care of yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What you need to realize is that he holds all the power because he doesn't let his emotions about divorcing make his choices for him. He is done with the marriage and his old life; he isn't tied to you or the home anymore. So, it is easy for him to treat this marriage dissolution as a business arrangement that he is tying up the loose ends on. You, on the other hand, are very attached to the home, and still not over the impact of his leaving, and your emotions may very well drive all of your choices as to how this plays out. When he comes to the house, and when you go into mediation, think of yourself as an empowered business person who is out to win. Don't back down on what you feel is most important, but let go of the things you can live without. Believe in yourself. Be reasonable, but don't give more than you feel is right. Know in your mind that there are better days ahead. He is only a man. He's not invincible. He is not all knowing. He is no smarter than you are. He will be out of your life soon so that you can move on to better days. Trust in yourself and take care of yourself. I really like this advice... and yes when my wife 'discussed' getting divorced with me, it was nothing more than an 'FYI' discussion. Then she got up and started cooking some steak and asked me if i wanted any. She is treating the divorce as if it was a casual decision just like getting a hair cut "hmm so today i will buy some oranges, get a hair cut, oh and yes, get a divorce, tick!" The fact that we have a 3 year old daughter together also seems totally inconsequential to her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 hromo, how did the walk through go? I would have been a nervous wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
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