regret143 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Long story short, we both have short temper. Hers shorter than mine. In the past, the got arrested once an taken to mental evaluation another time, for assaulting me. Our fight always starts with angry words, then she bites me or attacks me with some object, sometimes the object is a knife. Last weekend wasnt different, first words, than biting, then knife. I managed to get the knife from her this time, but the whole altercation left bruises on her (and me). So last night she called the police, left the house and I am on a sort of pseudo restraining order. What to do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 stay away from her and NO ( and I mean NO ) Contact ... how many time(s) has the cop(s) have been called out on her ... ? because here, each and every time the cop(s) are called it retain(s) a record for the court(s) for any record(s) of a disturbance ... ( which the judge could consider in his final verdict ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Follow any court or temporary restraining order. Do a civil standby to get your stuff. File for divorce. Move on with your life. Your wife is not healthy relationship material. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Go buy a digital recorder immediately and a new set of locks for the house. Do not let her back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 stay away from her and NO ( and I mean NO ) Contact ... how many time(s) has the cop(s) have been called out on her ... ? because here, each and every time the cop(s) are called it retain(s) a record for the court(s) for any record(s) of a disturbance ... ( which the judge could consider in his final verdict ) They were called 3 times. only one of them she was arrested, the other 2 I lied to the cops to keep her out of trouble (once I told them she chased me with a spoon not a knife, the other I said I feared for her life, not mine, so she was taken to hospital for mental evaluation) Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Do the both of you a favour and part company. It would be best if the two of you never set eyes on each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Follow any court or temporary restraining order. Do a civil standby to get your stuff. File for divorce. Move on with your life. Your wife is not healthy relationship material. It is not an actual restraining order, she just filed a report so in case she calls them, I go straight to jail. I do intend to fully respect that. I just think it is unfair that I become the abuser after all she has done. I also did not report the time when she actually attacked me with a knife and I needed surgery to repair 2 tendons on my wrist. I don't know if I can still report that. I'd have no proof that she did it. Even tho my daughter told my mom what happened, but she didn't actually witnessed it, and she is only 5. I have a lot of the blame on our arguments, it is usually me pushing her buttons, so some can say I cause the fights. I do start them, in a vocal manner only. She is the on that makes them physical. Should the blame be share equally? I do love her and want her back. I feel I can make her never get violent again if I don't push her buttons. Am I crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Go buy a digital recorder immediately and a new set of locks for the house. Do not let her back in. Legally, I can't keep her out of the house, it is community property. I can only do that after I serve her the divorce notice, but with the police report, I'm afraid she would be able to revert that. as far as digital recording I have apps on my 2 phones for that. and I have 2 other phones I can use for that too, so I'm covered.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Do the both of you a favour and part company. It would be best if the two of you never set eyes on each other again. I still love her... Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Legally, you can change the locks and not give her a key. Don't use your phone as a recorder. You may need to call the police while you're recording. That way, you get a detailed recording of events and a verifiable timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Our fight always starts with angry words, then she bites me or attacks me with some object, sometimes the object is a knife. Last weekend wasnt different, first words, than biting, then knife. She's attempted to stab you ? That's not short-tempered, that's homicidal. I'm as concerned about your wanting to stay as I am about her willingness to attack you. Neither is normal nor healthy... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I still love her... Doesn't matter. Love is not shown with bruises, cuts, or bites. If both of you can't learn to curb your temper, one of you (more than likely you!) will end up in jail and with a criminal record. Your love isn't enough, obviously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My neighbor was abused by his wife. Truly a gem of a gent. His wife though had a temper and huge drinking problem. She would beat him silly, and when or if he did restrain her, she called the police ... and often he was hauled off. This went on for years... then one day an officer started asking neighbors questions. We vouched for his character and her lack of. The next time she called the police , it was her in handcuffs. Thank goodness the officer took time to review the difference in markings in restraining verses slashed cheeks and welts over the guys back. The officer just couldn't accept that this guy allowed this, and the guy said, sir i was raised never to lay a hand on a woman, and i've abided, dispite her temper. But when my daughter started disrespecting me, thats when I recorded this , so thank you for taking her away. Sometimes guys are the punching bag ... human nature isn't gender favored... seen women haul off at guys and cannot fathom the amount of restraint that takes to endure. I'm all about self defense, gender be derned! Op- get counseling... this is not a healthy love for either of you. Respect your bodies and minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I still love her... It makes no difference. Your relationship is toxic and destructive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Regret Love isn't enough to risk your life. I'm sure you want to see your daughter grow up and at this rate, your wife could kill you and go to jail - then what happens to your daughter? Who will she have. Love isn't enough to stay in a violent relationship. You are incompatible and need to part company and learn how to co-parent post divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Your very young daughter knows that her mother stabbed her father and needed surgery because of it? What else does she know, and how much of this violence does the poor little thing see? You're both very unhealthy, and need help. Professional help. You need to get yourselves to a point where you can parent your daughter properly. Please, get into individual counselling ASAP for your daughter's sake. You two cannot be together. This level of violence is totally not on...especially with a young child in the home. Sad story, and I hope this destructive cycle can end. This is not love...this is two broken souls bashing up against each other and clinging on after the blows. Rinse and repeat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 It makes no difference. Your relationship is toxic and destructive. That is true. I just can't let go! Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Your very young daughter knows that her mother stabbed her father and needed surgery because of it? What else does she know, and how much of this violence does the poor little thing see? more than she should have. You're both very unhealthy, and need help. Professional help. You need to get yourselves to a point where you can parent your daughter properly. Please, get into individual counselling ASAP for your daughter's sake. All the 3 of us are in counseling. You two cannot be together. This level of violence is totally not on...especially with a young child in the home. Sad story, and I hope this destructive cycle can end. This is not love...this is two broken souls bashing up against each other and clinging on after the blows. Rinse and repeat. Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Legally, you can change the locks and not give her a key.Can't. I have consulted with a lawyer before, it can only be done if the divorce in on court and I get a court order. Don't use your phone as a recorder. You may need to call the police while you're recording. That way, you get a detailed recording of events and a verifiable timeline. Not a problem here, the app runs on the bg and also records the phone call if on speaker. Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 you can still love the person like from another state ... I would ( if it was me ) is move and not tell her. because if you do she ll keep coming and starting this all over again. heck, even change you number, just to be safe w/ the call(s) ( unless your recording them and will use them in court ) she is a person that you need to stay away from ( as in mentally and a health stand point IMO ) Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Your lawyer is wrong and I'd be consulting another if they gave that advice. Next you'll say you cant repaint the bathroom because your lawyer said it might offend wifey. You're not going anywhere and she knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regret143 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Your lawyer is wrong and I'd be consulting another if they gave that advice. Next you'll say you cant repaint the bathroom because your lawyer said it might offend wifey. You're not going anywhere and she knows it. It's not about offending, is about keeping her from a house that still is legally hers. Link to post Share on other sites
FrankDurman Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I think you both should work on restraining your temper, before you damage each other really seriously. This is not a healthy behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Regret, what is going on that you're being selfish like this? What I mean is, your little daughter is being exposed to extreme violence and you're saying you love your wife and want to stay with her. What about putting your daughter before your own wants? You already knew how destructive and unhealthy this relationship is before you said anything and you probably knew before you posted that everyone would tell you to get out of this toxic, dangerous relationship. Two adults in this situation is one thing but a little child being dragged into this? I grew up with abusive parents and the fallout always lands on the defenseless child! I lived my life absolutely terrified that my parents were going to kill each other and I wasn't sure who was going to kill who. I still remember nights like it was yesterday, the violence going on and the fear I felt as a child still rattles me to my core to this day! It's so terrifying for a child to see things like this. And have to wonder, if I'm left with one parent, who will it be and how can I be safe with that person? I had no idea, being so young, that if one of my parents killed the other, that person would sit in jail and I'd be left with grandparents or an aunt and uncle. Why isn't your daughter coming FIRST? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 "It's not about offending, is about keeping her from a house that still is legally hers." It's "half" legally hers. She can break in legally,because it's partly hers,but he can make coming back as difficult as possible,because it's half legally his as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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