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Heart and mind say divorce.... Guilt says no...


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My husband has turned into this person I do not know and A person I do not want. Three years of marriage, three years of a world where he exists in his own universe. Complete opposites, that's what we are. No sex for a year, don't sleep in the same bed. He is content scrolling through channels, looking and **** on the Internet and doing what best suits him...... All things he does are for his benefit. While he doesn't "cheat, do drugs, drink excessively, beat me" (as he has said) he has slapped a phone out of my hand, pushed me down, told me to shut my cunt mouth, and called me a bitch (amount several other horrible things) unforgivable things by any respected woman, all of course said out of anger and only that....of course who doesn't say that to their spouse. No kids, house together and the loves of my life (so far) our two dogs.....and I don't know how to proceed, my gut, my heart and my head says "I would rather be alone than deal with this" and "someone you love does t say such horrible things"... If we get divorced he loses it all...he has nothing besides me....how do you do this....help.....how do you look someone in the eye and say "no more, I don't want this"....

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Your husband sounds mean and potentially very dangerous. I would not live with a person like that.

 

As for telling your husbAnd, why not tell him you are unhappy, don't feel safe and no longer want to be with him?

 

Last year I told my wife I was unhappy and wanted a divorce. She was crushed. After about sever days we got back together. I hated being away from our son.

 

Today I am still unhappy, and think I will likely end up divorced. I am tired of the arguing, the spending of money etc.

 

Telling your husband will be hard. You will also, likely, feel some relief with being honest.

 

I do understand the feelings of guilt. Which is why, in my case, I will likely let my wife have whatever she wants, to include the house. Material things can be replaced.

 

I wish you all the best.

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TaraMaiden2
Your husband sounds mean and potentially very dangerous. I would not live with a person like that.

 

As for telling your husbAnd, why not tell him you are unhappy, don't feel safe and no longer want to be with him?

Because he's an abusive bully who scares the hell out of her.

 

She's a woman, and as such, vulnerable.

 

 

OP: Please one day, while he is not around, pack a bag, take your dogs and go visit a really good freind, or relative.

I don't care where or how far - go. Seriously.

 

FROM THERE: send him a message telling him you are filing for divorce.

 

This guilt is mis-placed and unnecessary.

 

If we get divorced he loses it all...he has nothing besides me..

 

 

Don't kid yourself. He survived perfectly well before you came along. If he has nothing left, then that's his own fault, nothing you need to feel responsible for.

It is the way it is.

 

But to consider staying in a situation where you feel threatened, afraid and miserable, is unthinkable.

He WILL survive.

The real issue is that if you remain in this marriage - you won't.

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casey.lives

when people get angry it doesn't come out of nowhere.. it is possible you are not compatible with this person. anger is a step higher than frustration and usually occurs after the frustration has been voiced and ignored... repeatedly. which to your partner shows a lack of caring on our part. This begs the question: why care if you don't???!

Edited by casey.lives
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See an attorney in private, get 100 plan together and a plan to leave without his knowledge. verbal abuse is never acceptable. l don't care how angry someone gets. He has no respect for you don't feel sorry for him. He has a choice on his behavior and you have a choice no to accept it.

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If we get divorced he loses it all...he has nothing besides me.

 

The reality is he's already lost you.

 

he has slapped a phone out of my hand, pushed me down, told me to shut my cunt mouth, and called me a bitch (amount several other horrible things) unforgivable things by any respected woman, all of course said out of anger and only that....

 

How do you marry someone like this is the first place :confused:???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Ashmaritex,

 

While he doesn't "cheat, do drugs, drink excessively, beat me" (as he has said) he has slapped a phone out of my hand, pushed me down, told me to shut my cunt mouth, and called me a bitch (amount several other horrible things) unforgivable things by any respected woman,

 

^^^^ this is abuse, full stop. It is not acceptable.

 

Please take the advice of others and make plans to leave. I am very concerned for your safety. It often doesn't take long for verbal abuse to move on to physical abuse.

 

And do it NOW.

 

Good luck. x

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I don't know how this happened.... I don't know how I married a man like this.... Thank you for the responses it makes my decision clear.... We have to divorce.... Tonight he closed a porn window so I wouldn't see... I don't care about porn we haves watched it together but when you can't/won't touch your wife it's not ok...

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I also want to say I feel like my posts are cryptic... This is not my intention.... I have divulged this to my closest friend and my mother all are in agreement... Leave.... Thanks for reassuring no person should talk to someone like this

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casey.lives

ignoring someone's pleads and frustration can be considered as psychological/emotional abuse.... it's important to have full awareness of the situation. Since you are have reached our decision.. take it for next time. Relationships are made up of 2 people

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Clarence_Boddicker

I assume that you had a bad childhood that included mental &/or physical abuse. Usually only people who have low self esteem or were victims of abuse at a young age stay with abusers. If I were you, I'd really ask myself why I'm even questioning leaving. That part of you is going to keep you in a cycle of abuse. Normal people don't tolerate abuse for very long. You don't have kids, which is a big reason why many victims stay with abusers. The only logical answer is to leave ASAP & then get counseling to figure out why you are even considering staying.

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TaraMaiden2
I assume that you had a bad childhood that included mental &/or physical abuse. Usually only people who have low self esteem or were victims of abuse at a young age stay with abusers. If I were you, I'd really ask myself why I'm even questioning leaving. That part of you is going to keep you in a cycle of abuse. Normal people don't tolerate abuse for very long. You don't have kids, which is a big reason why many victims stay with abusers. The only logical answer is to leave ASAP & then get counseling to figure out why you are even considering staying.

 

I'm sorry - this is highly indicative of someone who simply cannot comprehend the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

 

 

People who enter into relationships are ALL normal.

It's what the relationship does to them that creates an insecure, low-self esteemed, abused person.

 

If you were to meet someone, go out with them, and on a first date, they smacked you across the face, you would in all possibility have them arrested for assault, but you would certainly never ever see them again.

 

Domestic abuse is different.

 

it begins slowly, subtly, secretly, apparently innocently enough.

There are apologies and promises to never do it again, platitudes, murmurings of guilt.... until before you know it, the victim is overwhelmed with a massive, heavy blanket of self-doubt, helplessness and the inability to think or see things straight.

 

People BECOME insecure and develop low self-esteem.

it doesn't happen overnight, and it's almost unnoticeable - until you compare day 100 to day 1, you cannot for the life of you see, or understand how this progressed to the point where you are almost scared of breathing....

 

Clarence, you need to research just how soul-destroying being IN an abusive relationship is.

 

Many, many people don't start from an abused perspective. Some do, sure. But the majority frankly don't know what the hell has happened to them, or how it came to *this*....

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