hromo Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Hello Loveshack community. how long did your divorce process take and any advice on how to maintain positive and patient. lm at my Wits end, my ex is taking his sweet time every step of the way. After countless threats to take this to court, my ex finally decides to move along and then another stall. it will be two years this coming sept. He has now requested a second opinion on the income for his business because he doesn't agree with the evaluation. basically he wants to have to pay less for spousal support. His delays continue to cost me more and more money legally as my lawyer has to continue to send his lawyer follow up calls and letters and she is not making any strides on getting this resolved. any words of encouragement, wisdom or ideas on how to stay sane would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 hromo, I am sorry this is dragging on and causing problems for you. How old are you and why are you claiming spousal support? Are you not able to work? Link to post Share on other sites
macmillerpwnz Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Did you cheat on him Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 No, he cheated on her. It happens the other way round too, you see. Link to post Share on other sites
macmillerpwnz Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Well then that's messed up of him. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 That's not the topic here. The topic is how to help the OP get over the frustration of her ex- dragging his heels, playing this out and destroying her financial situation. OP, can you not speak with your lawyer about this? he is obviously playing for time purely to be inconvenient to you and drain your funds.... can't you get your lawyer to petition the court to speed up the process under threat of penalty to him? (possible in the UK....) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 The simple answer is to settle for what he offers. OP, ask yourself this: Which is more important to you, to lose a bit of money or to be tied to this cheating, lying POS for ever and a day? It really stuck in my craw to have to pay my cheating WS any money at all, especially as most of the stuff we had came from me or my family. However, it was worth taking a cut just to be rid of him, and to get on with my life. OP, can you say why you need spousal support, and how old are you, and why can't you work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I agree with Aries. People get so caught up in somehow 'winning' their divorces that they end up wasting years, which turns into time that they can't ever get back. For the 1% of us who have tons and tons of investments and other intertwined financial complications, it can take a little while to sort through everything. For the rest of us, we cost ourselves immensely in the pursuit of a few thousand dollars here and there. When my XW and I divorced, I just wanted it over with. Gave her what she wanted, got it over with quickly and moved on. That might seem passive, but I firmly believe that opportunity cost can be very expensive, and it's easier to just cut the rope and start over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 l do work, but he owns a business with his brother that lm entitled to shares plus he makes triple my salary. we were together for 20 years married for 14 years. He cheated and then left to be with the ow. He has been common-law and providing for her and her two kids. trust me l want a clean break but l also want to ensure that l receive fair resolution so l can have some financial security. l quality for spousal support because of the big gap in income. l feel he is delaying this process so that the company looks like there is less in the books, not to mention for me to give up and settle for anything. l have no choice but to stay strong and continue to push my lawyer to get resolution. l helped him build that company why not ensure l get what lm entitled to legally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Thank you Taramaiden. l will research what recourse l have for this dragging out. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 i think you can do something about his income... in order to prevent him from hiding money & i also think you can do something about him dragging this out. i suggest you change your lawyer or at least seek other legal opinion & advice. this way, dragging on benefits your lawyer too because you keep paying for their services... not saying that you have a bad lawyer but be sure to seek another opinion. just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 l helped him build that company why not ensure l get what lm entitled to legally. Why not ask him - through you're lawyer - what his target is? As other have stated, I paid in the form of less than equal asset division to get out. And I did so by doing what I'm recommending you do - as your spouse directly what he wants. At least for me, it was so worth every dime... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Tell your lawyer you're about to file for bankruptcy. Guarantee that gets the ball rolling and they petition the court for a hearing. When the money flow is about to stop, they'll want to cut ties with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Hello Loveshack community. how long did your divorce process take and any advice on how to maintain positive and patient. lm at my Wits end, my ex is taking his sweet time every step of the way. After countless threats to take this to court, my ex finally decides to move along and then another stall. it will be two years this coming sept. He has now requested a second opinion on the income for his business because he doesn't agree with the evaluation. basically he wants to have to pay less for spousal support. His delays continue to cost me more and more money legally as my lawyer has to continue to send his lawyer follow up calls and letters and she is not making any strides on getting this resolved. any words of encouragement, wisdom or ideas on how to stay sane would be greatly appreciated. 2yrs ... and he cheated. He's trying to bankrupt you and maybe get you to the negociating table for a smaller cut. If you submit to this, it's quite likely this will not be the end of it. He will try it again in a few yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 l want to get this before a judge. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 l do work, but he owns a business with his brother that lm entitled to shares plus he makes triple my salary. we were together for 20 years married for 14 years. He cheated and then left to be with the ow. He has been common-law and providing for her and her two kids. trust me l want a clean break but l also want to ensure that l receive fair resolution so l can have some financial security. l quality for spousal support because of the big gap in income. l feel he is delaying this process so that the company looks like there is less in the books, not to mention for me to give up and settle for anything. l have no choice but to stay strong and continue to push my lawyer to get resolution. l helped him build that company why not ensure l get what lm entitled to legally. i gave my ex the business. the one i helped found and fund for years and years. that way he didn't have to open the books. in return i got everything else and no alimoney/spousal support. which means, we sold the house(before the divorce, which settled "division of assets) and i got 80 percent of the profit. out of his share he had to pay off the IRS and the credit cards. he still has the business. in a regular divorce every single disagreement can cost over 400.00 a hour in legal fees and you have to show grounds. and that pissed me off since i paid for my divorce. i paid a flat fee for a "family divorce". we worked out all 5 of the state's requirements and filed it as a "separation agreement". custody* ( i got full physical custody and he was prevented from changing the children's appearance in any way. not allowed to cut their hair, pierce their ears or sign for any tattoos. the children were never allowed to spend the night with any women not related to them by blood). child support* (i got a huge amount, every month, in return for giving him the business). alimony(i was entitled to alimony but decided to take a larger amount of the profits from the house because i wanted a clean break from him) visitation* (i gave him thanksgiving so i could get christmas eve. i never let him take the children to her house, not once. i gave him a key to my place and let him come and go at will) division of assets (took everything i could get my hands on because he felt so guilty and he knew i'm better with money. also, while i had the my "divorce lawyer" at the closing, we each took title to our own cars and car insurance(very important if he's letting the 'ho drive "his" car) and agreed on furniture, jewelry and family photos. make sure that you are no longer on his credit cards and he's no longer on any of your bank accounts. change your will and life insurance. after we signed, in agreement, our divorce was filed. the divorce he wanted and i paid for, he didn't even show up when our case was called. *remember, think these issues out very carefully, think ahead to when he gets a new girlfriend or one of you remarries because every single time you have to go back to court to change these sections, it's MORE money. i never stood in his way with the kids because he's a very good father. still is. i just made sure my kids never had to spend one miniute with his "soulmate'' and so far they still barely know her and have only seen her four or five times in 8 years. once they get to the age of 14 or 15 and certainly by the time they can drive, custody and visitation issues are moot. good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thank You Miss. Clavel, You have given me alot of insight. I appreciate you telling me your personal experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Choose your battles wisely and decide what is most important to you. It may not be possible to get everything you want out of the divorce, even if you are not the "guilty" party and even if you did help build the business. We all feel crapped on in divorce; it's a part of it. But, the faster you can get out with your sanity, the better off you will be. The attorneys are the true winners in divorces. Their clients pay for their lavish lifestyles and keep them afloat. They take advantage of people who are at their lowest points in life. hromo, Can you go to the brother for help with the paperwork? Would his brother not worry that he is cooking the books to their business? Edited July 24, 2015 by angelcake confusing text 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hromo Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thanks Angelcake. l don't want to involve his brother as they are partners and l know that whatever "arrangement" has been made he is privy to. l found out today that he went ahead and retained a new lawyer who doesn't agree with the evaluation numbers for the company. basically he has been taking money out of the company as he chooses and that should be reflective of his income. it's complicated. He can keep the company and l want the family home. He is disputing his earnings. l just want this done with. It took him 6 months to get financial information to my lawyer, another 6 months to approve an evaluation and now he is not happy with the evaluation has retained a new lawyer. When we sat down for Mediation, he was not happy with the figures and now has delayed this another 5 weeks. lm not being unrealistic or unreasonable, l just want a fair settlement. to your question Angelcake, he is selfish and paying for his other woman's and her kids so he wants to screw me over and l wont settle for that. Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 He's taking care of her and her kids? Do you two have kids, too? Geez maybe I need his job, LOL Just take it one day at a time. Breathe! You will finally get closure so eventually this will all be behind you. I lived the nightmare for years; I know the feeling. But it finally ends. Best wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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