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custody.


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don't really know if this is the right place to post it but...

 

i was wondering about the custody arrangements of divorced couples. so, if you're separated, divorced, broken up... what kind of custody do you have? what kind of arrangement and schedule do you have with your ex - partner? just asking out of curiosity!

 

thanks!

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Majormisstep

Since my kids are over the age of 14 (law here where they can choose which parent they want to live with), my younger son spends 50% of the time at my place and unfortunately LOL, the other 50% at his dads.

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My ex and I have technically 50/50 parenting-time, and we have joint legal "custody" (ability to make certain decisions like school). Our son is 2 years old.

 

But the way it works out, I have our son much more than 50% of the time. We're fairly informal about it.

 

Because he's so young, our son doesn't spend a week here, a week there. Instead, the schedule says Father picks up son on Wed mornings, then mother picks up son on Sat or Sun mornings (we alternate Saturdays). So, the child sees each parent frequently.

 

Then we're often changing it-- it's always my ex asking me to take our son for the day/overnight while he works or occasionally while he does other stuff.

 

I could go on about the two things I wished we had (specific pick-up times, and first right of refusal for child care) . . . or about how this is all playing out practically and how well I feel it's working. But the above is just a basic description of our arrangement. We also split holidays (alternating major holidays) and we claim child as dependent every other year.

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I'm separated now (for two months) and my H (informally) gave me full custody of our 10 year old daughter. I had assumed he would want her half of the time but was surprised when he suggested she stay with me. She is with him for a few hours here and there when I have work meetings, IC appointments, or volunteer commitments. He is only 10 minutes away.

 

We've taken a family trip together during separation and I took her on a trip with his family when he decided he didn't want to go with them ... I thought it was important for her to spend time with his side even if it meant me going instead of my H.

 

I keep checking with them both to see if they want more time together and they both say it feels about right.

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Separated, but not divorced yet (have to wait for the clock to run out).

 

On paper, we are joint custody and everything is equal.

 

For living arrangements (my daughter is 6) we do a week on then a week off (switch every Friday after daycare). Usually if it's an off week, we get to do an overnight (so usually Wed I get an overnight).

 

However I have a pretty flexible arrangement with my STBXW so there is a lot of play in our arrangement. We don't keep score on days and if one of us has something special going on (relatives in town) usually we'll just let the other parent have our daughter and figure it will get made up later.

 

One benefit for me is that my STBXW is fairly flaky so for her weeks with our daughter, she usually has other social stuff she doesn't want to miss so I get more time. Reality is probably 60/40 (for me) but I still get to pay full pop on child support.

 

But it's only money.

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